I was considering today the difference between the feelings we observe in ourselves, and the beliefs which our logical minds tell us we hold. For example, I was irritated today when my mother in a shared discussion with my aunt told me that I would be cooking today. Mindfulness tells me that this irritation came from being ordered around in the presence of another family member, a little bit of ego that didn’t like to lose face.
Now my logical mind believes this is no big deal, hardly worth getting irritated about. But it’s interesting that my feelings should signal something different, that there is some part of myself which I do not understand all that well which still comes up with the feeling of irritation. My logical mind holds an opinion which is different to the feeling mind, and I know what Ajahn Chah would say, that the untrained heart is worth little.
In a way I am trying to educate my feelings self into a freer way of thinking. My logical mind accepts we are all interdependent, that on some level the whole universe is one, that the best way is compassion for all, but on another level my feelings still tell me about survival and caring for image and saving face.
It reminded me that Osho has said on occasion that the unenlightened man is a crowd of selves in one person.
Have you encountered occasions where you have caught yourself in inconsistencies?
With warm regards,