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In therapy I was discussing my "life script" and how it has lead to a self-fulfilling cycle of subjugation and self hatred. It was relieving to talk about. There are a few giant boulders keeping me from finally believing in myself. But I'm just chipping away at them day by day. I never had any experiences standing up for myself when I was young so I honestly do not know how to do it.
I feel a lot better. I know I can do great things and there's a lot out there for me. It's just the first step into that process that is so daunting. I want to do things to further myself, but I just can't get past the initial fear and confusion... I guess I don't know what to do so I do nothing. I don't blame myself anymore, I just know it is a fact. Courage is not the absence of fear; it's overcoming fear.
I am very interested in the Pure Land term "bombo" which in harsh words is "spiritual idiot." We are all bombo, we will never not be bombo, and despite that we can still find shinjin (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shinjin). In shinjin, bombo and Amida Buddha co-exist as one. The nembutsu (NAMU AMIDA BUTSU) is me, bombo, calling out to Amida Buddha. Amida answers immediately, because that is the power of his Primal Vow. If I keep the nembutsu in mind Amida is always with me. And even when I do not keep him in mind, he is still waiting for me in the Pure Land. All I must do is open my arms to him and listen closely.
I think bombo is the greatest equalizer. We are all bombo, whether rich or poor or genius or stupid. Amida also lets everyone into his pure land, regardless of their karma or condition. Everyone is the same to Amida, no one is better or worse than another...if Amida feels that way, and I do the nembutsu, then I will slowly learn that too.
I am going to take time for myself and try to work on my esteem and self love. I think if I did this (improving my bombo condition) and also heightened my practice (shinjin) I would believe in Amida and myself enough to do anything... It seems wistful now but I will get there
I searched for God and found only myself. I searched for myself and found only God.
@Kerome your mention of Universalists is interesting. There is a church in my area I want to check out. Upon reading their website they very much seem to be more concerned with compassion and embracing our differences rather than ignoring them or at worst substantiating them. I think it would be good to put the (Buddhist?) intellectual work I've been doing to practice with this church (multi faith Sangha?).
I think all these issues stem from teachings being lost in translation due to societal influences. When you cut that away as the Universalists have tried a purer form of love is very obvious. Isn't this what all original religious intent comes down to? Due to religions larger than life aspects there is a certain awe and beauty from which love naturally grows. The core teachings which focus on looking outside of ourselves all ring the same.
"My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness." - Dalai Lama
I will pray to medicine buddha and dedicate merit. He has 12 yaksha warriors to help. Send compassion and support. I empathise with you and hope everything goes well. I hope you find comfort in family And friends. And I will send gratitude to the nurses and doctors. Medicine works miracles every day now. But the greatest miracle will always be the strength and capacity of the human body.
good energy encourages healing physically. I always tell myself other humans have faced worse than this and survived. If I am also human just like them, then I too can survive.
“To the Bhagawan with equal compassion for all
Whose name when just heard dispels lower realms’ suffering
Dispeller of disease and the three poisons
I prostrate to Medicine Buddha Lapis Light.”
tayatha om bekandze bekandze maha bekandze radza samudgate soha"
Namo Amida Butsu
@Kerome significant insight can be found through spirits. I think you are missing the point. It it not a mind issue but a heart issue. Buddhism is not just about the mind. It is also about loving kindness. My mind is not loving or kind. I can't tame a mind affected by something literally out of my control. So I focus on the heart. I let go of myself and find love in Amida Buddha, who is known as a cosmic Buddha. Infinite light and love. That is his name; that is what he is. Is he real? Guatama Buddha said Amida was a monk named Dharmakara. Guatama also said he himself was not the first Buddha. Another Mahayana distinction is the idea of the Trikaya. Which Amida and Gautama represent.
When you reach the end of what you should know, you will be at the beginning of what you should sense. -- Kahlil Gibran
Not sure about robes. Pure Land is for the common people, lay and monk, foolish and wise alike. I've never been to any Buddhist temple. A dress code would surprise me. But if you have robes already, why not wear them? I'm sure many temple websites have info.
@seeker242 thanks for the reference material