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I found it too intimate...in an intrusive kind of way. I'm not going to call it weird....just uncomfortable, for me. After, I wondered if there was any science related to it... found this article:
ETA : this is a newer article .... 2017.
Going forward...its definitely about setting boundaries. I just need the right mentality to be able to do it. Like @karasti described above...the "understanding" can lead to cycles that go round and round. The understanding somehow my mind links to the compassion concept and so on. I think the trick is going to be working on not using the understanding as a free pass or just going along with things bec I feel "that's just how she is" or " I know why she;s this way".....I need to change the way I'm thinking/viewing the understanding and what it means...as relation to me and me and her...not just to her.
I've just come to the realization that I need to unravel the way I'm approaching and dealing with her.
I'm guilty. Specifically....with my Mother. I'm aware that the resentment is setting in, and it showed in my behavior this past week, when she was here visiting me for 10 days. I was miserable and stressed out...and couldn't wait for her to leave. Then...I felt guilty about being happy she was gone. I was nice to her the whole time...catered to things I knew wasn't good for her...all to avoid conflict or what I thought would be useless talking to someone who doesn't want to listen or change...and then chalked it all up to being 'compassionate'. I realized and was aware I was doing it....but couldn't stop it right then. I know I need to shift my thinking and intention and mindfulness on the front end. With that....I'm working/practicing on getting it together and stopping the suffering and frustration that I'm causing myself. Anyway...in case anyone else is suffering with this...these are some of the materials I'm digesting and chewing on...please feel free to share additional readings or practices you may use that help you (and might subsequently) help me.
I started with this:
How not to practice “idiot compassion"
....Ask yourself, “Am I avoiding conflict and calling it compassion? Am I afraid to be honest because I might end up being disliked? Am I letting people off the hook too easily? Am I setting myself up for resentment?” And if any of these is the case, muster your courage, and speak up, even if you make mistakes. The spiritual path is, as I like to say, the fine art of making mistakes.
Compassion is wishing that beings be free from suffering. Idiot compassion is avoiding conflict, letting people walk all over you, not giving people a hard time when actually they need to be given a hard time. It’s “being nice,” or “being good.”
It’s not compassion at all. It ends up causing us pain, and it ends up causing others pain.
The more someone self-consciously thinks of themselves as compassionate, the more likely it is that they’re a compassionate idiot.
Idiot compassion lacks both courage and intelligence.
True compassion does not shy away from causing pain when necessary. Causing pain is not the same as causing harm, by the way. The Buddha talked about this in relation to speech, in an interesting dialogue with a prince named Abhaya.
Another good nugget:
-- Buddhists Don’t Have to Be Nice: Avoiding Idiot Compassion ,
Note by Thanissaro Bhikkhu:
Although the Atthaka poems advise against engaging in intellectual contests, they imitate the Vedic enigmas in the way they use language to challenge the reader. Individual words — sometimes whole lines and stanzas — in the poems can be interpreted in a variety of ways, and it's up to the reader to explore and consider all the various meanings to decide which ones are most helpful. Although our culture associates word-play with jokes, the Atthaka stands at the head of a long line of Buddhist texts — both Theravada and not — that use word-play with a serious purpose: to teach the reader to think independently, to see through the uncertainties of language and so to help loosen any clinging to the structures that language imposes on the mind. This type of rhetoric also rewards anyone who takes the text seriously enough to re-read and re-think what it has to say.
Thus, the obscurity of some of the Atthaka's language can be regarded as a function, not of the poems' age, but of the genre to which they belong. The proper reading of a text like this requires that you question your assumptions about its message and clarify the intention behind your efforts at reaching an understanding. In this way, the act of reading is meant not only to inform but to transform. The more you give to it, the more it opens up new possibilities in the mind.
Two final notes on reading the Atthaka:
Although these poems were originally composed for an audience of wandering, homeless monks, they offer valuable lessons for lay people as well. Even the passages referring directly to the homeless life can be read as symbolic of a state of mind...
The poems center on descriptions of sages (muni) and enlightened people (dhira), but these words don't have fixed meanings from verse to verse. In some contexts, they denote arahants; in others, nothing more than intelligent run-of-the-mill people. So be alert to context when reading descriptions about sages and enlightened people, to see whether they're describing people following the path or those who have already reached the goal.
So...my 13 yr old (Adjua) and I are going over each one.... So I will post our discussion that we bounce about. Might bring about a different POV, you know?
Instead of sensual pleasure...I used the word she is more familiar with...which is craving. ..and then getting your craving met. We pointed out how she really wanted/craved the new Mario smash bros game...she got it...and then 2 weeks later, without even finishing/completing that one...she was already craving/jonesing for another one. I then asked her if she thinks giving into the first craving gave way for the rest...or if not getting ANY games would be the preferred outcome. We agreed that life needs good times, and fun things...but we have to keep it in check and be aware of what it does for us...or to us. And how easily it can snowball if we're not careful.