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caught off guard
oceancaldera207
Veteran
-I wasn't sure where to put this thread.- I really have to say something, and I really hope someone here can relate... definitely cannot have this discussion with anyone IRL.
The other day I was collecting some audio files of spoken buddhist sutras for listening while on cycling journeys. Among others, I found one of a long sutra that I had only browsed over in the past and not had much interest in ( not one that is particularly well known either. )
Later while relaxing I gave a portion of it a listen, not expecting much, more or less in a general research capacity.
and suddenly I was so struck; tears just flowed involuntarily from my eyes. It's hard to describe the feeling.. deep appreciation, beauty, happiness perhaps, kinship..the profoundity.. so utterly overpowering. I deeply understood what was being taught. And now, later when I recall several parts of it, tears form automatically, instantly,almost without me realizing what is going on.
To put this in perspective, I tend to approach sutras in a fairly non emotional fashion. I havent had emotionally caused tears for about 6 years, and I dont think that anyone has ever actually seen me have tears in my adult life... maybe once when i was really tired... maybe. I have had many amazing experiences, self discoveries, feeling of depth from sutras... but this .... this was different.
Ever feel like your heart is just....brought to life.? I cant really describe the feeling... it's quite foreign to me. I may never speak about this again, but i will never forget it... of this i am sure.
The other day I was collecting some audio files of spoken buddhist sutras for listening while on cycling journeys. Among others, I found one of a long sutra that I had only browsed over in the past and not had much interest in ( not one that is particularly well known either. )
Later while relaxing I gave a portion of it a listen, not expecting much, more or less in a general research capacity.
and suddenly I was so struck; tears just flowed involuntarily from my eyes. It's hard to describe the feeling.. deep appreciation, beauty, happiness perhaps, kinship..the profoundity.. so utterly overpowering. I deeply understood what was being taught. And now, later when I recall several parts of it, tears form automatically, instantly,almost without me realizing what is going on.
To put this in perspective, I tend to approach sutras in a fairly non emotional fashion. I havent had emotionally caused tears for about 6 years, and I dont think that anyone has ever actually seen me have tears in my adult life... maybe once when i was really tired... maybe. I have had many amazing experiences, self discoveries, feeling of depth from sutras... but this .... this was different.
Ever feel like your heart is just....brought to life.? I cant really describe the feeling... it's quite foreign to me. I may never speak about this again, but i will never forget it... of this i am sure.
12
Comments
Reminds of when the Dalai Lama said, "Buddhism is a matter of the Mind" and pointed to his heart . . .
I feel we have to become aware of the dharma in our bones, in the totality of our being. Intellectual understanding has a place. Sometimes we have to be overwhelmed.
I get overwhelmed or inspired quite intensely on occasion. Tears? Sure? Great feelings of metta? Of course. Anger at ignorance? Yes indeed.
Dharma robots may find this a little disconcerting . . .
I was once a meal server at a sesshin or Zen retreat. The routine was that the servers would bring food to those sitting in the meditation hall and only later eat themselves. And one day, as the servers were saying chants that preceded the meal we were about to eat, we came to a very specific line. As soon as we had spoken it, I broke down in tears. BUT ... at precisely -- and I mean precisely -- the same moment that I began to cry, the meal server across from me broke down in an uncontrollable laughter that had nothing to do with my tears.
It was a strange and wonderful harmony.
(arya sanghatasutra dharmaparyaya._) There were two small parts here that still definitely affect me in ways that I don't completely understand. In the first one here, the buddha is using an analogy to describe the length of an eon, because he later uses the word 'eon' in later analogies within the sutra;
"Suppose there is a mountain 50 yojanas (~250 miles) in depth and 12 yojanas (~60 miles) in height. Then, a man built his house on the side of that mountain, and for a long time, when a hundred years passed, the man would wipe it once with a cloth of Benares muslin. By doing so, the mountain would come to an end. Sarva-Shura, that is the measure of an eon. "
I am just absolutely helpless to this phrase. I don't know why.
I'll post the second in a while, I have to copy by hand and don't have time right now; thanks again for interest and replies !
mike
edit, a yojana is estimated at between 4 to 9 miles. Benares muslin is a very fine cotton cloth.
The other part that affected me ; paraphrasing , a disciple says, 'this teaching is so wonderful, I really feel as though I can't get enough'. The buddha says in response 'that's very good that you think that way, I truly cannot get enough either'.
Ah. I just can't handle that... Instant tears....such a perfect and unexpected answer.