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Buddhist Extremist Cell Vows To Unleash Tranquility On West

The Onion does it again.. The only Blemish on this joke is the actual Buddhist terrorism going on in Burma incited by the so called monk Wirathu.


http://www.theonion.com/articles/buddhist-extremist-cell-vows-to-unleash-tranquilit,34623/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1:Default

"“In the name of the Great Teacher, we will stop at nothing to unleash a firestorm of empathy, compassion, and true selflessness upon the West,” said Rinpoche, adding that all enemies of a freely flowing, unfettered state of mind will be “besieged with pure, everlasting happiness.” “No city will be spared from spiritual harmony. We will bring about the end to all Western pain and anxiety, to all destructive cravings, to all greed, delusion, and misplaced desire. Indeed, we will bring the entire United States to its knees in deep meditation.”

“Wisdom and virtue to America!” continued Rinpoche. “Wisdom and virtue to all living things on earth!”

According to reports, Rinpoche stressed throughout his address that Kammaṭṭhāna soldiers would continue waging a tireless holy war on Western feelings of emptiness and negativity for as long as necessary, noting that “a jug fills drop by drop” and that “it is better to travel well than to arrive.”

The extremist leader specifically criticized the United States for its “blatant disregard of karmic balance within the universe” and ominously claimed that Americans will “one day soon” experience the highest form of metaphysical equilibrium through a union of both body and mind. Rinpoche also said all Western nations would “pay a heavy price in negative thinking and self-doubt” if they do not immediately engage in serious introspection and true spiritual liberation.

Sources confirmed the video then featured an uninterrupted 19-minute clip of water quietly flowing between rocks in a small forest creek.
"

matthewmartinriverflowHamsakalobsterInvincible_summersovaJohnGVastmindDharmaMcBummsac123karastipersonKundoCinorjerBuddhadragon

Comments

  • Ahh the Onion. Almost always gives me something to laugh about..
    sova
  • HamsakaHamsaka goosewhisperer Polishing the 'just so' Veteran
    OMG LOLOLOL. Fantastic.
    sova
  • BhikkhuJayasaraBhikkhuJayasara Bhikkhu Veteran
    edited November 2013
    the ONLY thing that would of made the video better was if they had a monk speaking in Thai language and had sub titles.. like what south park did in this clip. I would of lost it then.

    http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/103670/cartoon-jihad
    sovaKundo
  • Invincible_summerInvincible_summer Heavy Metal Dhamma We(s)t coast, Canada Veteran
    I read this earlier and wanted to rush over to NB and post it... glad I'm not the only one who saw it and found it hilarious!
    sova
  • ChazChaz The Remarkable Chaz Anywhere, Everywhere & Nowhere Veteran
    Maybe the government will start apprehending these extremists and send them to Gitmo - make it a big, government-run retreat center.

    sova
  • please unleash the firestorm!!!!!!!! we are ready.
    sovariverflow
  • anatamananataman Who needs a title? Where am I? Veteran
    Sadly no one I know will really get it!
    sova
  • sovasova delocalized fractyllic harmonizing Veteran
    miraculous
  • anatamananataman Who needs a title? Where am I? Veteran
    Although I was a little fearful of the effects of such an outright attack when the first waves really hit me this weekend: I felt tranquil, despite having the in-laws over for the whole weekend, and despite their onslaught on me and my family, my tolerance and love was renewed for them and my wife. Where is the nearest training camp, I want to become a buddhist freedom fighter - long live freedom, peace and compassion.

    image
    Zenshinlobsterperson
  • All of us will die in this cause. Die laughing.
    Many ways to peel an onion. Many ways to josh a dharma, adjest [sic] a sangha or smile at our likeness of Buddha.
    :clap:
    Kundo
  • Homeland security is hot on the heels for these terrorists!
  • msac123msac123 Explorer

    "“In the name of the Great Teacher, we will stop at nothing to unleash a firestorm of empathy, compassion, and true selflessness upon the West,” said Rinpoche, adding that all enemies of a freely flowing, unfettered state of mind will be “besieged with pure, everlasting happiness.” “No city will be spared from spiritual harmony. We will bring about the end to all Western pain and anxiety, to all destructive cravings, to all greed, delusion, and misplaced desire. Indeed, we will bring the entire United States to its knees in deep meditation.”

    LOL. Yes, come to America and unleash your firestorm of empathy, compassion, peace, and spiritual harmony.

    Why not? That sounds like paradise. :D

  • Aspiring_BuddhistAspiring_Buddhist Seeker of the Buddha Within WA Veteran

    Ya know...a Buddha Jihad sounds really cool. Just...it'd make a great band name!

    Kundo
  • Aspiring_BuddhistAspiring_Buddhist Seeker of the Buddha Within WA Veteran

    "Up Next on KISS FM - "Right Livelihood" by BUDDHA JIHAD!!"

    BhikkhuJayasara
  • BhikkhuJayasaraBhikkhuJayasara Bhikkhu Veteran

    Yes, i will soon begin my jihadist training somewhere in the woods of this country so that in the near future i will bring the full might of boundless friendliness upon the unbelievers! Buddha is good!

  • Aspiring_BuddhistAspiring_Buddhist Seeker of the Buddha Within WA Veteran

    Hmm...Monks of Shaolin Temple Kung-fu-ing everyone into happiness!

  • anatamananataman Who needs a title? Where am I? Veteran

    @Aspiring_Buddhist said:
    "Up Next on KISS FM - "Right Livelihood" by BUDDHA JIHAD!!"

    A buddhist Jihad is a contradiction in terms.

  • Aspiring_BuddhistAspiring_Buddhist Seeker of the Buddha Within WA Veteran

    Yes it is...tis supposed to be a joke, given the first post in this thread. ( I think I'm using "thread" correctly...)

  • anatamananataman Who needs a title? Where am I? Veteran

    @Aspiring_Buddhist said:
    Yes it is...tis supposed to be a joke, given the first post in this thread. ( I think I'm using "thread" correctly...)

    I got it - my sense of humour can be a little dry, even wry at times. The OP is a light-hearted serious joke... lol.

  • Aspiring_BuddhistAspiring_Buddhist Seeker of the Buddha Within WA Veteran

    @anataman Ah - my bad. Its all too easy to be interpreted as "deadpan" on the internet.

  • anatamananataman Who needs a title? Where am I? Veteran

    Whats a dead pan got to do with it?

    Aspiring_BuddhistKundo
  • Aspiring_BuddhistAspiring_Buddhist Seeker of the Buddha Within WA Veteran

    I got that one!

    anataman
  • personperson Don't believe everything you think The liminal space Veteran

    Someone has to say it but we brought this on ourselves. Its blowback for all the overt charitable operations we've done to other countries.

  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    @Aspiring_Buddhist said:
    "Up Next on KISS FM - "Right Livelihood" by BUDDHA JIHAD!!"

    There's a NZ band I really like called "Shihad" (pronounced She-had).

    They tried to crack the US market just after 9/11 and were (rightly or wrongly) advised to change their name or they wouldn't get any airplay. They changed it to Pacifier.

    After limited success Stateside, a few years later they saw the error of their ways and went back to Shihad.

  • @Bunks said:
    After limited success Stateside, a few years later they saw the error of their ways and went back to Shihad.

    Is this also from the article, lol.

  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    @betaboy said:
    Is this also from the article, lol.

    Na mate - it's fair dinkum!!
    ;)

    Kundo
  • KundoKundo Sydney, Australia Veteran

    @Aspiring_Buddhist said:
    Hmm...Monks of Shaolin Temple Kung-fu-ing everyone into happiness!

    Everybody was kung fu fighting..........

    Jeffrey
  • Aspiring_BuddhistAspiring_Buddhist Seeker of the Buddha Within WA Veteran

    @dhammachick said:
    Everybody was kung fu fighting..........

    Those cats were fast as lightning.....in fact it was a little bit frightening....but they had expert timing...

    I do so love Disco.

    JeffreyKundo
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited March 2014

    Original Kung fu fighting

    Aspiring_BuddhistKundoanataman
  • Aspiring_BuddhistAspiring_Buddhist Seeker of the Buddha Within WA Veteran

    @Jeffrey You Rock!

    Jeffrey
  • Break, dance, time . . .

    something for the 'slow' tai chi generation

  • @Chaz said:
    Maybe the government will start apprehending these extremists and send them to Gitmo - make it a big, government-run retreat center.

    Pres: "So was operation Roundup a success?"

    General: "Yes, sir, we rounded up about a dozen of the top Buddhist Terrorists and stuck them in Gitmo. But we have a problem."

    Pres: "Can't find the rest of them? They went into hiding?"

    General: "No sir, the opposite. The monks love the peace and quiet and chance to meditate. When the other Terrorist Monks heard about it, they surrendered and demanded to be taken to, quote, "That wonderful retreat" as well. We ran out of room."

    anatamanlobster
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