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I suffer from extreme anxiety and I've also been diagnosed with depression. During most of the day I have to consciously try to distance myself from the terrible daydreams I have. Most of these daydreams involve me or a loved one being mistreated, but some of them are about me accidentally or intentionally severely hurting someone. Anyway, during these daydreams I feel nothing but despair and I have to try hard not to make plans to commit suicide.
I recently bought an Acceptance & Commitment Therapy workbook, which is helping me distance myself from the emotional pain. Also, I recently became a Buddhist and I'm actively trying to follow the Eightfold path to eradicate my suffering. But I still have one question: Why live at all? All day long, my mind shows me the terrible things that could happen to me or my loved ones. Why not just kill myself now and spare myself the pain? Suffering is a part of life for everyone and according to Buddhism, you have to take measures to eradicate suffering. Why bother living if you have to actively try not to suffer?
I'm sorry for the depressing post. I hope you guys can help me.