Howdy, Stranger!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!


Welcome home! Please contact if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take up to 48 hours. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.

spiderlily Explorer


Last Active
  • Re: Buddhism, vanity and sexual conduct?

    To add on, I don't think neglecting my looks stems from a place of insecurity - rather, it's more of a 'look at how vain and showy you used to be and all the trouble that got you into; let's stay away from that for now'.

  • Re: Buddhism, vanity and sexual conduct?

    @DhammaDragon I am quite secure with how I look, and I am not unattractive.

    If anything, I am more insecure about my knowledge on Buddhism, what I should and shouldn't be doing as a 'good' Buddhist, which is why I felt compelled to post on here and find out more. My question, to be exact, is: is it ok to be concerned with outward appearances as a Buddhist practitioner - and that has been answered already, so I think I'm good now.

    Thank you for sharing your perspective. Together with the rest of the replies here, it has all been very helpful to me :)

    That said, I probably come across as stiff and mechanical in my understanding on buddhism, given my limited exposure to Buddhism, so do bear with me :o

  • Re: Buddhism, vanity and sexual conduct?

    Hi again everyone. I have had a rather rough day today grappling with my emotions, but your kindness, concern and support (although sympathy is the last thing that I need right now!), has made everything this much easier to bear. Especially given how I might not be able to share this with anyone I know in real life. I don't feel so alone right now, so much thanks to all!

    @mosquito You've have really hit the nail on the head. My entire day today was a practice in mindfulness every step of the way (and for some reason, the image of Ajahn Sumedho's smiling face made me sob a little, hah!). I felt the waves of pain come and go, and I think I did pretty ok.

    Also, as what you have suggested, contemplating on my own actions and the path that I have to take on my own, instead of placing my focus on him, has helped to clear my mind a great deal. Thank you for reaffirming that I am perhaps heading in the right direction. I will definitely bear your words in mind when I hit my next emotional stumbling block.

    @federica Your understanding and empathy is deeply appreciated. I am probably quite bear-like in that aspect, myself!

    @Dakini that pricked a little but no harm done, and you did give me a chuckle or two so I guess we're even!

    @Kaydeekay I think you're really seeing the picture that I am seeing right now, and a double-bind describes very aptly what I'm feeling. Trapped between a rock and a hard place! It will be something to contemplate on when my emotions are less raw and I have enough mind and emotional space to do so. And thank you for your pointers on non-attachment. It really does boil down to balance, after all.

    Much love and thanks to all.

  • Re: Meditating, mindfulness, and writing fiction

    Hello @DhammaDragon Have always wanted to say this - I love your name! (And I'm a Scorpio too :grin: )

    Thank you for your advise. I did in fact, try to write freely (though it wasn't Immediatly after a meditation session). I did so today and yesterday, on the bus on the way to work and back home. It helped. Words are slowly starting to flow again, and I've managed to figure out a few things together with the help of all of you guys here.

    The writer's block is awful! But at the very least, this has been a very good exercise on mindfulness and introspection :)
  • Re: Meditating, mindfulness, and writing fiction

    @federica thank you. I've just realized, after reading through everything, that I've been throwing around the term "Buddhism" a lot, and I seem to be using it as a crutch. Time to start looking deeper inwards...