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Loneliness as a good thing

Comments

  • There is a difference between isolation, retreat, being solitary and loneliness.

    People who seek fulfilment from others are not addressing the central Buddhist insight. Befriend yourself.

    Do you feel alone or lonely in meditation? <3

    personHamsakaRowan1980Vanilli
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    edited January 2015

    A little loneliness can go a long ways.

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @vinlyn said:
    A little loneliness can go along ways.

    >

    Yes, and it can lead to a door marked 'despair'.

    lobster
  • HamsakaHamsaka goosewhisperer Polishing the 'just so' Veteran

    I feel 'complete' in my unpaired up state, and don't remember every feeling lonely in a chronic way. When my very close female friend died from cancer, after living with me and the kids for the last three years of her life, I think THEN I felt something huge was missing, it felt like a hole, but it had her shape to it. It wasn't something I could 'fix' by inserting someone, anyone.

    When I ended my marriage, being alone again was such a relief I don't think I felt lonely then. I lived in a very rural area and on a farm, so that I never saw other humans for days on end. Now THAT made me feel a little bit crazy, if I went five or so days without seeing another human being in the flesh. I'd feel anxious and depressed for no apparent reason, and then I'd go to the store for groceries and come home feeling WONDERFUL for no apparent reason, until I figured out I was suffering from lack of basic human contact. Just talking to a clerk was enough to 'ease' me, but it took me a while to figure it out.

    lobstersilvermmo
  • I don't mind being alone, I find solace in it often. Loneliness, as pointed out, is an emotional state that has little to do with physical proximity to others. I am perfectly capable of that feeling when I am with other people, if I don't feel a "connection" with them.

    When I meditate, I don't feel alone, when I can bring myself to mindful awareness, I don't feel alone. Even if I am in a crowded place and the other people there don't acknowledge my existence, I have nothing but compassion for them.

    In my own way, I look at the emotion for what it is. A craving. A craving for fellowship, community, communication. I think I liked this article because it reminded me that this craving is really a form of compassion in itself. Letting go of the attachment to the need for fellowship is wise, of course, but acknowledging the source of it is helpful to me.
    lobstermmo
  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran

    I remember reading somewhere that the Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki once confided to the Tibetan teacher Chogyam Trungpa, his good friend, that he sometimes felt lonely when plying his Buddhist trade.

    When I read it, I was surprised or perhaps even flabbergasted: How could what I imagined was an accomplished teacher ever feel such a mundane and 'unenlightened' (more imagination) thing? It brought me up short. And then it occurred to me that being brought up short indicated that I imagined Buddhist practice was aimed at somehow getting rid of all the stuff I considered unpleasant or bad... stuff like loneliness. The recognition was useful to me.

    These days, it's a little easier, perhaps. Sometimes loneliness sucks and, like @Hamsaka, I feel wonderfully lighter after talking with a WalMart clerk. And sometimes being alone is just fine. Putting a cookie-cutter generalization around the topic -- heaping on observations from a Buddhist point of view, for example -- takes more energy, and offers less result, than it's worth.

    Sometimes, things suck. Is that news? Sometimes they're smooth and fine. Is that news? Sometimes yes, sometimes no, but pretending either is something it is not takes too much energy for too little fruitful payback.

    Just old-fart noodling.

    JeffreySarahT
  • rohitrohit Maharrashtra Veteran
    edited January 2015

    There are some persons who are not pure at heart end but feeling lonely in crowd or numerous relative around...
    If you are pure or truthful then there would be someone with you at least your pure heart will never let you feel you alone.

    There would be feeling like a hell to live in between back stabbing friends and relatives....It would be much better to live alone than in bad and frustrating company.

    Jeffrey
  • nakazcidnakazcid Somewhere in Dixie, y'all Veteran

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the point of a sangha to have spiritual friends to help you along the way? And if you have some like-minded friends, presumably you won't be quite so lonely.

  • DairyLamaDairyLama Veteran Veteran
    edited January 2015

    @nakazcid said:
    Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the point of a sangha to have spiritual friends to help you along the way? And if you have some like-minded friends, presumably you won't be quite so lonely.

    Yes, that's certainly the case. Though I don't think there's any substitute for face-to-face contact with other Buddhists.

  • DairyLamaDairyLama Veteran Veteran

    @rohit said:
    There would be feeling like a hell to live in between back stabbing friends and relatives....It would be much better to live alone than in bad and frustrating company.

    I agree with you, though I think there are people who take the view that any company is better than none.

  • DairyLamaDairyLama Veteran Veteran

    @federica said:Yes, and it can lead to a door marked 'despair'.

    Yes, it can. And I think there's a big difference between choosing to be alone and having it forced on you by circumstances.

    federica
  • @nakazcid said:
    Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the point of a sangha to have spiritual friends to help you along the way? And if you have some like-minded friends, presumably you won't be quite so lonely.

    Finding like minded friends is somewhat challenging, at times, it my experience.

  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran

    @federica said:
    Yes, and it can lead to a door marked 'despair'.

    Exactly. And, btw, I just noticed in my post that I wrote "along" instead of "a long". I should proof read more!

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited January 2015

    :+1:

  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran

    @nakazcid said:
    Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the point of a sangha to have spiritual friends to help you along the way? And if you have some like-minded friends, presumably you won't be quite so lonely.

    Friends are wonderful and sometimes supportive, but is there anyone who can know what it is to breathe in and breathe out or feel the fiery knees after hours of meditation or experience your love? Helpful friends are wonderful, but aren't we all traveling in a land where no help is possible and everything simply helps?

    Yes, let's all lend a hand AND let's not get bamboozled.

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    When being mindful one is never lonely !

    Loneliness comes from being mind "full" ...

    mmo
  • DairyLamaDairyLama Veteran Veteran
    edited February 2015

    @Shoshin said:
    When being mindful one is never lonely !

    I'm not sure that's true. Mindfulness would presumably make one more aware of the feelings of loneliness.

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran
    edited February 2015

    @SpinyNorman,

    I've lived alone for many years(I like to see it as a form of a long term retreat) and for the first year or so loneliness was a constant companion, however the more I practiced mindfulness the less I felt lonely...(Also Metta and Tonglin helped)

    Through mindfulness one will eventually find that the so called self to be just a constant state of flux...

    The second noble truth the cause of Dukkha ie "attachment" "clinging" to thoughts feelings etc etc .... Therein lies the nuts & bolts of "loneliness"

    So the more one can practice mindfulness the easier it will becomes to just let go...

    mmo
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    @SpinyNorman,

    I'm reminded of Bodhidharma :

    The most essential method which includes all other method is beholding the mind-The mind is the root from which "all things" grow-If you can understand the mind-Everything else is included ! (including loneliness) :)

    mmoEarthninja
  • DairyLamaDairyLama Veteran Veteran

    @Shoshin said:
    So the more one can practice mindfulness the easier it will becomes to just let go...

    I think you're right, I was suggesting that mindfulness by itself isn't enough.

  • EarthninjaEarthninja Wanderer West Australia Veteran
    I value my time alone, I haven't really lived alone ever so maybe that's why?

    But I avoid most parties and social gatherings to be by myself. Not lonely. Just being alone has no expectations. :)

    It's really hard to meditate and contemplate reality with people around. Even just talking is quiet a distraction.

    Those of you who live alone! Your lucky as far as practice goes! :)
  • These days, it's a little easier, perhaps. Sometimes loneliness sucks and, like @Hamsaka, I feel wonderfully lighter after talking with a WalMart clerk. And sometimes being alone is just fine. Putting a cookie-cutter generalization around the topic -- heaping on observations from a Buddhist point of view, for example -- takes more energy, and offers less result, than it's worth.

    =) Exactly so.

    I feel [insert Dukkha/arising of choice] . . . that is real. Many dharma junkies, full time practitioners, deluded beginners like myself etc, are full of unresolved emotional arisings. Some of us are so stifled, stuffed and repressed we hardly know what is going on . . . Some who seem so free are so alone

    Oh the humanity

    What is a gal to do? Time for a musical interlude?

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    (....Why on earth they ever raised a statue to her is beyond me.... next thing we know Charles Manson will have a monument dedicated 'to a greatly misunderstood genius'.... :surprised::scream: )

    vinlyn
  • @federica said:
    (....Why on earth they ever raised a statue to her is beyond me....

    Might have something to do with her singing voice . . . not her personal life, other great female jazz singers were very similar, Billie Holliday for example . . . B)

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Not good enough.
    I don't see any monuments to Maria Callas, Ella Fitzgerald, Barbra Streisand....

    She was a mess. And perhaps her retreat into a world of drugs, alcohol and other substances, may be an indication of her inner torment, loneliness and emotional isolation, and that is ultimately tragic. But she wouldn't be helped, and sometimes, we are our own worst enemies, and will destroy ourselves, no matter what the good intentions of others may be.

    But a statue...?

  • DairyLamaDairyLama Veteran Veteran

    @Earthninja said:
    Those of you who live alone! Your lucky as far as practice goes!

    Yes, living alone does make it easier to focus on practice. Though I think it's sometimes one of those situations where the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

    EarthninjaSarahT
  • @federica said:
    Not good enough.

    Sorry. o:)

    The Buddha never wanted a statue and looked what happened . . .

    . . . meanwhile . . .

    SarahT
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Oh Cool! I've never been more delighted to have been mistaken! Gimme Ella any day though....!

    SarahT
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