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Does anyone have this problem?
jll
Veteran
I didnt know it had a name. I thought I was just shy.
1
Comments
Obviously there are people who truly do have anxiety disorders. But not everyone who is why or doesn't like people has anxiety disorder. If you are concerned, then see a doctor/therapist. Don't use youtube to diagnose yourself. One can read or watch online and diagnose themselves with half the mental disorders out there, and any other variety of medical disorders.
Sometimes it seems to me that people sometimes are glad to name a problem they have because it makes them unaccountable for dealing with it. I'm not saying anyone in the video, or the OP or anyone in particular does this. But I think there is something to be said for learning to accept ourselves and love ourselves instead of being in a hurry to determine that we are not normal and "Whew, at least something is wrong with me."
to understand another.
in my lifetime, i have not met anyone who "Sometimes it seems to me that people sometimes are glad to name a problem they have because it makes them unaccountable for dealing with it." yet.
it is true that there is a spectrum of severity
in such a mental disorder.
the difference is, can you get on with your life without too much problem?
i understand because i have been there.
with or without a diagnosis, a sufferer usually know that they are not 'normal'.
I will recommend kindness and understanding, not judgement.
It is normal to have a degree of fear and nervousness, because it is part of our survival mechanism, but it is not normal to be overly sensitive where it causes inhibition and is debilitating, and the person who suffers from it comes to know that something not normal is occurring.
Having a name for it and being diagnosed are crucial in helping understand what is occurring in order to begin a coping or healing process, but since there are both chemical and behavior factors it’s not like waking up one day and deciding to have an attitude adjustment where everything will be fixed, so for many it’s a lifelong process of healing but no complete cure.
We don’t want to keep feeling the way they do, and that is one of the reasons it is so painful along with a very pronounced feeling at times that we are most alone when facing it. We are both courageous and desperate people, spirits crying for relief and not excuses.
You may have a thought here but it doesn't seem complete yet. Maybe you'd care to finish it.
I know several people who do that-who look for a reason to be able to say they are not like everyone else, and then use it to excuse themselves from various duties or social obligations. As I said in my first post, obviously there are true problems within social anxiety. I'm not saying they do not exist. I lived with someone for a long time who had severe social anxiety and panic attacks. I know they are real. I know how debilitating it can be.
I also know several people who without bothering to seek help, self-diagnose themselves with something and then use it as a reason to not take care of things in their lives. I have a cousin who refuses to take our grandma shopping because she claims to have social anxiety, yet she spends 12 hours a day working at the bar. It's just an excuse and a way for her to get out of being accountable because she knows she should be helping her grandma and she doesn't, so she makes an excuse that she buys herself to get out of it. I know multiple people who are similar (but not as extreme). They are plenty social when it comes to having fun....but not to upholding responsibility.
Not everyone who isn't quite like everyone else, has something they need to be treated for. That exact line of thinking is exactly why we have millions of kids on ADD drugs, some of whom need them, some of whom don't, yet they cannot attend school without the drugs to make them act like everyone else. There is a vast difference between not normal to the point you cannot function, cannot get to work, cannot see family and do other normal things...and finding every single thing about yourself that is different and thus unacceptable and needs to be fixed so that you can be like everyone else.
My comment was not at all directed at people who are in need of medical help and get it. It was of the general trend of our society to somehow place something/someone as "normal" and use it as a benchmark to judge ourselves to the point of over-medicating ourselves when it's not needed. The more drug companies put out drugs (and thus marketing and advertising associated with those drugs) the more people are diagnosed with the various things that those drugs treat. I don't think nearly as many people as are treating with medications for depression, anxiety, and ADD truly need to be medicated for it. But we've bought into what we are told that something is wrong with us because we aren't the life of the party portrayed in the commercials, we work better by walking than sitting still as school tells us to, and so on.
I feel like SAD is almost like an inflammation of the ego. You think that everyone is scrutinizing you and watching what you are doing; that people are constantly judging you. But 90% of the time, people aren't even paying attention.
GAD=generalized anxiety disorder
SAD is generally depression that occurs during the winter months largely due to limited access to outdoors and sunshine (vitamin D often). Very different from anxiety disorder.
It's easy to sympathize with what you can see and readily imagine feeling. Not so easy to sympathize with what you can't see or imagine.
Nuf-said. :-/
@Nevermind you assume I don't know people who have arthritis. I do. It's just not what we were talking about. You don't know what I do or don't see and/or experience in my life. I know and have lived for many years with someone who suffered severe clinical depression and severe anxiety. I have relatives who are schizophrenic, bipolar, and autistic. My grandma has severe osteoarthritis and osteoperosis and I'm involved in her care every day. So yes, I know what suffering is and I do understand it even in cases where I do not experience it personally. I never said the people who suffer are kidding themselves. I never said they don't have anxiety disorders. I know that they do. But I do think that as a western society especially we also suffer from constantly comparing ourselves to some vague and skewed idea of what is normal and when we see anything that deviates from that we feel a need to fix ourselves so that we are closer to that definition of normal. And I don't think we should do it as much as we do. That doesn't mean I think that people with actual disorders don't have them or shouldn't get treated for them. But it also doesn't mean everyone who is shy has anxiety disorder.
People can go much further than being merely unsympathetic, they can be cruel. To clarify, I'm not saying you're unsympathetic or cruel. I am saying that it's difficult or impossible to sympathize with something that you can't see or feel.
And no, I in no way think any mental health disorder is somehow less of a problem than a physical health issue. I know how difficult it is for people who experience it. Because I've lived with it. But that still does not mean that every single person who is a bit shy, who is introverted, who is nervous in social situations has a mental disorder. Many, many people are treated for things that doctors have no business treating them for (because they are not doctors who are experienced in diagnosing such things). There is a difference between personality traits and mental disorders. The only person who can, or should be distinguishing between the 2 is a person trained in mental health fields. Not family doctors. Not the person themselves who had a skewed definition of what is normal based on youtube videos and 5 point checklists on drug websites.
My problem with this whole discussion is what the OP originally said. Now, I in NO way know the OP or whether or not he/she has a recognized social anxiety disorder that needs treatment. If they feel they do, then by all means they should seek help and treatment. And that is every bit as real and as difficult as cancer or arthritis or anything else and I feel greatly for someone who experiences such struggle and pain just trying to get through daily life.
BUT. The harm can come when someone sees a video like this and says "wait, all my life I've lived thinking I was shy and really there is something WRONG with me?" Is there *always* really something wrong with them? No. Sometimes, yes, and they should take it seriously and get help. But too often a person suddenly will start believing something is wrong with them because they see something like this. What they should do is seek help. But what many of them do is say "Oh, whew. See family/friends? There is something wrong with me! This is what is wrong with me!" yet they never seek help. Most people who truly understand there is something wrong that they need help with, seek it. Not everyone has something wrong with them. yet, if you watch enough videos, enough commercials, read enough WebMD...you will inevitably find there are a lot of things "wrong" with you.
I saw this because I went through it. Someone suggested to me that maybe I had an anxiety disorder. So I started reading up online, and I freaked myself out. I thought "wow, I guess I do have something. I mean, a lot of these symptoms online I do experience." And I looked for help. And what I found was, that really I'm fine. There are situations I like and dislike. There are some I manage quite well and some I avoid. But the bottom line *for me* was that it was not impacting my life in a way that I needed to have fixed. I went to work and functioned fine. I had no problems with my friendships and other things. But because I avoid crowds, parties, and concerts, and because I don't like meeting new people and new social situations, and because I feel a need to prepare myself for situations that are upcoming, and because even once in a while I avoid a new restaurant (until someone who has been there will go with me) because I don't know their protocol....it made me feel something was wrong with me. There isn't. I'm just me. I manage my life quite well. This in NO WAY means I expect this is the case for everyone! It just was the case for me, and I suspect is the case for others who feel those quirks in their life means something is wrong with them because they can ding them off on an internet checklist sponsored by a drug company.
And I have come upon the spectrum of shyness. In highschool I was scared to even say hi to someone. Another classmate said I was 'beat down'. As I aged I learned to just say nothing and open out to the silence. The chatterboxes will always fill in the gaps. It's the lack of confidence not the silence that hurts. :ninja:
Social Phobia Inventory Test
My score was 37 out of a possible 68.
Scores in the 31 - 40 range indicate moderate anxiety. ??? To a degree, sure.
This is from the about us section of the website that posted the quiz....this is the exact point I am trying to make.
We are not medical or psychiatric professionals. The information provided on this website is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The assessments on this website are not intended to diagnose any disease or condition and should not be solely relied on, even by mental health or health care professionals, for this or any similar purpose.
No one except a trained mental health professional can diagnose or treat a psychological condition. If you have any concerns about your health, please talk to a professional.
As I said in a previous post, I *did* try to seek help after taking such tests. It actually made me anxious to think I had something wrong with me and that I wasn't normal when I thought I was fine the whole time. The only thing they wanted to do was give me drugs, so I left without taking drugs and my life carried on just fine when I realized I am okay how I am. There IS nothing limiting in my life and I don't consider it a disability whatsoever. I don't sit home wishing I could do something that I don't do because it makes me feel too anxious. I'm not missing out on a single thing.
Anyhow, I'm just going to stop wit the discussion. I don't think you'll ever get what I am trying to say and I'm tired of trying to explain it. I just hope people who really need help, get it so that their lives can be happy and free from constant worry and stress, and that people who feel abnormal just because a video or an online test says they are, will accept themselves and realize it's ok to be different from "normal".