Howdy, Stranger!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Examples: Monday, today, last week, Mar 26, 3/26/04
Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.

How to stay peaceful in an "egoic" environment?

MateeahMateeah Explorer
edited May 2013 in General Banter
When people around are deeply in the trance of the separate self, hanging on to addictions and suffering and all this, how do you stay true to your true self? I find when I'm around this energy it is very hard for me to stay peaceful; for some reason I am very sensitive to this, I imagine it will change as I get more practice. Does anyone have any tips? Thank you in advance!

Comments

  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    Let them be as they are?
  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator
    I practice. The more I meditate and study and truly work to practice what I am learning in every day situations, the better it gets. Sometimes, people are so toxic that I feel I have no choice but to remove them from my life to whatever degree is possible. Sometimes, they are family and I distance myself as much as I can, and surround myself more with people who are more in line with my beliefs and way of living. I don't mean that I just get rid of anyone who isn't like me. But people who live a life that consistently works against everything I am working for, yes, I limit my exposure to them as much as I possibly can.
    BeejlobsterMigyur
  • BeejBeej Human Being Veteran
    I just watched a youtuber on this one. It was described as "checking". Basically, the reason that you feel this disrupt your "peace" is because you have some element of this observed emotion somewhere in you too. Be it anger, lust, jealousy, etc..... you are essentially having a strong aversion to your own emotions, because if you were free of the pent up emotion, other people's behavior wouldnt effect you so much. The zen speaker used the harmonic pitch analogy: if you have two acoustic guitars sitting next to each other and you pluck the "e" string on one guitar, the other "e" on the other guitar will vibrate a little, in sympathy, kind of. The solution? Practice, practice, practice? IDK!

    Sorry i didnt just post the video, though- my device limits the amount of awesomeness i can dump onto this site! :)
    sovalobsterChe
  • personperson Don't believe everything you think The liminal space Veteran
    I do my best to avoid them altogether as I tend to soak up whatever the energy of the environment is.

    That isn't always possible and isn't in your case judging by your post. If I don't have to engage directly much I will put on my mp3 player and listen to some Dharma teachings or something else I find interesting.

    I found that as my practice gets more solid I can stay true to my self even when my emotions get amped up. Mostly though I just need time alone at the end of the day to clear the energy away and settle myself down.
  • personperson Don't believe everything you think The liminal space Veteran
    edited May 2013
    There is some newer scientific research that says that a cure for getting burnt out from being an empathic person is to develop greater compassion. If you can do so then instead of resonating with these environments and behavior they give rise to a feeling of warmth and concern.

    I have yet to find out for myself if this works or not.
    lobsterMigyur
  • Step back and look- at them and at yourself.
    Che
  • sovasova delocalized fractyllic harmonizing Veteran
    Sometimes at work when the environment goes a little sour, or when people start talking or debating about things that really have no bearing on the general well-good-atmosphere I like to ask silly questions or make a joke. Also, you might be surprised how much a kind smile can shift the flow of a crowd. A giggle or a grin can make a tired crowd with a crying baby a festive party of love and cheer !


    One strategy a lady taught me recently is to actually compliment people when they are caught in mean-ness. Sounds strange, but if someone is saying something rude or being really possessive you can just say you're very kind or very nice. She said usually people are so dumbstruck they don't know how to respond. I have yet to try this technique, but maybe it can have good results?

    Above all, don't take it personally. Which can mean a lot, but if you think about it I think it can become clear that people have their own life situations / enculturation / background and when you interact it's like cross-checking this current experience with all the past memories, trying to come to a course of action. Of course, if you can remain attentive to the body and the mind without grasping or evaluating or judging what is happening, then you may find that whatever was uncomfortable got burnt up in the brightness of awareness. Of course, you can't just think "awareness" -- you gotta practice, and just pick it up where it lay. Noticing your inattention is the best way. That is the simple, straightforward way to "enter" the present, again and again, until there is no more residue.

    You can maybe watch yourself through some deeply habituated tasks. Maybe like when you brush your teeth or if you always hold your phone with your right hand, or if you get out of bed the same way every day. Make an effort to be extra attentive while doing these things, burn up entirely in the action itself, really just become the sounds / sights / feelings / thoughts .. realizing that being the moment is in itself the cure to wanting to escape the moment. Comes with practice. Simple things you do, take a mental step back and watch, listen, feel.


    Another good tactic that can work more quickly in the case of interpersonal relationships is to think about the equality of yourself and the person with whom there is tension. If you were in their exact circumstances, with their exact history and knowledge, the actions would be the same. So right there is your seed for compassion. Trade places for a minute and consider how you might react.


    There is a really wonderful book by the Dalai Lama called Stages of Meditation. I highly recommend it. It is one of those life changers.


    Best luck, friend!
    BeejlobsterKundo
  • I second the advice to avoid them.
  • cptshrkcptshrk Explorer
    I remind myself I once was, currently am, will be ignorant about how to "best" treat myself and others.
    Kundo
  • MigyurMigyur Norway N 69,23 E 18,23 Explorer
    @lobster the way you can Insightful and funny is simply awesom
    sovaKundo
  • seeker242seeker242 Zen Florida, USA Veteran
    edited May 2013
    Metta cultivation makes you immune to negative energy because it transforms their negative ego energy into compassion. But of course the strength of your metta must equal or exceed the strength of their negativity in order for there to be complete immunity. Strong metta allows you to be peaceful in an "egoic" environment. :) And of course, metta is something that is practiced and becomes stronger with practice.
    person
  • Wisdom23Wisdom23 Veteran
    I know i am quite an odd person lol i am unique and i feel i wouldn't be me if i joined the egotistical rat race trying to be the same as everyone else. I usually use my wit and humour to laugh at how rediculous the ego is.
  • lobsterlobster Veteran
    Migyur said:

    @lobster the way you can Insightful and funny is simply awesom

    Don't forget my humility. Anyone would be proud to be so humble . . .
    :rolleyes:
    personsovaChe
  • sovasova delocalized fractyllic harmonizing Veteran
    @lobster
    I want a Lobsterian Jedi shirt... or maybe I can just get a happy saber and beat the happiness into people :D?

    Really like that Lobsterian Jedi psy shield. Thank you for that.
  • taiyakitaiyaki Veteran
    Learn to step over yourself. Give space to yourself and others.

    Your reactions are your teacher. Examine and do not react. Learn to respond.

    It really helps to holder a higher point of view. Such as people are suffering because of conditions. Environment, society, culture, habitual patterns. Notice all of this and don't take it personal. Its not about you, its samsaric vision.

    Let it really touch your heart in a deep way. Make yourself sad and then you'll respond with kindness. The image we have usually is how could these people act the way they do? Don't they see that they are causing suffering for themselves and others?

    They don't. And dealing with sentient beings is tough because now you see them. You have a bit of peace and your practice is good but now you see other people. And you see them better and more clearer than they see themselves. Their suffering is overwhelming and it can overwhelm you if you don't see the groundlessness of the situation (you and person and situation). But if you can work with giving space and managing your reactions (learning to respond) then you can open your heart and join the ranks of the bodhisattvas.

    It really is sad. And we may want our peace. But at a certain point of our path peace isn't enough. We need to move past our liberation and focus completely on other people. And this isn't forced, it just is a natural progression of how the heart aperture opens and only desires to benefit others. And this means we have to say yes and no to people unconditionally.

    And it sucks. Its torment, painful. A 24/hour job.

    But that is the only progression after a certain point in our practice. To live in this world with everything wide open. To be in a burning house with a grin.

    Good luck.
    sovalobsterInvincible_summerKundo
  • CheChe Veteran
    "Mi worga sai labba jumba enarca poramb Lobster goooood"
    Jabba The Hut :D
    sova
  • NevermindNevermind Bitter & Hateful Veteran
    How to stay peaceful in an "egoic" environment?
    Keep your mouth shut?
    lobster
  • footiamfootiam Veteran
    Mateeah said:

    When people around are deeply in the trance of the separate self, hanging on to addictions and suffering and all this, how do you stay true to your true self? I find when I'm around this energy it is very hard for me to stay peaceful; for some reason I am very sensitive to this, I imagine it will change as I get more practice. Does anyone have any tips? Thank you in advance!

    Be egoless. Then, you'll be like the lotus that grows up from the mud.
Sign In or Register to comment.