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What is the origin of low self esteem?
person
Don't believe everything you thinkThe liminal space Veteran
What do people understand to be the source of this? This was a new concept to Tibetan teachers coming to the west, so this seems to be primarily a western phenomena in origin. I wonder what some of the teachers from other traditons have to say about this.
Here's a funny story from Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche about trying to understandin what low self esteem is.
Here's a funny story from Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche about trying to understandin what low self esteem is.
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I also dont believe the guy developed low self-esteem in a few weeks, just by the fact he believes he did tells me he doesnt know what it is.
Why is this in "Buddhism for Beginners"?
yet again.
Listen - we removed "Buddhism for beginners" as the default forum, to enable people to make a more considered choice about where they should best post threads.
People are still using Buddhism for beginners as a dumping ground for any old thread and any old topic.
Would people PLEASE post mindfully!
By turning the quest not to hurt someone's feelings into a religion, well-meaning educators are producing a generation that doesn't know how to deal with failure or criticism. By praising people for doing nothing, we get people who expect reward without earning it. The real world doesn't work that way. These people have problems in any competetive environment, like work or college or real sports. You better believe people expect criticism for not meeting goals after you escape the cocoon of home and grade school, hurt feelings or not.
The problem is that false high self esteem is as bad as false low self esteem. True feelings of self worth come from a person's character and accomplishments. One of life's lessons is learning how to handle criticism, how to appreciate the accomplishments of people who do better than you, and even how to lose gracefully.
The poor Tibetan is used to a society where people are criticized when they don't do something correctly, and expected to do better to earn praise. No wonder he has a problem with the crazy Western way of dealing with each other.
This is not to defend the West, not at all. IMO, the West is inheritor to an Anglo-Germanic tendency to be reserved and not display emotions, and to a tendency toward harsh authoritarianism. It wasn't that long ago that parents believed that to "spare the rod" was to "spoil the child". And parents were instructed to let their babies cry rather than attend to them on demand. The baby was supposed to adapt to the feeding schedule, not the other way around. The West has defended some pretty barbaric childrearing practices until the 1960's when things started to change.
Eastern families sit on the floor.
Stop and think about the difference this makes to the children. The adults are on their level, interacting with them, not perched up on chairs that are over a child's head. Children were an accepted part of being in a home. Instead of having to tug on an adult's pants leg and getting brushed off, the child just walks up to you and you're forced to pay them attention.
When I sat down to visit a Korean family, the children in the room were crawling onto laps and looking you in the eye, especially mine. They were fascinated by the unusual looking stranger. You couldn't ignore them if you tried, unlike a Western house. If you needed privacy, the mother would gather them up and move them into a different room or outside, but they all grow up with a level of interaction unknown to the best Western household.
Then in highschool I do understand letting the most talented play, but its important to field JV and freshman teams, of course we are balancing the budget by having rich kids segregated from the poor kids stuck in public schools.
My teamates were so cruel to a fat kid on my soccer team that when he was running they ran up to him and literally kicked him on his rear and called him fatty.
In contrast I played with some Turkish guys and one of the players was absolutely terrible. I was the second worst being an american and this players comment to me was that we made the others feel like they were really good
Ridiculing less talented people is never a good thing. It is unprofessional in a work environment. At the same time pouting due to others expressing displeasure is equally negative. Both parties are trying their best for a good result but often a lack of cooperation, empathy, and communications.