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What are you trying to work on right now in life?

inyoinyo Explorer Explorer

hi there,

I am thinking over this question and thought I'd propose it to everyone and share my own thoughts:

What are you trying to work on right now in life? Any specific challenges or areas that need strengthening? Or nothing?

My current challenge is with attachment to my ex right now and I feel it causing a lot of pain. It almost feels like intense suffering sometimes. I think this pain and emptiness within me is the result of developing attachment for so long, maybe even external reliance out of fear. The actions I did for about 7 years of getting lost in this person and not 100% addressing my own needs and belief that I can be okay on my own, have now created this sense of fear/being unsettled/lonely I'm forced to face and deal with. There were beautiful things about the relationship, but I was way too involved in it and it became a huge distraction from knowing myself completely. It was unhealthy mainly because it consumed me and dictated my well being so much of the time. I feel like I lost my power as an individual since I was so focused on the relationship.

The thoughts/practices which help me are mostly meditating on compassion and seeing the suffering in others and practicing relieving that suffering with love that I really feel. This compassion toward all beings is kind of like transferring the love/care I have for my ex toward others and it feels really pure and uplifting. I literally feel healed with this kind of thinking.

This attachment is related to loneliness and I'm seeing that I'm not alone since I have my own mind and thoughts and all of the life around me. I am visualizing who and where I want to be as a person in life, realizing that I don't need anything to be okay and happy, that it is very simple and okay to sit here now with nothing and enjoy this moment with myself. I think it is possible to have a security where I don't need another person even in my darkest times. I keep thinking how at death it's something I will face alone, something possibly filled with weird images and dreams maybe unsettling to someone full of attachment in this world. I feel so needy for a lovey comfort. I know this is natural and everyone experiences it sometimes, but I'm overly cautious and like to be prepared for death at any moment, as well as prepared for the next moment of my life. If I were dying right now, this attachment to this person or to this desire for love/comfort would be a rock on my path to being completely at peace. Although I know in a way people need people and other external things, I know personally, it is imperative to be okay alone and have a mental peace and safe place that isn't completely relied upon by any external person/thing.

I have a goal to be completely at peace in the face of any situation that may tempt me to feel fear and desire. I have felt this way at times in life, but not lately and not consistently. I need to stop distracting myself.

Thanks for listening and please share your current challenges or experiences I'd love to hear.

BunksDeformedSteve_BTara1978

Comments

  • BunksBunks Veteran Australia Veteran

    My main focus at the moment is my work. I am employed in a very agile environment which challenges my controlling nature. I am learning to let stuff go and not feel responsible for everything that happens (or doesn't happen as the case might be right now!)
    It is difficult but it is teaching me patience so is also a blessing.
    Good luck on your journey @inyo.

    Shoshin
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    What are you trying to work on right now in life?

    The Four Noble Truths & Eightfold Path....This should keep me going for a lifetime or two :)

    KundoRuddyDuck9
  • KundoKundo Veteran Sydney, Australia Veteran

    I'm working on my anger right now and how it sabotages me with Right Speech and Right Action. I THINK it started with the revelation of a misdiagnosis of my illness and dealing with that along with everything else in my life.

    Lately I seem to be triggered at the drop of a hat by my family which really distresses me. I'm trying to take it day by day and to not beat myself up too badly if (read when) I stuff up. It's a lot harder than I imagined.

    I can relate to @inyo 's issue though, and FWIW, I found the only way to really deal with it was to cut all contact and access to my ex, his life, his social media etc etc. It may not be the way for you, I'm just sharing what worked for me.

    Metta,
    _ /\ _

    RuddyDuck9
  • lobsterlobster Veteran Veteran

    @inyo said:
    I have a goal to be completely at peace in the face of any situation that may tempt me to feel fear and desire.

    Then you might have to take up fear and desire as training grounds ...

    What are you trying to work on right now in life?

    Is it all about me? Again? Tsk, tsk ... when you say 'right now' you forget the moment right? I think you mean, 'what is my latest pretence?'

    Honesty. Integrity and ... being kind ...

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    @inyo ...At times when the crap hits life's fan...and with a mind weighed down with all the "what ifs" it's easy to overlook a key element/factor (which is often left out of the equation) our dear ol' friend "Karma"....

    We might forget about Karma, but Karma will not forget about us....
    ..............D
    ...............E
    ...............E
    ....W........D
    THOUGHTS
    .....R
    .....D
    ......S

  • IchLiebteIchLiebte Veteran US Veteran

    Not feeling guilty about my mental disabilities and not feeling useless for being unable to work; not feeling like things are my fault all the time; dealing with everything happening in my mind in a healthy way. Just staying alive, really.

    RuddyDuck9Tara1978
  • genkakugenkaku Veteran Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran

    @inyo -- Perhaps there is some small consolation in the words of Mark Twain:

    When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

    Breathe deep. Keep on keepin' on. And best wishes.

    lobsterKundoVastmind
  • KeromeKerome Love, love is mystery The Continent Veteran

    Coping with being more aware of the suffering in other people... Dealing with sensuality and sexual attraction in a healthy way... Reading more about the dharma... Becoming more mindful of the contents of my mind and my blind spots.

    ShoshinRuddyDuck9Vastmind
  • RuddyDuck9RuddyDuck9 Veteran MD, USA Veteran

    right now I'm working on seeing my individuality as an asset rather than a flaw. Having ADD can be extremely frustrating, but I'm looking for a way that I can use it to my benefit. Anything can be a gift if you spin it right, right?

    lobsterVastmind
  • Tara1978Tara1978 Veteran UK Veteran

    Thank you @inyo I am going through pretty similar stuff dealing with end of relationship issues and I am intensely lonely at times. I am focused on developing my thoughts, skills, meditation and intention on the path I wish to follow, it's tough but getting better every day. Stay strong my friend, you are not alone <3

    lobsterSteve_B
  • BhikkhuJayasaraBhikkhuJayasara Bhikkhu Veteran

    a deeper level of letting go to set the groundwork for deeper levels of concentration, to set the groundwork for deeper levels of insight to arise.

    you'd be surprised how easily you can distract yourself even as a monk, in a monastery ;). This does not help the mind attain calm and tranquility.

  • ZaniaZania Explorer Explorer

    Sandwiches

    Walkerlobstersilver
  • ZaniaZania Explorer Explorer

    This is exactly what I am going through right now after a 20 year relationship. It's the most difficult and painful experience I have ever had to face. Like you I feel I was way too attached and gave over my power. I became too dependant and failed to look after my own needs properly. Now the relationship is ending/evolving and I have to try and pick myself up and find a way to be ok with being alone. I feel terrified of the void I face and so lonely sometimes but there is another part of me that knows I need to do this to grow. We do need other people. We are social creatures. Interdependency is healthy. Codependency is not. This has been a pattern for me for a long time ie I have never had a relationship that didn't end up with me becoming very clinging and dependant. This is the longest one I have had but the pattern is not unique. I feel like an empty shell at the moment. I don't know who I am, where I'm going or what I want. I just sit everyday and I guess it helps me in some way however subtle. Perhaps without meditation I would feel more lost and caught up in the emotions. It helps me to notice the changes in mood etc. Today I noticed the point at which my mood changed from melancholic to peaceful. It reminded me how transient everything is. I hope you're ok. May you be truly happy and deeply peaceful. May your life be filled with ease and free from suffering. May you be free

    lobsterDavidSteve_B
  • lobsterlobster Veteran Veteran

    @Zania said:
    Sandwiches

    B) The mundane is very grounding.

    WalkerDairyLama
  • ShimShim Veteran Veteran

    Everything.

    lobster
  • Steve_BSteve_B Veteran Far southwest corner of Indiana, USA Veteran

    One thing I'm trying to work on, and one thing I'm trying to see.

    I'm trying to work on health and nutrition. Not just diet/exercise, but a significant shift in focus, understanding, and building new habits.

    Also, I'm hoping something will come into view. I have no idea what. But it feels like things are about to change. I don't know why it feels that way but I perceive a subliminal, gnawing lack of . . . something.

  • sovasova delocalized fractyllic harmonizing Veteran

    @inyo your words truly struck and stuck. your situation resonates with me in some very real ways. I just typed out your original message on an old typewriter and I'm going to give it to my friend to read. We are in similar places. I'm really happy you included a bit about what practices are helping you overcome. Compassion! So much hurt in the world, but the nice part about pain is that it can be healed and overcome.

    lobster
  • lobsterlobster Veteran Veteran

    Awesome @sova <3 ^^.

    We resonate with others path, through dukkha and personal alignment/understanding/empathy/compassion.

    I hope you're ok. May you be truly happy and deeply peaceful. May your life be filled with ease and free from suffering. May you be free.

    Many people here are going for it ... <3 Change that is.

    As my Buddha body (dharmakaya) is all shiny and perfect, I use it to power up a Buddha Emanation Bubble tantra-style. Mirrored to protect my shellfish indulgences from negative karma and transform negative reflections coming my way and from my way, into Bodhisattva Benevolence ...

    Just the thing for a bit of peace, quiet and metta radiance, Buddha-style ...

  • GrooverGroover Explorer England. Explorer

    I tend to worry about things a lot. It would worry me if I had no worries..so to speak. I am trying to work on that.

    silver
  • MingleMingle Veteran Veteran

    Holiday. I'm 27 and still unencumbered. I just wanna get out there and see the world. That's what i want my 30's to be about.

    lobster
  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @Groover said:
    I tend to worry about things a lot. It would worry me if I had no worries..so to speak. I am trying to work on that.

    Genuine discussion between my dad and mum.
    They have just gone to bed. Lights are out.
    Everything's quiet...

    "Kenneth....?"
    "...yes...?"
    "There's the Electricity bill..."
    "I paid it yesterday...."
    "What about the Gas Bill...?
    "That was paid last week...."
    "Water Bill...?"
    "That's not due for 2 months, yet...."
    "What about the Council Tax?"
    "That's paid until June...."

    Silence.
    "Kenneth...?"
    (Sigh) "....what is it, sweeting?"

    ~ worried voice ~ ...."I've got nothing to worry about!"

    lobsterDairyLamaKundoRuddyDuck9
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