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federica · seeker of the clear blue sky · Moderator


Last Active
Languages Spoken
Italian, French
  • Re: Eclipse fever!!!

    @Vastmind said: Stamps are part of my love for stationary. I try to match the stamp to the occasion or the card/envelope. <3 :glasses:

    Stationary = not moving.
    Stationery - paper, envelopes, cards etc.

    It's a very common error. I have even had to correct my company's official website to this matter!

    (Don't hate me. I'm just helping! :D )

  • Re: The sources of anxiety: expectations

    You're neither of you alone, of course. The adage "We aim to Please" may have been a commonly-seen advertising slogan, but it has been drummed into us from an early age that we should put the well-being of others first. All too often, we have erroneously transformed such kindness from 'after you, me' to 'you have it, I'll go without' to differing extremes.

    It depends on our social circumstances, conditioning, upbringing, schooling and examples set by others as to whether we really do practise politeness, or whether we actually steer towards self-sacrifice.
    Having had a Convent Education myself, (put others first, selfishness is un-Godly, just what WOULD Jesus say..?!) I am constantly surprised by my occasional efforts to do things in order to please others. Jeez, I'm now 60 - you'd think by now I would have learnt to re-assess my priorities; not in a way to cultivate more selfishness and care less about other people, but to come to terms with, and accept that I am just as deserving - no more, no less - of the consideration and courtesy I extend to others.

    I should also have the right to not only expect the same treatment from others. I should by now be in a position to be able to express disquiet (irritation?) when things of this nature are kept from me, and if I am deprived of the same considerations - I should say so.

  • Re: Contradictory Buddhist Traditions?

    I (like @vinlyn) cannot be of direct and creditable assistance; however, I DO remember visiting a Theravada Monastery in Herts and being advised by a Bhikkhuni there that the 4 NT/8Fold path/ 5 Precepts could all be condensed into 1 single bit of advice: "Simplify!"

    Do not complicate your life by reading swathes of 'deep meanings' into the Buddha's example. Simplify your life and think good thoughts, say good words, do good deeds.

    I would add that it is majorly easier said than done.... ;)

  • Re: Metta

    @Bunks said:
    Generally charities (well the ones I donate to) don't spend more than 20% on salaries / admin costs. I have no problem with that.

    I just don't agree with pestering people who already give.

    Me too.

  • Re: Supporting one's parents

    My Mother became my Father's carer, because (a) he was 11 years older than she, and (b) they lived abroad.

    Now my Mother is 85, my father died in 2010, and she has returned to the UK, to the Town of his birth (I have seen the house where he was born; the local cemetery "houses" his relatives - parents, cousins, uncles and aunts). Now living in close proximity to her (closer, I confess, than I'd choose to be, for a large variety of reasons) it has fallen to me to be HER carer.
    Currently, she is recovering (well) from a Knee replacement operation. This has rendered her both immobile and dependent - 2 states which most definitely go against the grain and rub her up the wrong way.
    In my observation, I can see how frail she is, going mildly deaf, being a little forgetful and unsteady and wobbly on her feet at the best of times, let alone now.

    Such an existence is a reminder to her of her own fragility, and she resents it. Deeply.

    She has 3 older sisters, so longevity runs in the family. At this rate, all being fair and sound, she has a good decade ahead of her.

    It is worth noting - and remembering - that at this age, their mental acuity and faculties (devoid of any diagnosed medical cerebral issues, such as dementia, Alzheimer's, etc) are actually degrading naturally.

    This link illustrates the matter.

    Read the article, then scroll down and look closely at the chart on the Right. The volume of White matter is similar at the age of 80, to that of a 15-year-old. And who would give household responsibilities and important decisions to a teenager in the midst of puberty?!
    That's the mental level you'll be faced with, @kerome, once your close relatives reach that age. Worth keeping in mind that not only do they 'regress' mentally, they have a full life experience of having handled serious matters with ease and know-how - so such inabilities in their old age can leave them angry, resentful and frustrated. I should know!

    When the crapoola hits the rotating ventilator, remember this: Where they will be, so shall you.

    Be gentle with them.
    You'll ask the same of those who will eventually be charged with caring for YOU.