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Funny Stuff

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  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    @Kerome said:
    @lobster are you looking into keeping your bees as healthy as possible? I’ve known several bee keepers in the past, one of which ran a foundation for bee health which advocated taking a minimum of honey from the hives because honey is a better food for bees than sugar water, which is what most bee keepers use to replace the honey they take.

    Hmmmmm....I think you may have missed the joke @Kerome =)

  • KeromeKerome Love, love is mystery The Continent Veteran

    @Bunks said:

    @Kerome said:
    @lobster are you looking into keeping your bees as healthy as possible? I’ve known several bee keepers in the past, one of which ran a foundation for bee health which advocated taking a minimum of honey from the hives because honey is a better food for bees than sugar water, which is what most bee keepers use to replace the honey they take.

    Hmmmmm....I think you may have missed the joke @Kerome =)

    Joke, there was a Joke? Bees are a serious matter! Oh yeah freebees.

    Bunks
  • lobsterlobster Veteran

    @Kerome ... it is a joke. Read again, particularly the ending ... B)

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    I on the other hand, have really and legitimately been a bee-keeper. I had a wonderful hive, and we had some marvellous honey from it. Because we had a queen separator, the bees had plenty of honey for themselves, beneath it. Above it, the takings were ours...

    Bunks
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    personadamcrossleyBunksJeffrey
  • adamcrossleyadamcrossley Veteran UK Veteran

    Bravo @lobster! Really enjoyed that. The previous one about the freebies though... so long-winded with such a small payoff... it was perfect ;)

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @lobster said:
    The big bad wolf had converted to Buddhism. There was peace in the forest. Suddenly. SCREAMS.

    A bystander asked the running animals, "What's happened now?"

    "The big bad wolf," a goat said, "is meditating."

    "So?" said the bystander, "Isn't that a good thing...?"

    "Noooo!" the goat bleated.

    "It's become aware wolf!"

    Ba-Dum Tch! Everyone's a funny one!

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Kundo
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets"

    federicaVastmindJeffreylobster
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    A recent documentary highlighted the increase in the theft of vehicles from multi-storey car parks. Totally wrong on so many levels...

    ShoshinBunks
  • lobsterlobster Veteran
    edited August 2019

    Jokes about white sugar are rare, jokes about brown sugar … Demerara.

    Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
    A: It did not have the guts to do it ...

    adamcrossleyBunks
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    adamcrossleyKeromeVastmindShoshin
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    ShoshinLionduck
  • A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?”

    The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.”

    With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Melvin there?”

    The man answered, “There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don’t you learn to look up numbers before you dial”.

    “See,” said the father to his daughter. “That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch….”

    The father dialed the number again. “Hello, is Melvin there?” asked the father.

    “Now look here!” came the heated reply. “You just called this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here! You’ve got lot of guts calling again!” The receiver slammed down hard.

    The father turned to his daughter and said, “You see, that was anger. Now I’ll show you what exasperation means.”

    He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, “Hello!”

    The father calmly said, “Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?”

    VastmindShoshinKeromeBunks
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran
    edited August 2019

    "Somehow I don't think I'm quite cut out for this yoga stuff"

  • I used to have a fear of hurdles.

    But then I got over it. =)

    ShoshinadamcrossleyBunks
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Actual comment from a friend of mine.
    "I used to suffer from basiphobia until I narrowed it down from 'fear of falling' to, actually, fear of hitting the ground'. "

    And Stephen Fry's pedantic correction of the phrase, "You could have heard a pin drop" to the infuriatingly correct "Actually it's more accurate to say 'you could have heard a pin land.' " He's so right, damn him...

    (I'm furious because I should have spotted that!)

    Love plays on words, and similar...

    adamcrossleyBunks
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    lobsterBunks
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    Does a dog have Buddha nature... :)

    lobsterBunks
    • A Zen master told me, “Do the opposite of what I tell you.” So I didn’t.

    • Says the Master to his pupil: “Do you understand that you don’t really exist?”
      Upon which the pupil replies: “To whom are you telling that?”
    Bunks
  • personperson Don't believe everything you think the liminal space Veteran

    VastmindShoshin
  • lobsterlobster Veteran
    edited October 2019

    Man sues Apple claiming iPhone turned him gay :D

    In a suit filed on 20 September, it is claimed a crypto-currency called "GayCoin" was delivered via a smartphone app, rather than the Bitcoin he had ordered.
    Crypto-currency is basically virtual money - like an online version of cash - and Bitcoin and GayCoin are some of those currencies
    According to the complaint, the GayCoin crypto-currency arrived with a note saying: "Don't judge until you try".
    "I thought, in truth, how can I judge something without trying? I decided to try same-sex relationships," the complainant wrote.
    "Now I have a boyfriend and I do not know how to explain this to my parents."
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-49933003

    adamcrossley
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    Man sues Apple claiming iPhone turned him gay :D

  • Cocktail humor:
    When life throws you lemons, make cocktails.
    "Western" version - "Make a cowboy".

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Vastmind
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    I laughed so much when I read this....

    JeffreypersonBunksShoshin
  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    That’s gold Jerry.....

  • VastmindVastmind Memphis, TN Veteran

    80 yr Old's 4th Marriage

    An 80 yr old woman was recently married to her 4th husband. A reporter was interviewing her, and asked about the occupation of her new husband. She replied that he owned a funeral home. Curious about the other husbands, the reporter also asked about their occupations. The woman paused for awhile and stated that her first husband was a banker. The second one, whom she loved dearly, was a circus master. The third one was a minister.
    Puzzled by her answers, he replied "None of these people have anything in common! Why did you marry them?"
    She stated that she married number one for the money; two for the show; three to get ready; and four to go!

    ShoshinpersonKeromeBunks
  • Hopefully there isn't a similar study to statistical thermodynamics in the realm of Buddhism :D

    BunksadamcrossleyLionduck
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    ...Define 'best' - !

  • lobsterlobster Veteran

    adamcrossleyBunksLionduck
  • KeromeKerome Love, love is mystery The Continent Veteran
    edited March 16

    An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian were sitting at a bar trying to define true happiness. The Englishman said, true happiness is arriving home tired after a long day’s work and finding a gin and tonic waiting for you. You English have no sense of romance, said the Frenchman. True happiness is when you go on a business trip, you find a pretty girl who entertains you and you part with no regrets. No no, said the Russian, true happiness is when you are at home asleep in your bed at 4 in the morning, there is a pounding on the door, and it is the secret police who tell you, “Igor Zelinsky, you are under arrest”, and you then are able to say “Sorry but Igor Zelinsky lives next door.”

    Lionduckadamcrossley
  • LionduckLionduck Veteran

    and the the Scotsman c...sorry. Wrong movie.

  • johnathanjohnathan ICBI Canada Veteran

    My friend just asked Siri to tell him a joke... she said:

    "What did the Buddhist Monk say to the hot dog vendor?"

    "Make me one with everything"

    BunksShoshinadamcrossley
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