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I don't like pain of any description. Personally, I'd prefer to think of psychological pain as a reminder that I'm often doing something wrong and see what I can learn from it.
And there are types of psychological pain that are perfectly natural to experience, such as the death of a loved one.
I think it's our relationship - how we handle that pain and how it affects us is the important factor.
For example, does it drive us to do unhealthy things (like drink or drug), or does it drive us to handle it in more healthy ways (like seeking out the company of friends or our spiritual circle for support)?
As a recovered alkie, I could not stand feeling the discomfort of any kind of psychological pain, which is probably why I drank the way I did. And when I got sober I thought the idea was to 'be happy' (not experience pain) so that I could remain sober.
But over the years (I'm a slow learner), I've learnt there's no avoiding pain, and I've somehow learnt to be okay, even when I'm not feeling okay.
If he wants you to be "hot" to stoke his desires that is placing the responsibility on you. Manifestly unfair. It's a two way street. What is he willing to do. If after four years of marriage he wants you to get all tarted up to turn him on then what is the rest of you worth to him?
I agree with you, but you know how we learn in Buddhism (or at least I was taught this) that we 'create concepts' with our minds, well as a man, who has had children, we tend to create our partners as 'mothers' or 'caregivers' and it's not the most on-turning of concepts to create.
What helps me is not only to see Mrs Tosh as a 'runner' or a 'mum' or a 'care giver', but as a 'fully-fledged sexual beast, who knows what she wants, and isn't afraid to take it', because that's a lot hotter than a 'care giver'.
Us men, we're simple things (in many ways); humour us with some suspenders and trashy make-up.
I'd happily wear a bat-man costume if asked!
In my opinion obesity is basically a result of eating too much and exercising too little.
More walking, less Neapolitan!
I was overweight, yet lifting 3 or 4 times a week and running 30 to 40 miles a week. No amount of exercise seemed to move that spare tire I carried with me.
And the thing about exercise is that it made me hungry, and I'd eat too much.
But when I did LCHF, my hunger cravings weren't nearly as bad; I wasn't needing to snack, and I just naturally gravitated to eating less.
20 lbs were lost - easily - in a few months.
Hi karasti, sorry, I can't help you; I've never looked into it at the same level of depth as yourself.
I did go through a phase of counting carbs and calories to lose weight, which worked (we kept it under 20g of carbs per day) but now we're both in maintenance, so we don't.
We just eat LCHF. We don't weigh, measure or count anything.
One of the reasons we did this was that it's meant to be great for endurance athletes, and last weekend Mrs Tosh put it to the test and came 1st lady (10th overall out of a field of 251 other runners) at a coastal ultra marathon, 33.6 miles.
Rather than relying on limited glycogen stores and having to re-fuel, she ate very little and relied on her fat.
She won a bit of Welsh slate, like a rooftile, and a £30.00 voucher for a running shop:
Her recovery seems to be better too; less muscle soreness. Fat is supposedly a cleaner burning fuel. Could be bro-science though!?
Sorry I can't be more help with your question.
Does pain serve a higher purpose, then?
As a general rule - away from meditation - I think pain can be a great teacher. Recovered alcoholics, for example, prize their rock bottoms because that was the turning point that led to recovery.
In A.A. literature it says "Pain is the touchstone for all spiritual growth."
When I'm in difficulties, for whatever reason, I have at times asked "What can I learn from this?"