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Expectations
ClayTheScribe
Veteran
So as I'm growing in my awareness, I've started to notice that a lot of my depression, anxiety and anger stems from my expectations on the future. I expect this person will call me back by 1 p.m. They do not and I feel frustrated, annoyed and anxious. I know that stems from me clinging to those expectations and not seeing the present moment as it is and instead how I feel it should be. What meditations can I do to help me better let go of expectations and how should I approach this in my everyday life? I would eventually like to live a life where I don't have expectations on the future at all.
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Of course that's just one theoretical example, but lots of things work basically the same way. Look at what a beautiful day it is. Look at what a nice breakfast you had. Look at whether any of this "stuff" is really that important.
Peace
in beingness we are in total acceptance of what is. we do not do beingness. we just are beingness.
rest in non dual awareness, which can be felt as a spacious presence in meditation. bring such meditation in all aspects of life.
in just being you are accepting. in accepting you are seeing what is. in seeing what is you are letting go. you aren't, but awareness is just seeing what is and by seeing what is, you continuously realize the dharma. all the poisons come and go. all the fruits come and go. everything comes and go. yet here is this awareness, which is clear, spacious, empty and stable.
in just seeing, buddha nature is. Feel it in the body. cultivate such presence and spaciousness. rest in the emptiness, which is a fullness. from this space you can respond. from this space you can watch all the tourists come and go. all of it is impermanent, empty of self, and completely lacking of any inherent satisfaction.
the game is surrender. just be. it's neither hard or easy. the mind asserts its role. there is nothing for you to do. just be.
then you will eventually surrender. when you surrender there will be tremendous bliss. KEEP GOING.
keep fighting until you realize the fighting won't work. you have to go through it, we all do.
then you'll just be. neither pushing or pulling. just this.
practice and practice and practice. fuck all these words. only go straight. sit and meditate. just be there. BE WITH the PROCESS. there is no end goal. meditation itself is the goal. just SIT.
I would try to take the relation between expectations and depression as a starting point for a meditation. You can first meditate on how clinging to the future makes you depressed in the present, and how silly that is. Then, in the second part of the meditation, you can just try to let go of all tension and relax in the present moment. I would also add a third part, where I tell myself that I will no longer allow thoughts about the future to disturb my awareness of the present moment.
Take care
Maarten
How do you feel when your expectations are not met?
Is it dukkha/stressful or sukha/pleasing?
Do you want what is dukkha to be yours?
Would you still feel agitated if you stop having expectations?
Regards
So that is just an example of what can happen when each time you face that expectation, disappointment, depression, and so on, If instead you can breath and take baby steps then you may get underneath one more layer. i can say even though i am still not a fan of conflict i feel much betterto understand what is driving my avoidance or depression rather than just being affected by it blindly.
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@Claythescribe -- It seems to me that if you are noticing the problem, you have made a good step towards your own solution. I don't mean that as some self-help fortune-cookie observation. Seriously, imagine how much worse things would be if you never noticed at all.
Keep on keepin' on.
I used to have the same troubles, however I simply practiced not having expectations in my mind and it got better. Took me a little while, but I got there. Your mind is very malleable.
You can always change it if you want to, it'll take some time as thought patterns and habits don't go away easily. But overtime if you practice thinking more positively with less expectations, one day it'll just be second nature.
Good luck on your journey @claythescribe
Gratitude gratitude gratitude!
One day on the street we were randomly shot at. We had not been hit by the bullet. Terrified friends surrounded us asking "ARE YOU OK?"
"NO I'M NOT OK!" my co-worker spat in all directions "Why didn't you get the @#$% license number on that #$%@ car, what's @#$% WRONG with you?!! @#$%! This @#$% world is @#$% falling apart! We need to bring back vigilante groups to get rid of @#$% people like that real quick, the system's not working... WHY DIDN'T YOU GET HIS #@%$ LICENSE PLATE!!!!"
Nobody could ever have gotten the license plate number on that car; it was all too sudden, too far away, too fast, but he ripped into those concerned well-meaning people anyway, sucking the light and life out of them like a vampire as he went on condemning everybody for not having met his expectations. He was accustomed to making demands of people and that people should fulfill his expectations, and he was furious that they had not. He went on and on that he could have been killed and that the entire world was falling apart.
He behaved badly, but he had never in his life experienced such a thing before. He had come to the university from swimming lessons at the country club his parents had belonged to, not from an urban underprivileged scholarship. The poor guy was understandably in shock.
"Welcome to the city," I told him gently, smiling encouragement.
"HOW CAN YOU BE SMILING?!!" he screamed at me in reply "THAT #$%@ JUST SHOT AT US!"
"Because he MISSED! Don't you see? He MISSED!
and I'm so very grateful he missed..."
Gratitude is the antidote to both expectations and bad behavior.
One must in such cases always meditate on what one is grateful for.
Gratitude gratitude gratitude!
So what have you got to be grateful for?
The sky above and another breath of air and not being in critical condition?
There is so very much to be grateful for in life!
I wonder if there is space in our hearts to hear people expressing their fears with the same gratitude? Said differently, it sounds like one bullet missed aura, but the "second bullet" hit her.
It seems like every time I start to think I have got it... there is another level and I have to remind myself if I "think" I have it, ego is just getting in the way.
It appeared to have undermined his relationship with them in that they no longer trusted him not to behave abusively toward them. It was very interesting to observe the difference in career satisfaction between being "professionals" in a career setting and being a truly functional crew, a working team, a functional family in a career setting. The difference between those two was the level of mutual respect and mutual trust, and his behavior had undermined that mutual respect and trust. It is amazing how long it takes to create trust in any relationship, and how easy it is to completely obliterate that trust by demonstrating abusive behavior.
I would say that you are absolutely right about the bullet not missing, but that it seemed as though he had shot himself in the foot.