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Tosh Veteran

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Tosh
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  • Re: Guilt

    @Kaydeekay said:What else is there to do?

    Not a lot, really. When it comes to our exes, normally the best thing we can do for them is to stay away.

    I have met a few women in A.A. who have asked me to be their sponsor. They say stuff like "I'm a tomboy and never really got on with other women".

    I always refuse to sponsor them because I'm a male and newly sober women really need other women to help and understand them.

    The only thing I can think of is that you could develop a friendship with another female and talk to them about it. It may help you process the guilt and you'll receive better feedback too.

    Kaydeekay
  • Re: Guilt

    @Kaydeekay said:
    As an exercise, I'm trying to replay my 'good deeds', like the past volunteering I've done.

    Why can't you try to amend the situation you feel guilty about? If you've harmed someone, can't you apologise and ask what you can do to rectify the situation?

    Obviously this depends on the type of harm you've done. As an example, a guy I sponsor beat his ex-wife up badly. He didn't go to prison because he was mentally ill and ended up in a mental hospital instead. But he still carried a lot of guilt over this.

    I explained his ex-wife wouldn't want to see him; that it may frighten or traumatise her further, but as an amend he could donate some money to a local women's refuge, thereby transforming something negative, into something positive that helps others.

    But some amends can be done directly. "Can I speak to you? I'm sorry for what I've done. Is there anything I can do to rectify what I've done?"

    It takes courage, but it does work.

    We can't change our pasts, but we can change our relationship with our pasts. It's tough being mindful of the present moment when we're carrying stuff like guilt, or any other negative afflicting emotion.

    And I don't think some stuff can be just 'mediated away'.

    Kaydeekay
  • Re: How did suffering begin?

    @Bunks said:
    It’s more important to focus on how to get out of suffering than worry about where it began. No one on here will ever be able to answer that question.

    I think evolutionary science can offer an insight into suffering. Our brains have evolved to be geared up for survival, not for happiness. Mother Nature want's us on our toes, anxious, keeping an eye out for predators. She wants us out of our caves, grasping for stuff, like status, food and sex.

    Mother Nature isn't keen on chilled peaceful animals who just sit about all day. They generally end up extinct.

    Obviously a lot of our software is out of date; we usually don't need to keep an eye out for predators anymore (for example).

    But your point is spot on.

    personlobster
  • Re: Environmental trigger

    I think some problems can't be tackled head on. I'm thinking of my alcoholism; trying to stop drinking wasn't the solution to stopping drinking, because I couldn't (not for any length of time).

    The approach which helped me isn't much different from a religious practice, such as Buddhism, where I had to learn how to live an ethical life (that's not as simple as it sounds), take a look at myself, make amends to those I'd harmed (if it wouldn't cause further harm) and in so doing created some 'good karma', with a practice of prayer, meditation, and compassion chucked in too.

    And funnily enough this lead to a more stable, happier and meaningful life, and the obsession to drink just left me.

    It's weird how it works.

    I suspect your problem would be similarly solved - or reduced - with a practice like that.

    I kinda think many problems are.

    lobsterperson
  • Re: Low Carb High Fat...

    One thing I like about LCHF is that you don't get that hungry-angry thing going on. Some days I just eat two meals and absolutely nothing in-between.

    And it's easy; no hunger.

    For me that's the 'magic'.

    I also think it's my body's way of saying "You're eating the right stuff", whereas when I'm on my standard rubbish diet, I was always feeling unsatisfied and having to eat more.

    Socairkarasti