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I figured I'd update this almost 10 years later:
This is a picture of me and my ex-wife's 4-year old daughter. I took her out on the town for the day to give her mom some space to be with her newborn. We hung out and took the trains downtown, explored, shopped, and had a good time. She's a cool kid and we love hanging out with each other. She knows I'm her brothers' dad and thinks the whole thing is just funny.
The point is: her mom and I are friends now. We get along well and some of what made us like each other in the first place has returned to the roost. She has two kids with the guy she left me for (she's still with him), and I have a close relationship with her daughter. Our sons are 19 and 18 now, and we have watched them grow up and graduate high school and start their young adult lives together. We talk relatively often and I have a friendly relationship with her boyfriend as well.
These rifts can be healed. No matter how hurt you are, it can heal.
Who can I forgive? Me for not being more forgiving. Another inspiring day in dharmaland ...
1
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
@Brian, hi, darling....
I walked that line with you for a while, and knew your pain, then. I understood, and heard how much this hurt you, then.
You cannot even begin to know how happy I am things are as they are.
Relationships work.
They always work.
Not always in the way we imagined, thought or planned, not always in the way we'd have liked.
But if people are capable of love, they're capable of making things work.
This, now works.
Maybe not in the way anyone could have predicted.
But it works.
Hugs and much love, Brian.
XX
0
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
And by the way...?
Nice to see you at last!!
Don't be such a damn stranger!
Your OP reminded me of my own parents who divorced when I was 2. Once the stormy marriage was over, they got along quite nicely. For me they sometimes spent holidays or my birthday together (if my dad was home on leave). Later in life they occasionally chatted on the phone or wrote letters.
Of course I also remember the time when I was in my 20s that my father asked if my mother ever talked about him, and if so, what does she say. I responded, "Well, she says you drank too much." And my father responded, "She's right. I did. And still do. But if you lived with your mother, you'd drink, too." They were both right.
2
silverIn the beginning there was nothing, and then it exploded.USA, Left coast.Veteran
Hi @Brian - I didn't know you way back when - but glad to see you've overcome the pain from that stuff and that you and the daughter are bright-eyed and bushy tailed (or faced) and ready for anything! Kudos.
@Brian - your OP was like reliving my own divorce shamozzle (we could have been identical twins in this scenario). Except I never really had that much of a realisation.
Which is why I am so pleased for you upon reading this update. The best part is the awesome relationship you have with your wife's daughter. Sending you much metta
Comments
I figured I'd update this almost 10 years later:
This is a picture of me and my ex-wife's 4-year old daughter. I took her out on the town for the day to give her mom some space to be with her newborn. We hung out and took the trains downtown, explored, shopped, and had a good time. She's a cool kid and we love hanging out with each other. She knows I'm her brothers' dad and thinks the whole thing is just funny.
The point is: her mom and I are friends now. We get along well and some of what made us like each other in the first place has returned to the roost. She has two kids with the guy she left me for (she's still with him), and I have a close relationship with her daughter. Our sons are 19 and 18 now, and we have watched them grow up and graduate high school and start their young adult lives together. We talk relatively often and I have a friendly relationship with her boyfriend as well.
These rifts can be healed. No matter how hurt you are, it can heal.
Thanks Brian.
Outstanding.
https://jackkornfield.com/the-practice-of-forgiveness/
Who can I forgive? Me for not being more forgiving. Another inspiring day in dharmaland ...
@Brian, hi, darling....
I walked that line with you for a while, and knew your pain, then. I understood, and heard how much this hurt you, then.
You cannot even begin to know how happy I am things are as they are.
Relationships work.
They always work.
Not always in the way we imagined, thought or planned, not always in the way we'd have liked.
But if people are capable of love, they're capable of making things work.
This, now works.
Maybe not in the way anyone could have predicted.
But it works.
Hugs and much love, Brian.
XX
And by the way...?
Nice to see you at last!!
Don't be such a damn stranger!
Your OP reminded me of my own parents who divorced when I was 2. Once the stormy marriage was over, they got along quite nicely. For me they sometimes spent holidays or my birthday together (if my dad was home on leave). Later in life they occasionally chatted on the phone or wrote letters.
Of course I also remember the time when I was in my 20s that my father asked if my mother ever talked about him, and if so, what does she say. I responded, "Well, she says you drank too much." And my father responded, "She's right. I did. And still do. But if you lived with your mother, you'd drink, too." They were both right.
Hi @Brian - I didn't know you way back when - but glad to see you've overcome the pain from that stuff and that you and the daughter are bright-eyed and bushy tailed (or faced) and ready for anything! Kudos.
@Brian - your OP was like reliving my own divorce shamozzle (we could have been identical twins in this scenario). Except I never really had that much of a realisation.
Which is why I am so pleased for you upon reading this update. The best part is the awesome relationship you have with your wife's daughter. Sending you much metta