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Helping strangers

I find this hard to understand. Normally, people say it is essy to help one's family or friend, or someone you know. But helping random strangers is the real test of compassion, since even a bad person could help his own son or daughter. But in my case, I find it imposible to care for the ppl I know while finding it very easy to help strangers.

What do I make of this?

Comments

  • RebeccaSRebeccaS Veteran
    edited October 2012
    I find it harder, too. I find it's because I care what the people close to me think, and their reaction to my attempt at kindness is important to me, as is their perception of my action and their acceptance of it. With strangers, you do it and you move on. There isn't much of a personal investment there and there is less chance of rejection.
  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator
    Depends on the people you know, I suspect. With some of the challenging people in my family, I would often have a much easier, and enjoyable time helping complete strangers (even the less than grateful sort) than helping them. Also would depend on the kind of help they need too, I imagine. I wouldn't say that helping strangers is the real test of compassion. I would say more so that helping those who you have the most difficult time with, yet doing it anyways with a full open heart and full compassion would be more of a real test.

    It's pretty common even with daily life, for people to treat strangers better than their family. How many times do you see parents dragging their kids down the street, yet they open the doors for strangers and mind their manners around them? It's easier to do because we don't have that connection with them that sometimes makes our lives difficult.
  • When I think about it, this is true for me as well. One thing that Buddhism has taught me is compassion towards people, some times my GF will be jealous even if I am helping a woman with a heavy box or something, there are no intentions behind it, they clearly need some quick help.. I actually leant someone some money about 2 hours ago who I barely know, so this is one part of the Buddhas teachings I find quite easy to practice with right effort.
  • lobsterlobster Crusty Veteran
    I suppose we can extend the sense of family and learn to live with the most difficult people. The difficult people are probably those most like or near us . . . or even in us. We are in a sense a family of Buddhas or personalities . . . . :rocker:
    ThailandTom
  • music said:

    But in my case, I find it imposible to care for the ppl I know while finding it very easy to help strangers.

    What do I make of this?

    Your have an attachment to your family. You either love or dislike them more that you do strangers. Not wanting to help can even be a sign that you care enough for them to stand one their own feet!

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited October 2012
    music said:

    ...... But in my case, I find it imposible to care for the ppl I know while finding it very easy to help strangers.

    What do I make of this?

    @music,
    Well, given that you're in your 70's and as you tell me, 'a little bit senile', soon, you'll need the help of those close to you, so opening up and being a bit more compassionate will help you, by seeming more deserving of that help, when the time comes that you will be helpless. Particularly as you are a virtual recluse, and have funds to support yourself.... that will come in handy when you need MediCare....

    No?

  • Its simple really, there are a great number of people in need of help out there. Perhaps people who are close to you are not in need?
  • federica said:

    music said:

    ...... But in my case, I find it imposible to care for the ppl I know while finding it very easy to help strangers.

    What do I make of this?

    @music,
    Well, given that you're in your 70's and as you tell me, 'a little bit senile', soon, you'll need the help of those close to you, so opening up and being a bit more compassionate will help you, by seeming more deserving of that help, when the time comes that you will be helpless. Particularly as you are a virtual recluse, and have funds to support yourself.... that will come in handy when you need MediCare....

    No?

    Good point, cupcake.
  • NHS NHS NHS I will always love you great almighty NHS
  • I must have been a hermit too long. What is NHS?
  • driedleaf said:

    I must have been a hermit too long. What is NHS?

    National hermit society.
    PrairieGhost
  • National Health Service, and to be honest I am so so soooooooo thankful I have a British passport. I can have freee healthcare if something goes really wrong. It is no joke and to be honest, I do not undersrstand a lot of the USA population with their views against such a service. It truely gives you peace of mind and I have had to be in hospital in the UK due accidents in ER twice with little delays whatsoever, when I was a baby I had suspect meningitus, but it wasn't, that got sorted quickly obviously. I just dob'tget it, why do you guys cling to this insurance crap? Seriously....
  • music said:

    driedleaf said:

    I must have been a hermit too long. What is NHS?

    National hermit society.
    If there was a tag for the opposite for laughter I would have pressed it. I had a friend who at 14 had a brain tumor, cancerous. That was removed and the best was done, he had little odds to begin with. Then at 16 it cam back and he soon died. Also, back in the UK my hair dresser, her new born baby had cancer and is now 7 years old fit and fine thanks to the NHS, free and not having to pay a penny of insurance etc.
  • DaftChrisDaftChris Spiritually conflicted. Not of this world. Veteran

    National Health Service, and to be honest I am so so soooooooo thankful I have a British passport. I can have freee healthcare if something goes really wrong. It is no joke and to be honest, I do not undersrstand a lot of the USA population with their views against such a service. It truely gives you peace of mind and I have had to be in hospital in the UK due accidents in ER twice with little delays whatsoever, when I was a baby I had suspect meningitus, but it wasn't, that got sorted quickly obviously. I just dob'tget it, why do you guys cling to this insurance crap? Seriously....

    Because those who support insurance (primarily conservative republicans) are afraid of "socialism" taking over America. Which is why things like universal healthcare and alternative energy sources are very difficult to get off the ground.

    Hell, there are those who think being altruistic is "enabling laziness" and "gives the poor no motivation to better themselves".

    ...WHAT!?!

  • So again it comes down to money and not human life and suffering? I am glad the UK got something right back in the day and sorry, I don't give a shit what anyone from the US will reply, it works and has done for years.
  • DaftChrisDaftChris Spiritually conflicted. Not of this world. Veteran

    So again it comes down to money and not human life and suffering? I am glad the UK got something right back in the day and sorry, I don't give a shit what anyone from the US will reply, it works and has done for years.

    Pretty much.

    Which is why I'm considering moving to Europe or Canada after I get my Masters degree. I'm thinking Montreal or somewhere in the U.K. The future of the U.S. is not a bright one.

  • ThailandTomThailandTom Veteran
    edited October 2012
    DaftChris said:

    So again it comes down to money and not human life and suffering? I am glad the UK got something right back in the day and sorry, I don't give a shit what anyone from the US will reply, it works and has done for years.

    Pretty much.

    Which is why I'm considering moving to Europe or Canada after I get my Masters degree. I'm thinking Montreal or somewhere in the U.K. The future of the U.S. is not a bright one.

    I totally agree and probably would suggest Canada as a safer option IMO to be honest. The people there also seem to be more down to earth, friendly and statistics on things are just better. If I was in the UK now and had say lung cancer or I had just broken all the bones in my right leg, everything would be free. I really don't understand why money should overcome human health, but hey, you all choose where you live.
  • DaftChrisDaftChris Spiritually conflicted. Not of this world. Veteran
    I didn't choose, I was born here. But that certainly doesn't mean I have to stay. ;)
  • DaftChris said:

    I didn't choose, I was born here. But that certainly doesn't mean I have to stay. ;)

    Of course it doesn't, the world is and should be a free place to an extent. I can live wherever but if something is really wrong with my health I would just go back to the UK and get free health service as I have a British passport. I am always one to think about the world as looking at it from space with no borders, yte on a map so so different. Man made those borders and look what has become of it.
    DaftChris
  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator
    Because too many people here don't want to help ANYONE. It goes back to the "American Dream" and the idea that many people still believe if you just work hard enough, you can be and do anything you want, and that means if you aren't doing that, something is wrong with you and no one should be helping you. Also along with that is a "I worked for what I have, what's mine is mine and I'm not sharing with the likes of someone who didn't have the foresight to work for what I did." Selfishness and messed up priorities. That's what should be printed on our dollar bills instead of "In God We Trust."

    I don't agree with the system, at all. But part of the problem is that the money that many of the new developments, new treatments, new machines and such are invented here, and someone has to pay for all that development and testing process, which takes years and years. Also, the maximum amount of time you have to wait is usually a couple months and that's only specialists (in most areas) and you can, as long as you have decent insurance, see whoever you want that your insurance will cover. Because we have widely accepted insurance, I can make an appointment in another city to see whoever I want, and it's covered. If I want to see my doctor on Tuesday, chances are, I can.

    My friend who lives in Guelph, Ontario has a back problem (disease, can't remember what it is called) and she is on a 7 month waiting list for the physical therapist she needs to see. When she had an MRI it took a month to get the results, on top of waiting 3 months to get the MRI. That doesn't happen here. Not defending the system, just saying sometimes it has it's benefits, as long as you have insurance. We are lucky. Too many people are not, and it's very sad what they go through not having insurance.

    The part that gets me, is that insurance companies pay LESS for medical care than a person with no insurance. My insurance pays about 50% of what is due, and that is considered paid in full, whereas someone without insurance will have to pay 100%. Backwards.

    Having health care, what amounts to the life of people, be a for-profit business really really sucks. Companies that invest in the health of others shouldn't have shareholders that make decisions for them. Following the entire system is pretty amazing (in a bad way) and shows very well how little too many Americans value anyone's lives but their own. But, there are those of us who do care, who want changes made. Remember a lot of Americans live in debt, in more debt than many of them can pay off within any reasonable timeframe. They don't want to give up their vacation homes, their 5 car garage (and the 5 cars) or anything else to help someone else by paying a high tax rate to support socialized medicine. Rich people pay far less of a % of their income than middle class Americans pay, and they certainly aren't going to vote for anything that requires them to pay MORE.
    ThailandTom
  • Money, that is the problem. Money or health, take a long and slow step back and look at the world that is built around you. You don't have money, you don't basically get treated for life saving illnesses and accidents. End of IMO.
  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator
    Most places cannot refuse to treat you for inability to pay if it is a life threatening emergency. But that varies widely. My cousin who stole a car and had an accident has now wracked up $150,000 in medical bills that he will never pay and he has no insurance. They still saved his life, and continue to work on him with surgery and therapies. But if you get cancer and can't pay for treatments and don't have insurance? That's another story and your options are more limited unless you can get charities and other things to help you out, or have good enough credit to take out tens of thousands of dollars of loans (if banks will approve it thinking you are going to die, that is). Everything in America comes down to money. Every. Single. Thing. Including your life.
  • DavidDavid A human residing in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. Ancestral territory of the Erie, Haudenosaunee, Huron-Wendat, Mississauga and Neutral First Nations Veteran
    lobster said:

    I suppose we can extend the sense of family and learn to live with the most difficult people. The difficult people are probably those most like or near us . . . or even in us. We are in a sense a family of Buddhas or personalities . . . . :rocker:

    I dig that. We are all much more than kin to me... We are all part of the same process. Unique aspects of the same thing. I'd be willing to bet that every single one of us could be good at something the rest of us could benefit from if given the chance. If only we invested in that instead of bombs... I do see it happening though.

    This is a very relevant topic for me because I am in school right now becoming a PSW and it will be my job to help people I don't know personally.

  • The greed within manifests as the greed outside. Blaming the system is an excuse. If the system is so bad, people should get together and do something, not merely complain.
  • DaftChrisDaftChris Spiritually conflicted. Not of this world. Veteran
    @music

    As easy as it is to say "don't complain and do something about it", we need to keep in mind that revolution means nothing this day and age. Need we forget the Occupy Wall Street "movement"?
    ThailandTom
  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator
    It is going to take a larger number of people to create a revolution in America. A partial or total economic collapse will get people moving. I don't think much less will work. And again, don't assume just because we are talking about it online, that no one is doing anything. We can only work on so many problems in the world. There just aren't enough hours to raise a family, take care of elderly relatives, and save the entire world.
  • RebeccaSRebeccaS Veteran
    edited October 2012
    DaftChris said:

    @music

    As easy as it is to say "don't complain and do something about it", we need to keep in mind that revolution means nothing this day and age. Need we forget the Occupy Wall Street "movement"?

    I try to forget :lol:

    I'm kidding, I completely forgot about it until just now.
  • JosephWJosephW Veteran
    edited October 2012

    but hey, you all choose where you live.

    @ThailandTom

    Psshh, not me, I couldn't get out of here anytime soon if I tried my hardest... I see you as a very wise guy and agree with just about everything you say, I am sure this was just a bad choice of words... I would love to get out of here and move to the U.K. or Canada, but frankly, I am just not able to and don't have the means to do so... And this is not because I want to be re located for the hell of it or a change in scenery, but because I can't even get health insurance in my country of birth because of a pre-existing condition and so I pay hundreds and hundreds of dollars a month for medicine that I literally have to have or else I die... I sir, do not choose where I live brother...

    music
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    music said:




    Good point, cupcake.

    @music - don't call me cupcake. Show some respect, thanks.
  • federica said:

    music said:



    Good point, cupcake.

    @music - don't call me cupcake. Show some respect, thanks.
    Understood. Sorry. I didn't think you'd take it seriously.
  • ThailandTomThailandTom Veteran
    edited October 2012
    JosephW said:

    but hey, you all choose where you live.

    @ThailandTom

    Psshh, not me, I couldn't get out of here anytime soon if I tried my hardest... I see you as a very wise guy and agree with just about everything you say, I am sure this was just a bad choice of words... I would love to get out of here and move to the U.K. or Canada, but frankly, I am just not able to and don't have the means to do so... And this is not because I want to be re located for the hell of it or a change in scenery, but because I can't even get health insurance in my country of birth because of a pre-existing condition and so I pay hundreds and hundreds of dollars a month for medicine that I literally have to have or else I die... I sir, do not choose where I live brother...

    That is harsh and I hope you get a door that opens up to you at some point of some sort. I basically used the last of my university loan and grant to get my ass out of the west and even drew out some of it in Thailand haha. Was it wrong to do, morally a little yea, but in the grand scheme of things no, not IMO and I do not regret it whatsoever.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    music said:

    federica said:

    music said:



    Good point, cupcake.

    @music - don't call me cupcake. Show some respect, thanks.
    Understood. Sorry. I didn't think you'd take it seriously.
    This is about overstepping boundaries, not, taking anything seriously.
    I've been around a long time. I wouldn't dare disrespect members on here, even ones I've known for a long time. It's about Right/Wrong Speech, and being Mindful.

    That's all.


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