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About Buddhism and a comical assessment.
(Disclaimer: This is not a real criticism of Buddhism, just a comical one.)
This is my take so far on the different schools of Buddhism.
Theravadin: A bunch of Elders try to shoot you out of the Pali Cannon at Nirvana.
Mahayana: They give you a tune up that you dind't know you needed. They'll replace your whole engine block and rotate your tires. Instead of running on unleaded your now on Premium.
Then there is Tibetan Buddhism, Still like an auto shop except they have really neat hats.
Then I guess Hinayana is like going to a chop shop, according to some Buddhists.
And Lastly Zen Buddhism. They try and make you enlightened by making you crazy. Crazy people I guess have wise things to say. "Who is that guy? Oh him? Yeah, him. Oh that guy is 'Enlightened.' In Patient or Out Patient?"
They all have one good thing in common. They all have jobs. Wait, I mean they all are trying to get you Enlightened.
If you take your self too seriously then life is no fun.
Have a good day!
This is my take so far on the different schools of Buddhism.
Theravadin: A bunch of Elders try to shoot you out of the Pali Cannon at Nirvana.
Mahayana: They give you a tune up that you dind't know you needed. They'll replace your whole engine block and rotate your tires. Instead of running on unleaded your now on Premium.
Then there is Tibetan Buddhism, Still like an auto shop except they have really neat hats.
Then I guess Hinayana is like going to a chop shop, according to some Buddhists.
And Lastly Zen Buddhism. They try and make you enlightened by making you crazy. Crazy people I guess have wise things to say. "Who is that guy? Oh him? Yeah, him. Oh that guy is 'Enlightened.' In Patient or Out Patient?"
They all have one good thing in common. They all have jobs. Wait, I mean they all are trying to get you Enlightened.
If you take your self too seriously then life is no fun.
Have a good day!
7
Comments
Elsewhere on the Internet, someone asked how to know if s/he were a Buddhist. I recognize that this question can honestly mean something to some people, but I couldn't restrain myself....
Here are the ten incontrovertible qualifications for really being a real Buddhist really:
1. Adopt a wise and wizened demeanor -- someplace between George Clooney and Mahatma Gandhi.
2. Memorize the 108 holiest and most convoluted of all possible paradoxes. Dispense as necessary.
3. Clothes ... don't forget the clothes!
4. Walk slowly as if permeated with some weighty liquid.
5. If you're a lay person, yearn for ordination. If you're an ordained person, yearn for laicization.
6. Chant softly but audibly in public rest rooms.
7. If you visit a temple or monastery, make sure to bring home some small tourist treasure to indicate you visited. Hang it prominently, but with humble discretion, in your living room...next to all those books, perhaps.
8. Offer a small, carefully-crafted smile when someone tells you a first-class joke.
9. If someone asks you if you are a Buddhist, consider the question in a dour and somewhat quizzical silence.
10. Treat all beings with equanimity and kindness ... right up until the moment when you can't stand it any more and simply kick the cat. Repent as necessary.
And if all of this strikes you as utterly ludicrous, find a Buddhist practice, practice it and never mind who's a Buddhist and who's not.
Everyone suffers ... nuff said
I enjoyed your post and it made me smile! I think if there is ever a time when you say, oh now i am a buddhist as if turning on a light switch, things might not turn out as you wish. If you force any changes within yourself, or the way you act etc. because you identify as a buddhist, things might not turn out as you wish. Basically, if you identify yourself egotistically as a buddhist at all, things may not turn out as you wish.
It's funny how different yet the same they all are. One of the men who comes to our sangha (because we are the only one, and mostly Tibetan) is Zen. Once in a while he shares audio and video teachings from his Zen teacher, and even though I certainly recognize it as Buddhism, it's like hearing a foreign language. It's interesting how that works, about what catches the attention of each of us, what speaks to us.
Over time, though, koans made better sense to me in a quite ordinary way ... ordinary life seemed to throw up insoluble riddles without anything as fancy as "Zen" or "Buddhism" tacked on. I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything here ... just sayin'.
A formal koan I did like was "What is this?"
But one I find compelling that does not appear on the 1,700 list and yet, for me, is inescapable (and has nothing to do with any sing-song saccharine) is the very simple...
"I love you."
One day, Su Dongpo felt inspired and wrote the following poem: 稽首天中天， 毫光照大千； 八风吹不动， 端坐紫金莲。 I bow my head to the heaven within heaven, Hairline rays illuminating the universe, The eight winds cannot move me, Sitting still upon the purple golden lotus. The “eight winds (八风)” in the poem referred to praise (称), ridicule (讥), honor (誉), disgrace (毁), gain (得), loss (失), pleasure (乐) and misery (苦) – interpersonal forces of the material world that drive and influence the hearts of men. Su Dongpo was saying that he has attained a higher level of spirituality, where these forces no longer affect him. Impressed by himself, Su Dongpo sent a servant to hand-carry this poem to Fo Yin. He was sure that his friend would be equally impressed. When Fo Yin read the poem, he immediately saw that it was both a tribute to the Buddha and a declaration of spiritual refinement. Smiling, the Zen Master wrote “fart” on the manuscript and had it returned to Su Dongpo. Su Dongpo was expecting compliments and a seal of approval. When he saw “fart” written on the manuscript, he was shocked . He burst into anger: “How dare he insult me like this? Why that lousy old monk! He’s got a lot of explaining to do!” Full of indignation, he rushed out of his house and ordered a boat to ferry him to the other shore as quickly as possible. He wanted to find Fo Yin and demand an apology. However, Fo Yin’s door closed. On the door was a piece of paper, for Su Dongpo. The paper had following two lines: 八风吹不动， 一屁弹过江。 The eight winds cannot move me, One fart blows me across the river.
This stopped Su Dongpo cold. Fo Yin had anticipated this hot-headed visit. Su Dongpo’s anger suddenly drained away as he understood his friend’s meaning. If he really was a man of spiritual refinement, completely unaffected by the eight winds, then how could he be so easily provoked? With a few strokes of the pen and minimal effort, Fo Yin showed that Su Dongpo was in fact not as spiritually advanced as he claimed to be. Ashamed but wiser, Su Dongpo departed quietly.
This event proved to be a turning point in Su Dongpo’s spiritual development. From that point on, he became a man of humility, and not merely someone who boasted of possessing the virtue.