Howdy, Stranger!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Examples: Monday, today, last week, Mar 26, 3/26/04
Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.

Winter joke thread

2

Comments

  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator
    edited December 2014

    -35F windchills are typical for us, we actually get actual (non-windchill) temps down into the -40s and sometimes even the -50s. Though that is pretty rare. @Tosh I live in northeast Minnesota, about 10 miles from the Canadian border. Last winter we spent more days below zero than above, including several weeks in a row where we never got above zero during the day at all. It was a miserable winter! This December has been mostly mild, we have had rain 2 weekends in a row and are on the verge of an almost not-white Christmas which is unheard of.

    Tosh
  • NirvanaNirvana aka BUBBA   `     `   South Carolina, USA Veteran

    Wot's all this stuff about ungodly Cold doing on a Jokes thread? Temps down into the minus 40s and 50s are simply NOT funny! Neither are the heating bills.

  • rohitrohit Maharrashtra Veteran

    Science Joke

    In world's scientist Organization meeting.
    The all main scientist from every country were gathered,after finishing meeting.

    The scientist from India,China and USA came together to have conversation.
    suddenly Chinese scientist started ranting that they had televisions before 400 yrs.
    so both scientist from India and USA asked with jealous,"How can you prove this?"

    Chinese scientist invites both of them to china,they start digging soil after 50 feet inside they found cable of TV set and antenna.and they agree with Chinese.

    Then scientist of USA says,we also had telephone before,to prove that they all go to USA and dig the soil and found telephone cable.

    Now Indian scientist start feeling embraced that what should i tell about this.
    He says both of them,"this is nothing we had several technologies before 500yrs ago which are now rediscovering again".

    they all comes to India and start digging up soil,after 50 feet,they found nothing,after 100 feet they found nothing.and so on.After some time both of scientist from USA and china asked Indian scientist,"what happened!!".
    Indian scientist replies,"India had wireless technology".

    ToraldrisSarahTNirvanaVastmind
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @rohit - that was dreadful.

    • no, really, it was....! :D
    silverNirvanarohit
  • personperson Don't believe everything you think The liminal space Veteran

    This one has been posted at NB before but there's plenty of newer people since then.

    Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

    Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

    "First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

    Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

    Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:
    1.If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
    2.If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

    So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."

    The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.

    rohitNirvanaVastmindJeffrey
  • VastmindVastmind Memphis, TN Veteran

    ^^^ I have always loved that cartoon!!! hahahaha

  • OMG @Shoshin I almost peed on myself laughing at the cartoon.

    mmo
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    That used to be my banner on FB.... Of course, I have grown much more mature since then.... :D

    Nerimalobstermmo
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    he ain't de only wonnn.....

  • SarahTSarahT Time ... space ... joy South Coast, UK Veteran

    @federica said:
    That used to be my banner on FB.... Of course, I have grown much more mature since then.... :D

    Boo! Inner childishness is quite essential:

    NirvanaZenni
  • RhodianRhodian Loser Veteran
    edited December 2014

    One does not easily joke about winter, I can remember when I was young. I would always feel sorry for the snowman that stood outside all alone watching me.... So whenever I saw a lonely snowman I'd make another one! But soon they would melt and yeah....

    Winter is probably the best showcase of impermanence. Even the trees look depressed.

    Also if I do not post anymore after tomorrow it will snow here but I made an apointment to buy a buddha statue, so that is gonna be a pain.

    rohit
  • VastmindVastmind Memphis, TN Veteran

    I'm not sure what your intention was there by making sure everyone knew the black guy in the joke....or your explanation of 'bubba'....but just to make sure there is enough reference to why this might be offensive or that it means a hell of alot more than you implied......I just wanna add....

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bubba

    FWIW....sometimes I think you poke with a hot stick on purpose....not sure why....but it helps keep me on my game. I really have to think/consider things when responding to you or not and how/why. so....it is what it is....

    @NIrvana

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    You know, I began reading and thought to myself...."I'm a bit offended by this.... I'm sure others will be too...."

    I'm leaving it up as an indication of why, sometimes, even if we mean well, our speech is just plain goddamn unskilful....

    SarahT
  • BarraBarra soto zennie wandering in a cloud in beautiful, bucolic Victoria BC, on the wacky left coast of Canada Veteran

    Bubba was black? There is nothing in the joke that implies he was black. There are lots of white Bubbas in the US.

    silverSarahTdantepw
  • RhodianRhodian Loser Veteran

    @Vastmind‌ > @federica said:

    You know, I began reading and thought to myself...."I'm a bit offended by this.... I'm sure others will be too...."

    I'm leaving it up as an indication of why, sometimes, even if we mean well, our speech is just plain goddamn unskilful....

    @Barra said:
    Bubba was black? There is nothing in the joke that implies he was black. There are lots of white Bubbas in the US.

    This movie is to blame!

    silver
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    I think we can leave the subject now, ok?

  • NirvanaNirvana aka BUBBA   `     `   South Carolina, USA Veteran

    ^ (smile) SWEET!

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran
  • ToraldrisToraldris   -`-,-{@     Zen Nud... Buddhist     @}-,-`-   East Coast, USA Veteran

    @Shoshin That made me think if Napoleon Dynamite getting into meditation. "I'm so freakin' enlightened, sweet!"

    Shoshin
  • There was once a philosophy don who had had little social life. One day he had to attend a conference and wondered what would happen if he was expected to talk to a woman.
    He asked a friend what he should do.
    ‘No problem,’ said the friend. ‘Women are interested in two things: families and dieting. Mention one or the other and you can have a reasonable conversation.’
    So the academic went to the conference and, when the time came when he found himself obliged to talk to a woman, he felt adequately prepared.
    ‘How is your brother?’ he asked, sure that the family aspect was bound to start the conversation correctly.
    The woman looked at him oddly. ‘I haven’t got a brother,’ she said.
    ‘Well,’ thought the scholar, ‘there is still the second subject.’ He asked, ‘What
    do you think of turnips?’
    The woman said, edging away from him, ‘I do not like them at all.’
    The don was not a man of the brain for nothing, and he was now sure that, with
    his philosophical training, he could initiate a really good conversation on the basis of what had gone before.
    ‘Tell me,’ he enquired, ‘If you did have a brother, would you like turnips?’
    

    http://www.lightwinnipeg.org/Spiritual%20Writings/The%20Humour%20and%20Wisdom%20of%20Mulla%20Nasrudin.pdf

    Shoshin
  • SarahTSarahT Time ... space ... joy South Coast, UK Veteran

    ^^^ lol's not enough for that one. Definitely rofl

  • NirvanaNirvana aka BUBBA   `     `   South Carolina, USA Veteran
    edited December 2014

    Sorry, at Lobster, that joke reminded me too much of Benedict Cumberbatch's character in a movie I saw today: The Imitation Game: Alan [sp] Turing. Interesting, yes; funny, NO!

  • silversilver In the beginning there was nothing, and then it exploded. USA, Left coast. Veteran

    Hey @lobster man, you're getting opinions from all angles: I thought it was sorta lame!
    :p

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    I thought it was cerebrally hilarious!

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran
  • silversilver In the beginning there was nothing, and then it exploded. USA, Left coast. Veteran

    @federica said:
    I thought it was cerebrally hilarious!

    >

    Ah! That explains my reaction. :smirk:

  • VastmindVastmind Memphis, TN Veteran
  • VastmindVastmind Memphis, TN Veteran
  • Buddhist Joke

    The buddhist monk approached a hotdog food truck. What did he ask for?

    .
    .
    .

    - Make me one with everything.
  • DavidDavid A human residing in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. Ancestral territory of the Erie, Haudenosaunee, Huron-Wendat, Mississauga and Neutral First Nations Veteran
    Two drunks walked into a bar... Hurt themselves quite badly.

    Oh, wrong thread.
    VastmindSarahT
  • VastmindVastmind Memphis, TN Veteran

    How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A tree in a golden forest.

    Jeffrey
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @dantepw said:
    Buddhist Joke

    The buddhist monk approached a hotdog food truck. What did he ask for
    - Make me one with everything.

    You see, this is the problem with Kamma; unless you create a different ending, you are destined to hear the same joke, again, and again, and again....

    :lol:

    Can anyone find or invent a new and amusing twist to this....?

    (And not the "What about my change?" "Change comes from within" one....)

Sign In or Register to comment.