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Im currently reading Stephen Levine's book "A year to live". Theres a section about noting mind states. It says to sit for 5 minutes and you will probably notice about 12 but with practice you will notice hundreds. Not sure whats going on in my head but I barely notice even one "bewildered bewildered".
I meditate daily but I really don't feel that things are becoming clearer or that Im beginning to "see things as they are". My mind usually just feels like a vague dull blob and I feel unhappy a lot.
Sometimes I notice anxiety because its quite an obvious one when the heart races etc but most of the time I don't notice much at all. Is it possible that I don't have any mind states sometimes? That Im neutral? "confusion confusion"
Its the same with body sensations for me. I barely notice anything at all except an itch or a twitch. Books and people say to to keep trying and that you will feel something in the body part being focused on because there is something there but that I can't feel it because Im just not focused enough. But I have been trying for a long time and nothing is changing. Most of the time if I do a body scan I get lost in thought so many times that it feels like I will never finish. I have tried doing the Goenka vipassana body scan i.e. scanning over the body in tiny portions but I gave up because I found it virtually impossible and so painfully boring that I just couldn't stand it any longer.
I feel I need some progress with this stuff otherwise it all feels a bit futile. But then all the material says you have to let go and not want to get anywhere! "frustrated frustrated"