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parenting silly

genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran

Passed along in email:

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silverhowNirvanaVictoriousRowan1980ShoshinlobsterrohitBunksdantepwNichyCinorjerJamieG

Comments

  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    edited March 2015

    Is that funny? Teaching a child that she's a burden and an annoyance to her parents? I suppose it's one way to teach a kid to stop pestering the parents, but there are other ways to do that that aren't harsh or mean.

    lobster
  • NirvanaNirvana aka BUBBA   `     `   South Carolina, USA Veteran

    ^
    Gimme a break! It's just a cartoon about children being out of control and about both child and adult wanting some control...

    Harsh or mean would be a cartoon about people who always have to offer an opinion on everything...

    vinlyn
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran

    The situation could be used a a teachable moment, but is worth nothing if it is not explained to the child.

  • howhow Veteran Veteran
    edited April 2015

    @Dakini said:
    Is that funny? Teaching a child that she's a burden and an annoyance to her parents? I suppose it's one way to teach a kid to stop pestering the parents, but there are other ways to do that that aren't harsh or mean.

    @Dakini
    Obviously this has touched a nerve for you to worry that anyone is going to seriously take a humorous cartoon as parental advise. The cartoon is more about touching how all new parents feel at one time or the other, but are too politically polite to admit to.

    lobsterShoshinBunksfederica
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Dakini, tell me, do you have kids....?

    I suspect not.... ;)

    I howled with laughter when I watched Roseanne once, and this short dialogue took place...

    Roseanne "Dan! Have the kids all gone to school?"

    Dan "Yes, Honey, they left a half hour ago!"

    Roseanne "Good! Change the locks!"

    I clearly remember the studio audience going wild, and whooping in their applause.

    "Parenting.
    A 24/7/365 unpaid thankless task imposed upon the adult population, without pay, decent working conditions and no time off, ever, at all, not once, for 18 years, which ends up costing you a fortune which could easily have been spent more productively and satisfyingly elsewhere."

    And no, that's not MY definition. I read it on a parenting forum.

    Nichyboobysattva
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @how said:...The cartoon is more about touching how all new parents feel at one time or the other, but are too politically polite to admit to.

    Yes, the clue is in the word 'silly'.....

  • I am sorry it made you angry @Dakini but i believe it is not even real... :)
  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator

    I laughed at it :) Those kind of humorous releases keep parents sane. It doesn't matter how much you love and respect and honor your children. There are always days you want to run away and change your name, or as Roseanne said in fed's example, lock the doors, lol. It's a vastly rewarding job. But it's also immensely difficult and challenging, and it can at times feel quite daunting when you realize that it is a lifetime job, and then eventually they have children, and you help them to learn how to raise their children, too. It is the only job in the world I can think of that is never ending, that requires you to endlessly give of yourself even if you don't always have it to give. These silly things ease that just a bit and create a bit of community with other parents who feel the same.

    I was visiting with a friend last night, and we were talking about our teenagers and their attitudes. We both just sigh, and then laugh and are grateful for the shared experience of occasional misery.

    And yes, when explained, sometimes teaching a child exactly what they are doing is most valuable. Sometimes, it is the only way they learn. They are not always able to think themselves through putting themselves into someone else's position. So then you do it for them, and the lesson hits home. You don't like when someone interrupts you constantly? Nifty, don't do it to others. I have taught my kids the same lesson (thought not until they cried because it wasn't necessary). It's neat to watch their gears turning and then see the light come on when the land on the "OHHH. Yeah. OK. Now I get it. Now I see why it's so annoying every time I interrupt you when you are on the phone."

    federicavinlynlobster
  • I have been having an especially challenging time with my grown son. Parenting is really a thankless job sometimes. Its as if the child thinks it is the only thing you are required for - and this never stops. And then I tuned into a discourse on MN sutta no 60 which is about Rahula, son of the Buddha. I just dont know though how this sutta came along at this particular time but apparently Rahula, in Buddha's parlance, means bond(age). I have not had a minute to think this over but I think what it means it all children are our bonds with life and all bonds are bittersweet.
  • EarthninjaEarthninja Wanderer West Australia Veteran
    Hmm well I've got a baby on the way... Now I'm scared. ;) hahah
    BunksRowan1980lobster
  • VastmindVastmind Memphis, TN Veteran

    @Earthninja said:
    Hmm well I've got a baby on the way... Now I'm scared. hahah

    Congrats!!!!!

    You've got a minute....dont worry....at first, they're cute and smell good..and are the best
    Cuddlers... :)

  • NichyNichy Explorer

    @Earthninja congrats!!!! :)

  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator

    lol @Earthninja congratulations! It's a wonderous journey. One of the best. Nothing to be scared of. You deal with each thing as they come up. Just remember that the sleepless nights and the endless diapers and spitting up are the easy part ;) Parenting is probably the biggest constant reminder of impermanence in my life. If nothing else, kids are constantly changing, growing and learning and they remind you of how stagnant your life has become and how easy it is to change it.

  • NichyNichy Explorer

    This is from my favorite blog... very funny

    You Know You Have A Toddler When...

    1. You know you have a toddler when you hate your spouse a little. Toddlers can destroy your marriage if you let them. The stress of living in an insane asylum with a child who makes you want to fall on your own sword will take a toll on your personal relationship. People without a toddler of their own will not understand how someone so cute will make you want to be single and living in a studio apartment with only a bottle of Jose Cuervo to keep you company, but this is the truth. Do your best to not let your little cock block tear your love life apart. You don’t actually hate your spouse, it just feels like it because you hate life. Remember: You’re in a warzone. You need back up.

    2. You no longer fantasize about being rich, famous, beautiful, talented, or any of the above. Your fantasies center around sleep. You dream about being rested and floating away on a California King bed that you can lay in starfish formation in. Most people of think of sleep deprivation in terms of infants but toddlers have the potential to steal just as many Zs as their infant brethren. It’s a hard truth to swallow, but with a toddler you will be more physically and emotionally tired than you have ever been, while also dealing with levels of twilight shenanigans that will astonish you on a nightly basis. Infants don’t scream in your face. Infants don’t run in to traffic.

    3. You have become a shut in. Hopefully you have a backyard because other than work, you’re going to lose your will to leave the house. It just won’t be worth it anymore. Why deal with getting a toddler dressed, carseat drama, and a potential meltdown in public when you can just become a recluse? Groceries are available for purchase online.

    4. You’ve ever had to drag a kid out of a store under your arm like a bundle of firewood in front of a crowd of gawking strangers. Good for you. Angry whispering can only get you so far. Sometimes you have to show a kid that you mean business and abandon that cart of groceries. Don’t abandon the wine, though. That’s crazy. Pay for the wine.

    5. You regularly open packages of food in stores to keep your baboon quiet while you shop. Don’t worry; it’s not shoplifting until you forget to pay for it.

    6. You’ve ever had to alert a store employee to the fact that your kid has urinated on their floor. Hey, better a linoleum floor than a stack of neatly folded sweaters. Bonus points if your toddler has ever thrown up in public. On you. When you don’t have a change of clothes.

    7. You sometimes wish you had a time machine and a condom.

    8. You have stress-induced heart palpitations. No, your child is not trying to kill you but they might by accident.

    9. You’ve seriously considered starting a new life, alone, in a new city. If you do this, be sure to cut up your credit cards. They can track you.

    10. You have more gates up in your home that the local zoo.

    11. You know that sometimes “My phone is charging” is code for “I need you to lay off my shit and play with your own toys.”

    12. Your sex life has come to a standstill. Toddlers are natural birth control. Their antics will cause your sex organs to shrivel into your body and seal off.

    13. You’ve seriously researched sleep-away preschools and boarding school for two year-olds.

    14. You know more about the cast of Jake And The Never Land Pirates than your mom.

    15. Every one of your cabinets has some kind of lock on it.

    16. Bath time in your house looks like an episode of Wipeout.

    17. All four food groups can be found between your couch cushions.

    18. You’ve had to say “Stop eating out of the trash” in the last 24 hours.

    19. A small child has recently blown his or her nose into your shirt.

    20. You would give your molars for a free, reliable babysitter. Who needs to chew meat when you can go out for drinks anytime?

    karastiVastmindBunkslobster
  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator

    Some of these have not stopped even though my kids are 18, 12 and 6. Actually, I'm pretty sure the older kids put more food in the furniture than the younger...lol.

    Having all boys, I've found the ages of 8-13 to be the hardest. But I've also only had to wrangle one baby or toddler at a time. I don't know how the moms who have 2+ kids under the age of 4 manage. I'd lose my mind more than I already have! The pre-teen angst and entitlement is more than I can handle sometimes. My middle son is just coming out of it (hallelujah!!!) by my precious, loving, adorable, mom-worshipping 6 year old is about to enter it. That makes me sad because he's an absolute joy of a child and I don't want him to change into an angst-y "I'm still a baby but I want to act like an adult...except when you need me to be reliable or responsible, then I'm going to go back to being a baby" turdmuffin!

    My 18 year old, however, can move to college right NOW and that would be ok. I think they should graduate a year earlier and move out a year earlier, because this last year of high school has been a lot of hell, lol. He's a good kid, so I am grateful. He doesn't party or drive fast or get in trouble. But oh good gravy is he hard to live with. Thinks he's all independent now that he's an "adult" but can't manage to do anything for himself at the same time. Has no problem going to both Subway and Dairy Queen for lunch, but complains when he has to pay his phone bill. He'll ask over and over again for us to get a second dog. Then when we ask him to take our current dog out to go to the bathroom, he complains for like a half hour (and I'm not even exaggerating) about the trials of having a dog and how much he will never have a dog when HE can make the choice. Maddening, I tell you!

    Nichy
  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator

    haha!!! Assumptions are the worst!

    Last year, my middle son got in trouble for downloading something inappropriate onto his school ipad. For some reason, I immediately through it was porn even though he has no history of that kind of thing. I launched into this lecture about why porn is bad and why there are better ways to explore sex and so on. Finally he says "Mom. I downloaded a meme with a swearword on it. Why are you ranting about porn, sex and respecting women!!" Whoops.

    Nichy
  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran

    @earthninja -- CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You probably thought Buddhism was a real discipline but you are about to get a lesson in REAL discipline. :)<3

    And I hope everyone will forgive me, but as the father of three, I have to admit that I love this banned advertisement:

    boobysattvaRowan1980lobstermmo
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    I asked myself why they banned it. Maybe too near the knuckle...? "Many a true word spoken in jest..."

  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran
    It's bloody hard work this parenting lark. But also a lot of fun.

    Can I offer some advice to you ladies out there raising boys?

    Please don't make them feel guilty about masturbation or about looking at pornography. I am not saying pornography is ok and I know it is often demeaning to women but young men will look at it whether you like it or not. Be careful how you react.
    VastmindNichy
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran

    And the old wive's tale about going blind when you masturbate is wrong. You go bald.

    genkakuNichylobster
  • VastmindVastmind Memphis, TN Veteran
    edited April 2015

    There's a time and place. Not on work time or on school time. Period.

  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator

    I am quite open with my kids about sexuality stuff, we cover it all, lol, and while I keep it age-appropriate, nothing is off the table as far as what I will answer to the best of my female ability. There is never any shame related whatsoever. Whatever they want to talk about has been open since day 1, I have since they were old enough to ask answered their questions with complete honesty so that they continue to ask. And they do, thankfully. I'm sure I'm not the only one they ask, lol, but I'm thankful I have boys willing to ask their mom questions and don't just turn beet red and want to die at the mention of genitals.

    My reaction to thinking he had porn on his ipad was because it was a school device that I had to pay a deposit for and am responsible for as far as what he downloads onto it. So if he puts porn on the ipad, I am the one responsible. That is what the crux of the actual problem was. There was no yelling or anything else, just my lecture about porn and the false views it gives men about sex and women and expectations and so on. But I was still way off on my perception of what inappropriateness he had downloaded, lol. No shame, no guilt.

    Though I discourage them greatly from internet viewing of porn because it is so, so laden with viruses and malware and we get super, super tired of constantly re-formating computers and stuff because of the crap they download, whatever it happens to be. Porn is meh. Blah. Stupid. Completely unrealistic and really, quite the comedy show. Much more comedy than it is real life, and I make sure they understand that. Sex is awkward and messy in the best of circumstances. They know that, too, lol.

    Bunks
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited April 2015

    Sex is greatly over-rated. *GASP!!*

    No, seriously, it is.
    I think if we were all to calculate the amount of times we've had sex, then considered the really brilliant times - well, I think I would be right in saying fewer than 2/10 times would be memorable. another 3 would be ok, the remainder...ho-hum.....

    No wonder Boy George prefers a nice cuppa now.... :D

    karasti
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    edited April 2015

    @Nirvana said:
    ^
    Gimme a break! It's just a cartoon about children being out of control and about both child and adult wanting some control...

    Harsh or mean would be a cartoon about people who always have to offer an opinion on everything...

    Pardon my shock. I can't relate to it as humor. Making a kid cry? o.0

    And no, I haven't had kids. So it was just meant for parents. Oh well.

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited April 2015

    @Dakini said: Pardon my shock. I can't relate to it as humor.

    The reason you can't relate to it as humour is precisely because, you don't have children...

    Making a kid cry? o.0

    Parents do sometimes. Particularly if a child is naughty and it gets a smack, or a severe telling off.
    Of course parents 'make kids cry'.

    Didn't you ever cry because of something your parents said or did?

    Now, would you like to know how many MORE times my children made ME cry?
    Quite a few.
    I reckon we're even...

    And no, I haven't had kids. So it was just meant for parents. Oh well.

    No, it was meant for those who understand exactly how tough it is to bring children up.

    And it was intended to be humorous.
    If you don't get that, sadly, that's your problem. Not ours.

    vinlynhowkarasti
  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran
    edited April 2015

    Having been the beneficiary/victim of three children, a small theory has taken root in what's left of my mind, to wit, that those who have children know a secret that the childless do not. There's nothing better or worse about knowing the secret ... it's just a secret born in experience. Roughly stated, and sounding perhaps much more judgmental than it actually is, the secret is approximately this: Honest to god -- it's not all about you.

    Saying this out loud, my small theory runs, is about like trying to convince a fish that anyone might remain alive while breathing -- gasp! -- air. Everyone knows what they know when they know it and the soil of a peaceful life is everywhere. With or without children ... same stuff, different day.

    But I will confess I find it irritating sometimes to hear the celibate or childless lecturing on the 'miracle' or parameters of caring for children.

  • NichyNichy Explorer

    @federica said:
    Sex is greatly over-rated. *GASP!!*

    @Federica I agree with you... lol

  • @Dakini I get where ur coming from. My aunt is especially mean with her grandaughter - teasing and taunting and making her cry - but yaknow that's her way of expressing tons of fondness for the child which not even her husband understands. If I were to have a kid now I would perhaps know how to handle it better. And I have butt heads with my son often because he thinks he is my father. Its all part of the game. My kid started demanding respect ever since he was an eighth grader and I mean serious respect. Inwardly I have laughed a few times but most times I comply. He however also has the uncanny knack of understanding me and working with me which very few adults have. He knows how never to jump a decision on me, the art of small conversation, asking and truly wanting to know. I truly love him to bits but if someone asked me if I'd like to have another kid - although Id love to - Id think twice - also because I was left bringing my kid up alone with the help of my parents. There is no easy way around parenting, one of the most complex things in life - people seriously grow up after having one - marriages stay together because of them and couples go to war for them when splitting up. I dont think someone who does not have kids does not understand. That is a very unkind thing to say or believe. I have friends who have been single and the biggest support to me when bringing up my child. It is a gross misstatement. I would not have been better at parenting from time to time were it not for the inputs of some very single people. Big hugs to you !

    NichyBunks
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited April 2015

    That's very lucky for you, @boobysattva. Unfortunately, my experiences have ot been so positive.

    It's been like someone who's never even owned, run or driven a car, telling me how to fix it, when my head's under the bonnet, trying desperately to see where the problem lies...

  • boobysattvaboobysattva Explorer
    edited April 2015
    • The Sutta pertaining to Rahula is MN Sutta 61 (I misquoted MN Sutta 60)
    • @federica sometimes the answers come from unexpected places
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Yes. Mostly, the children themselves! :D

  • DakiniDakini Veteran

    @federica said:
    If you don't get that, sadly, that's your problem. Not ours.

    It's not about a problem. I was pointing out how practicing compassion (still without giving in to the child) would do a better job of teaching the child a lesson. A teachable moment was lost in that situation. (Really, the parent should have taken preventive steps long before the situation got out of control, but, whatever.) But I guess the whole thing wasn't meant to be taken seriously.

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    That's right, it wasn't.

    We have had many threads on here posed by parents, asking for advice, support, information and any ideas on how to tackle specific subjects, issues, problems or merely to ask "How does one bring up children with buddhist values?"

    We know we have members here whose children have specific psychological needs, and who are subject to some mental conditions, that need addressing in particular ways.

    You think we don't know about Compassion in parenting?
    How vital it is, and how it must, at all costs, be carefully and evenly balanced with Wisdom?
    Do you think we don't know that even the harshest words must have an underlying foundation of Love and Empathy?

    The opportunities to teach are legion and infinitely varied.No two children - even within the same family - can be brought up and guided in precisely the same way.
    Each child merits individual attention...

    And parents aren't psychic.
    To say -

    "the parent should have taken preventive steps long before the situation got out of control...

    shows, if you could forgive me saying, a remarkable level of naivety and miscomprehension, and a total lack of experience.
    Preventative steps can be taken, certainly, to ensure the child's physical and emotional well-being. but psychological angles, and the total and utter unpredictability of most children's actions, means that pre-empting ANYTHING is at times insurmountably difficult.
    There is no such thing as accurate prediction, when it comes to a child's behaviour.

    And don't for one single nano-second imagine that all these children are sweet, innocent and malleable creatures.
    They are sly, cunning, devious and will do many things to manipulate, coerce and convince their parents to give them - and do - what they want.
    Every child has a dark side - and not one planted and developed by its parents.
    Trust me - dealing with a child is often like wrestling with a barrelful of eels.
    With one hand tied behind your back....

    lobster
  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator

    sometimes the most compassionate thing to do is to let someone (child or otherwise) suffer consequences. Sometimes that includes crying. Sometimes it's even worse than that. Sometimes that level of emotional response is what it takes for them to understand something. Just because a kid cries doesn't mean an adult has inflicted something on them. Sometimes compassion leads to them being upset and crying. It happens. Compassion isn't always nice, just like love sometimes has to be tough.

    It was just a funny. Like a Family Circle or Lockhorns comic in the newspaper. You laugh because you can relate to the scene and the feelings behind it. It doesn't mean you take it as valid, acceptable advice as a way to deal with something. Though, it's not possible to react to every situation perfectly and it's good to b able to laugh at mistakes as well. We lol because we've been there. We hope we do better than the illustration, but sometimes we fail, and knowing we aren't alone in that failure is helpful.

    federicalobster
  • I absolutely love this!

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