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My boss has childish temper tantrums and goes on the path of destruction. His anger and criticism was prodding me until I felt anger and a strong sense of self arise in me. I didn't know what to do because I was mainly practicing various forms of loving kindness meditation, and it didn't matter how peaceful and loving I could make myself with this type of meditation because clinging would arise in me, a sense of an angry I, and my peace would be destroyed.
I didn't know how to handle this situation and I still find myself caught in the same delusion, but have figured out how to pull myself out of it fairly quickly and let go of clinging to it.
An insight came to me in meditation: Ignorance is the only enemy. You don't get angry at an ant for being ignorant, so why get angry at anyone for being ignorant? In ultimate reality there is no self attacking another self. There is only ignorance attacking ignorance.
The way I've transcended above my boss's attacks is be constantly reminding myself of no self and that ignorance is the only enemy. When I see it this way, Right View has won the day and anger can't arise in me because the basis of anger has been wiped out.
I usually experience bliss when I'm doing some form of loving kindness meditation like Wishing Love from Lamrim. When I feel that blast of bliss I switch to analytical meditation on Emptiness then single pointed meditation on Emptiness, so I try to harness the bliss to reach Superior Seeing.
Last night while meditating I had an insight that scared the bajesus out of me.
I was doing a form of loving kindness meditation in which I chant blessings like, "May all beings be blessed. May my parents be blessed with joy and tranquility. May dogs and cats everywhere have enough food, water, and nutrients, and a safe place to sleep. May terrorists find kindness and love so much that it overflows to everyone."
And it goes on and on like that. Loving, blissful, intense energy blasts through me when I practice this meditation. I've been practicing this type of loving kindness meditation for a while, and I was pleasantly surprised to find out that many of the meditations in Lamrim are similar.
So, all was going fine.
Then weirdness happened.
For the first time I clearly identified the "I" that I think I am, and saw that it was a very weak construction that had no substance to it except the idea I've formed about it my whole life.
Okay, that's not very scary. But I looked right at it for the first time and saw that it was so flimsy and fragile that I felt it could dissolve at any moment.
If that happened, then what would I be? A conduit for supreme compassion, I supposed. What that entailed exactly, I don't know. Maybe it's the unknown that's scary. I mean, what's on the other end of something like that? Who are you when you are no longer you?
It's a source of stress and negativity for me. So I vow to banish it.
I'm taking an oath to stop watching and reading politics.
Who's with me! Say eye!