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Over the past 5 years, I've desired inner peace more than anything. I've been performing meditation (mainly counting of breaths to ten for at least 15 minutes per day) for 6+ years. While I can admit that I am noticeably calmer, I still greatly suffer internally (self-judgement, lack of self-compassion, etc.) as well as from external situations (getting mad at other's opinions, people "judging" me, anger at people being "weak" and unable to follow diets, etc.).
From a logical stand point, there is no need to hold onto these thoughts and while in meditation, I don't. However, once I begin daily life with common stressors, these thought dominate my life. In addition, even while in meditation, I get negative and judgmental thoughts but I am able to let go of them more often than not.
It feels like I can't escape from stress and internal negativity.
I hear wonderful stories regarding how meditation alone can help harbor a calmer, more peaceful mind. While I partly agree with that, I feel like it may not be enough on its own.
What I really want is to be able to: a) have naturally compassionate thoughts arise naturally (less negativity and judgement) or simply less judgement in general and b) a mind that naturally is calm opposed to a mind that is always racing and burning me out.
While this post is somewhat sporadic (like my mind ) I imagine that someone has been in a similar situation. Any retrospection or thoughts welcome.
Hi All,You cannot "stop" your mind from reacting the way it does. What you need to do is realize that you are angry, and let that emotion be present and feel it. Sit there with it, don't push it away, and before you know it it will disappear. The more you practice this, the less power the emotion will have over you.
It seems to me that the level of conditioning of my mind is too much. Leave my body, even on little things my mind becomes agitated. For example, in our rented house, in one room we have kept many articles, so that our little daughter(1 year old) does not start to mishandle those articles. so we try that our daughter does not go to that room. i am observing(after the incident happens) the moment i notice that my daughter is trying to go in that room, my mind becomes agitated and instantly i try to react by either getting slightly angry on her - or - trying to forcefully take her away in another room.
another example - my daughter tries to press some key of my laptop, while i am working, then also my mind becomes agitated and reacts to it.
I cannot imagine how deep my mind is conditioned.
After the incident is over and then i think about it, i can recollect anicca, dukkha, anatta - But the question is how to decrease the level of conditioning of my mind, so that at least when such small things occur, my mind does not react immediately. Any suggestions please. Thanks in advance.
@BoatSWell, I was born into a family that did not encourage religion at all. As a family, we never attended church or really discussed religion. My mother is religious, but mostly kept it to herself. Throughout the majority of my early years (12-18) I felt that there was something out there, perhaps the "God" that all religions speak of and would pray on my own time. However, I never read much of the Bible because there were certain aspects of it that I just couldn't get myself to believe. I had my own opinion of what I felt (inside) that God was, and what his actions would be. I felt/feel that God does truly want good for everyone, therefore having to be baptized to be "saved" did not sit well for me.
Your welcome, and when you have time might you tell me your conversion story. I'm interested too