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Anchor destroys bully on the air
RebeccaS
Veteran
A viewer emails a news anchor, and she responds on air http://www.upworthy.com/bully-calls-news-anchor-fat-news-anchor-destroys-him-on-live-tv
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Comments
And the presenter certainly appealed to emotion (remembering your previous post), saying stuff like "What if he spoke about it to his children? They would've went to school and called someone fat."
Apparently, according to the BBC news: Maybe the author of the e-mail has a valid point?
Then I thought, if she does have one of these problems, wouldn't she just mention it? And I figured maybe not. Would you necessarily want to share your medical history with an entire town or state? I'm not sure I'd be comfortable disclosing that kind of personal information and I can understand why someone else wouldn't want to either.
I think it's more of a "think about what you say before you say it" message rather than a don't express your opinion message.
If someone sent me that email, I'd be hurt, too.
Like the anchor said, she knows she's fat, and as a woman living in a time when we're constantly criticized for the way we look (seriously, look at any magazine on the rack in a convenience store) she's probably given herself a lot of grief over it, too.
What's the intention of the letter writer? Does he think he's telling her something she doesn't already know? Does he think he's doing her a favor?
He took the time out of his day to write that email, but how much did he really think about it before he hit the send button?
What reaction did he expect from her?
I'm kind of on your side as to the use of the word bullying, I don't know how appropriate it is, but in considering various explanations for the intention of the letter I'm not really coming up with anything positive. It reads to me like rudeness wrapped in a veil of "constructive criticism". I view the criticism aspect as a veil because it doesn't really seem very constructive at all.
http://www.channel3000.com/news/Anchor-responds-to-viewer-s-letter-about-her-weight/-/1648/16831098/-/arnusnz/-/index.html
That's not to say that the email wasn't rude. It certainly was.
I also thought back to a teacher we had in our school. Not just fat, but an obese slob. And I do not say that lightly. Her hair was rarely washed or combed/brushed. She often had crumbs on her blouse...or grease stains from eating. And she was way fat (and by the way, I am fat myself). Twice, I had small groups of students make an appointment to see me, and both times their message was -- how can you hire a person like this to be our teacher? What kind of example do you think she sets for us? Do you want us to grow up like her? Now, during both appointments, there was no rudeness at all. They stated it just about like I just related it. Were they right to come and express their opinion? I think were...because...she was one of our PHYSICAL EDUCATION TEACHERS who had to teach physical fitness and nutrition.
Again, I think the email above was very rude, but not bullying. It just wasn't expressed in a bullying sort of tone. I think the guy expressed himself on an issue he thought was significant...although he was certainly misguided.
"I think were...because...she was one of our PHYSICAL EDUCATION TEACHERS"
You can't make that stuff up
@Vinlyn do you sound like George Carlin? When I read that it was in Carlin's (outraged) voice.
"I think were...because...she was one of our PHYSICAL EDUCATION TEACHERS"
You can't make that stuff up
@Vinlyn do you sound like George Carlin? When I read that it was in Carlin's (outraged) voice.
LOL...I used to enjoy the first 40 minutes of George Carlin's hour long HBO specials so much. Then the last 10-15 minutes he would go on his rants and I would lose interest.
I just wish people would keep stuff like that to themselves. On the opposite side of the spectrum, I have had many people who I didn't know make snap judgments about me and accuse me of anorexia/bulimia. This happened more when I was working in retail and women constantly had that size issue on their mind. It always makes me feel exactly how she did. I wanted to be like, "B****, you don't know me!" Lol. If I did have an eating disorder, which I don't, those comments wouldn't be helpful... and since I don't, they're just insulting. Either way, coming from a stranger, it seems rude and doesn't seem compassionately inspired.
One can rationalize all they like, but making assumptions and judging others' health, wealth, intelligence, character or worth based solely on outward appearances is wrong. wrong, wrong.
A human being is a human being, no matter what their size, their skin color, their bank account. Everyone deserves respect on a human level. No human being should need to defend their 'worth' because they don't fit someone's (or society's) narrow definition of "acceptably attractive" or even "healthy".
And to verbally and/or publically criticize, discriminate, or in any way demean, or shame others based solely on outward appearances is, indeed, a form of bullying. There really is nothing funny, or amusing about it.
I also think you can, to a degree, tell a lot about a person more often than not based on how they look, including the condition of their body, the clothes they wear etc. You might not be able to tell what they are like as person, but you can probably get a good idea of how much money they have access to, the culture they identify with and lots of other little bits of information that do go into making the whole picture of a person and the life they lead.
You don't get the whole picture, of course not, but you do get a glimpse of parts of it.
Of course, you can always be wrong, too, but we shouldn't just dismiss anything we learn because we might be wrong about it, it we just stay aware of the fact that we could be.
But, we also know that most overweight people are that way -- including me -- because of bad nutrition and/or a lack of exercise. I started getting very overweight back about 15 years ago when, over a very short period, I fell twice (once on the ice, and then off a ladder) and broke my shoulder and then my elbow, and was advised to do no exercise for 16 weeks due to the nature of the fractures. My weight ballooned from just slightly overweight (170 instead of 157) to quite overweight (all the way up to 254). For a long time the doctors said -- yes, you need to take back off the weight, but it is not affecting your health...at this point. Well, now, 15 years later in many small ways, that weight gain is affecting my health, although I have gone down to 224. Breathing, endurance, heart rate, are among the issues I am now having, not to mention well-controlled high blood pressure. At least I was in my 50s when I put all the weight on, but when I see young people already so fat, I feel concern over their long-term prognosis.
I, of course, am not a doctor, but this issue of discussing weight management comes up frequently for me as a massage therapist. When men with bulging beer bellies ask me why their low back hurts all of the time, what else can I say but be honest? But I like to think that I have developed a little more tact in handling the situation than what I saw above in the so-called "community responsibility" letter.
People make incorrect assumptions and judgements on a daily basis, and use those assumptions to justify their "opinions" and behaviors. What you THINK you see, is not always reality. I might see a lady with a screaming child and assume she's a bad parent with an out of control kid. When perhaps the child isn't even hers, or the child is autistic, or any number of things. I'm sure people make plenty of judgements about me when I go to the grocery store in my fleece pants, hoodie, and flip flops, lol. Whatever. I don't give people the benefit of being able to judge me from the outside. If they don't bother to get to know me personally, they can continue to judge based on appearance and be wrong. No skin off my back to have them think things about me that aren't true. But if they are going to air their incorrect opinions in public, that's a different story.
Lastly, I'm tired, so tired, of people using hate and bigotry as an excuse to voice their "Opinion." You can't cover up hatred by claiming it's an opinion.
It should be no different than looking at a blonde person and 'concluding' that person is a blonde. Or tall. Or brown. Or blue-eyed, etc.
Why can't we - as a society - strive for a point in time when "observing" someone is fat is about as important as observing who has blonde hair, or blue eyes, or is brown skinned? What makes that observation relevant - unless, of course, you are describing a crime suspect to police, or explaining your personal dating preferences to someone....?
I feel that way about George Carlin's last several years of his career... he allowed his funny, irreverent -and cynical - views to lose their funny edge and POV, and instead sweep him along into a bitter, mean-spirited, totally un-funny old man - without a drop of compassion.
I've read even some of his close personal and professional friends started avoiding him those last few years. ::: shrugs:::
Vinlyn said:
It's really weird in Thailand. I guess they do it as a means of showing they can carry a conversation in English, but it is not too unusual to be out in public and have someone you don't know say (like in an elevator), "Oh, you are fat" (and perhaps even pat your belly), or "Oh, you are bald", or "How much did that shirt cost", or "What is your salary". And it isn't a judgement call on their part, just an observation.
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LOL, I can totally see that happening!
But let me ask you this;
if after a few times they approached Americans or others with this kind of verbal "observation" they were told - very politely, but clearly - that it was 'rude' to make those kinds of observations out loud and to encroach on someone's personal boundaries with unwanted or unwelcome touching, would they apologize and/or stop doing it?
See, I always understood Thai people to be a polite people, never intentionally being rude or caustic... is that true, generally speaking?
I do think that, along with "mai pben ria" began to fall apart a bit as the Red Shirts began their assault on traditional Thai values.
Ahhh, well that's good to know, and good for the Thai people.
But in America when you tell someone who wants to talk at you, mock you, lecture you, or give you unsolicited advice and eating or dieting tips, based on the fact that you're fat, and you tell them they are being rude/caustic or crossing boundaries, etc., what do you get back?
You get accusations -- of being ignorant or in denial, and 'needing' someone to set you (the fat person) straight, and needing that rude intrusion 'for your own good' / health.
Well, I call BS on all that. And so did Jennifer Livingston.
I wonder if the author has kids, and if so, what he/she feeds them? Does he/she make them play outside daily and get exercise, or allow them to play video games all day? What does the author weigh?
Oh well. Once you put yourself in the public eye, you're open to this kind of thing, and just have to deal.
It doesn't make a damn bit of difference if he "has a point" or not. It's rude and sexist and bullying behavior. This man felt the need to criticize a perfect stranger, went out of his way to make sure she heard him, and for no other reason than the way she looks offends him. All the rest is simply him justifying his selfish behavior.
I repeat, and no there is no ifs or buts about it: it's none of this man's damned business how much this woman weighs. It's none of our business. This man thinks being overweight is a moral failure that disrupts the community. As a member of that "community" he feels that he has the right to confront the sinner.
If you think morality police are a good idea, try living in a Muslim country where this attitude is accepted and a man can confront you on the street for not wearing the proper covering. You think that's wrong? Why? It's the same attitude that allows someone to confront an overweight woman and give her a lecture on how terrible her "choice" to be fat is and how she owes it to the community to conform.
My wife has struggled all her life to lose weight, and to keep her weight down to where her diabetes is under control. No, she's not a pig and doesn't overeat and she also exercises. She eats half the food I bet any one of you does and still finds it hard to lose a pound and will never be her "accepted" weight.
The other thing you need to see in this is, the man is being a coward. It's easy to criticize people from the safety of a keyboard. What would you think if this man walked up to you in a diner and told you to lose weight? This man gets off on attacking people, using some high moral ground as an excuse, knowing the attacked can't hit back. But someone hit back for once. Good for her.
An interesting follow-up interview with the anchor.
Someone who knows this guy needs to step in and stage an intervention for someone suffering from chronic don't know when to shutup disorder.
http://www.channel3000.com/entertainment/Ron-Livingston-extremely-proud-of-his-sister/-/1628/16862364/-/hnbpc7z/-/index.html
I saw a headline somewhere where the author of the letter has apologized, but I didn't read it. Not much point, i assume that he's apologizing because he is being forced to by pressure from society. I wanted to point out that while he was in the wrong for what he did, there are people in the wrong for what they are saying about him, too. Not people here, but elsewhere. It's amazing how when someone does something wrong, people are willing to do worse to that person just to show them how wrong they were.
When an internet famous bear from where I live was killed by a hunter last fall, the fans of the bear (which they watched give birth on a web cam) were outraged, and understandably upset. Where they lost is was when they started tryin to figure out who the hunter was, and randomly called businesses and other places in town making threats towards the person they suspected. Even worse, they were wrong, and almost cost a guy his job! Anyhow, it's always interesting to me to observe this type of behavior. To feel justified in behaving *worse* than the original offender, because somehow his doing something wrong, and making a mistake, makes him worthy of hate on the other side of the coin.
If you read the comments below any of the news stories on the various sites, they're full of people posting who not only think he was justified, but don't think she should even be allowed in front of the camera, etc. It started with the war on smokers. Now fat people are the new sinners with the scarlet letter that deserve our shaming.
People never change.
Sigh.
What?
First of all, Americans (and even the once skinny Thais) are getting fat. A group of us went to lunch at Panera the other days (and 3 of the 4 of us are on the fat side), but we noted that Panera had a slimmer clientele overall than other places we go. And it's not healthy to be considerably overweight...at least in the long run.
Nor is it healthy to be abnormally skinny. Ann Coulter was on Bill Mahr's show the other evening. I looked at her hands. There is something seriously wrong there.
We Americans need to learn to begin making better food choices and getting more exercise. Right now we're a county where half the people do something along the lines of what is reasonable, and the other half are not taking care of themselves at all.
It's true though, eating disorders being constantly on the rise and people becoming less and less healthy. It's very sad.
Now stop bullying me with answers you could have worked out.
Now stop bullying me with answers you could have worked out.
I wasn't bullying you, I didn't understand what you meant.
I still don't, really.
Are you saying the anchor was wrong to use her position in the media to call him out? That it was also an act of bullying?
Women are judged by appearance, through advertising . . . more on that after a short break . . .
We all become complicit in social bullying when we endorse the righteous indignation of this presenter. What right does she have to belittle him for the sake of her program? She does not know him or his perhaps well meant expression.
Bullying is a serious issue and it is about intent. I do not believe she or the poster were people of bad intent.
Sometimes we have to go beyond the superficial appearances . . . which is I believe, what this is all about . . .
But I will say that the idea that television only presents practically anorexic looking role models really isn't correct...if that's what you're saying. I watch dancing with the stars (at least I do some years). This year they have (again) Kirstie Alley and Bristol Palin, the former who is (depending on the month) downright fat, the latter who is certainly not slim. There's the show "Mike And Molly", one of the co-hosts of "The View" is chunky, and Candy Crowley hosted Monday's debate. I could go on.
Publicly calling others to the carpet for any bad and unacceptable behavior is in no way the same as being someone who is exhibiting the bad or unacceptable behavior.
One reason the constant widespread shame and blame is heaped upon fat people is because too many of us 'accept' that behavior. Too many of us don't grasp the notion that this IS blatant bullying, unfair and unkind.
There are not enough social consequences or stigma attached to belittling or berating women (in general) - or anyone - based on looks when they are in the public eye, but especially when they are fat. And children are not exempt from this bullying either- sometimes by their own family and friends- people they can not escape from!
Well, today there are many fat people, and supporters of fat people, who feel the time has come for some real, public, out-loud-and-proud defense against people who bully and abuse others (especially children!) based on looks; just the same as if they were being bullied and abused for skin color, economic standing, or religion. Period.
But there's a whole psychology of issues on the victim, too. While they don't deserve to be bullied, some bring it on themselves.
Last week when I was in the grocery store, everyone stopped to stare at a woman. She was very fat and wearing a tank top and very short shorts. Fat was hanging out all over. She was Black, which I mention simply because she was having a screaming fit on her cell phone with, apparently, her boyfriend...and the best I can describe it, it was that ghetto talk. Quite entertaining, really. And suddenly, she realized quite a few people were looking at her. "What you looking at bitch? You redneck bastard. I'm about to bust you in your fucking nuts." So lets see, to answer her question of what was people looking at -- a big fat woman who was wearing clothes that were not too far from exposing everything, blobs of fat, screaming obscenities into her telephone, and slapping her little boy when he said something. She brought the stares on herself.
One day when I was still a principal, we had a 12 year old come up and ask me why so many kids made fun of him, and what were we going to do about it. So I leveled with him. His vocabulary and the way he talked was like something out of a comedy movie...he played the role of "the little professor", talking like no adult, no matter how sophisticated you are you've never seen. No one talks that way except in a movie put-on. I told him if they wanted the other kids to stop making fun of him, just try to be a little more like other kids...or at least other adults who were scientists and philosophers. He told me no, he wasn't going to "lower" himself to act like other people. He was bringing it on himself.
For some people, sometimes, if you want people to treat you differently, you need to evolve a bit yourself.
OK, here's my reply to the obnoxious/loud/fat woman in the store:
What did you find more distasteful?
The fact that she was loud, rude, and obnoxious -- or the fact that she was "too fat" to be wearing revealing clothing? What if she had been a perfect size 5, perfectly acceptable to be wearing a revealing belly shirt, short-shorts, having cleavage hanging out all in everyone's face?
Would you bother mentioning she was a size 5 and shapely and (therefore more?) appealing?
Or wouldn't it matter, because after all, what was REALLY distasteful was her obnoxious language and behavior - despite what she was wearing or how big she was.
Bottom line is, if she was some petite, 100 lb waif, dressed like a $2 hooker, and had that foul mouth and no manners, she would no better (than the fat woman) in my book.
I'm a fat gal, I would never be caught DEAD wearing the clothes that you described that woman wearing...not even at home, never mind in public! LOL But on the other hand, apparently she is not worried about it. She is not embarrassed or feeling shame about her (big fat) body showing- and that's fine by me.
*I* could never do it, but why should I judge her - or anyone - for being comfortable and unashamed about themselves. SHAME is not a virtue, and shaming someone is not a 'gift'.
Her behavior on the other hand was trashy, rude and unacceptable. But I don't see how that is or should be connected to her body size (fat or thin) or how she dressed. She could have been wearing $400 shoes, a Vera Wang cocktail dress and a ton of diamonds, she was still an a-hole. She did bring the stares on herself. Her behavior was atrocious. But she wasn't 'bullied' by anyone, so I'm not sure I get the significance of this story here....
As for the 12 yr old kid in your school.... Well, let me start off by saying I respect you Vin, and I respect your gift of teaching and being a principal. I have tons of family members and a sibling involved in both teaching and administration for many many years. I appreciate what they do and the shit they put up with...
That being said; and with all due respect, I think you were wrong in believing that weird odd little kid was "bringing it on himself" - because he would not lower himself (his words) to act like other, more typical, (probably less intelligent?) kids. Sorry, it's just wrong.
He is who he is. He is different. He is not being bad, not being destructive or distracting in class, he's not causing trouble, there is no reason in the world he should ever be encouraged to be anyone other than WHO HE IS, in order not to be bullied or harassed.
What if he was gay? Should he go through life pretending he was all macho and sports-minded just so he wouldn't get picked on? WHY should he start talking 'stupid' and using street slang just to be like the others?
Would you ever suggest he act/talk "white" in order to fit in, even if he was Latino or Black?
No, I'm sorry Vin, but this time I just can't agree with your take on these scenarios here.
People who are bullied or harassed should NOT BE bullied or harassed for ANY reason, whether or not You or I or anyone thinks they can "help it" or are bringing it on themselves. Bullying needs to stop.
In terms of the boy, I think you missed a key point. He asked me why kids made fun of him and why they didn't want to associate with him. I answered his question. And yes, I forgot to mention this, we continued to punish kids who were rude to him. I made it clear that he had the right to assume whatever persona he wished, but that he didn't have any inherent right to assume people would be attracted to that persona. And the question I had for him was, which did he want more -- the persona, or friends. He chose the persona.
You also apparently missed my opening comment to your post: " Mary Anne, of course you are correct...they don't deserve to be bullied...."
And you know, you can't force children to be friends someone. And you can't punish a child for not wanting to associate with someone else.
My point actually goes back to a key concept in Buddhism -- seeing things as they really are. We can't always control what others do, what we can control how we adjust to situations.
"And yes, I forgot to mention this, we continued to punish kids who were rude to him. I made it clear that he had the right to assume whatever persona he wished, but that he didn't have any inherent right to assume people would be attracted to that persona. "
Ah, yes, that does add quite a bit to your scene there! Good to know the other side of that coin.
As for his persona, are you SURE it was a put on persona, and not just how he really was? I mean did he behave/speak that way ALL the time, even at home? Maybe it wasn't a personality trait he could so easily change? Curious situation. Kids can be sooo weird, right?