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Tosh Veteran


Last Active
  • Re: Guilt

    @Vanilli said:

    Has anyone else struggled with this and does anyone have any advice that they'd kindly share please?

    Oh, yes, lots and lots of it. I've been a real idiot - massively so - when I was younger.

    I've even abandoned a family and two kids and my behavior was such that even my mother disowned me for ten years, where I didn't even know if she was alive or dead.

    And then there's all the people/organisations that I owed money too.

    And then there's the current Mrs Tosh and step daughter that had to deal with an active alcoholic.

    And there's a brother who I never communicated with.

    A best friend who I put in hospital during a drunken brawl.

    I definitely know how to deal with guilt; I also know guilt is extremely damaging. Regrets are okay and can be useful, but guilt is a killer.

    Could you be more specific about the stuff you're guilty of? I could offer some specific suggestions then.

  • Re: There is no such thing as truth?

    Thich Naht Hahn, who I find a bit flowery for my tastes, does a good explanation of emptiness here:

  • Re: how to simplify buddhism for beginners and advance participants

    @lobster said:

    • service providers not users

    Nicked; that'll be useful in 12 Step circles.

    My take on Buddhism is that the 4th NT breaks down into three categories:

    1. Live an ethical life.
    2. Meditate
    3. Practise compassion.

    I really don't have to understand the 16 aspects of the 4 NT, or the eight forms of suffering, etc, or the Two Truths from the point of view of four different Buddhist schools. Etc.

  • Re: Advice on discrimination at work

    I've no advice, but I always think people who come out as transgender are brave. I spent a long time in the British army and in the early 1990s we had a male Warrant Officer who came out as transgender. Fair play to the British army, where homosexuality was illegal just a few years prior, they were great about it and the Warrant Officer ended up heading the army's Diversity Team, where they travelled around different army units, speaking about diversity issues (sexual and racial discrimination).

    There's official policy around this area now.

    Anyway, as I say, I've no advice, but I reckon it takes real courage to do what that Warrant Officer and yourself has done. It's just a shame you've received a negative reaction to what - really - should be no big deal to anyone but yourself.

    As Fede says, keep fighting, motivated even by compassion for other transgenders who may not be as intelligent or able as yourself, but try to find some peace around the situation too (if that's what she said).

  • Re: Will Change

    I find I can't force a change, but what I can do is do stuff, or avoid stuff, and depending on what I'm doing or not doing, change happens.

    It's a bit like getting fit. I can't force myself to be fit, but I can 'do stuff', like run, which creates the potential for fitness, and the fitness just happens without any input from me.

    I take the actions and the change just happens all by itself.

    Today I'm avoiding chocolate, mostly.