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Funny Stuff

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  • Shoshin1Shoshin1 Veteran

    Kotishka
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Elderly couple go to the doctor.
    "Doctor," says the wife, I want you to check my husband over... we still enjoy our conjugal rights now and then, but, well... he's finding it hard going sometimes..."
    The Doctor takes the husband into a cubicle, and examines him. Physically, everything seems to be in order...
    "So, tell me, what's the problem as you experience it?" asks the Doctor...
    "Well" explains the old boy, hesitantly... "The first time is great. We're happy, we're satisfied, it all goes well, no problems...but then, the second time, I get sweats, I overheat, I need water... it's just uncomfortable!"
    The doctor is stumped, so he goes out to the wife, and relates what her husband has said...
    "Yeah" she replies, "The first time is in January, the second time is in August..."

    JeffreyBunks
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Two elderly couples are sitting, sunday afternoon, enjoying chatting... the men on the verandah, the ladies in the lounge...
    "So, BIll," ask Mick, "How was your trip to town yesterday? How was the lunch?"
    "Oh!" Replies Bill, "It was amazing! The ambience was beautiful! We ate in the gardens... lush, green, the planting was superb! The whole setting was marvellous, and the food! My God, it was great! You should go!"
    "Sure!" says Mick, "What's the name of the restaurant?"
    Bill sits and thinks, but can't for the life of him remember...
    "What's that flower... it's pink, or red... nice foliage... has thorns..."
    "Rose...?" Ventures Mick.
    "Yeah, that's it, thanks! Hey, Rose! What's the name of that restaurant we went to...?!"

    lobsterJohnCobb
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited March 28

    A Jewish Momma and her 4-year-old son are walking and playing on a beach, on a warm sunny day, down at the sea shore... suddenly, a rogue wave hurtles towards the beach, and before the Momma can do anything, it sweeps her little boy away...
    Panicking, because nobody saw a thing, she starts screaming and praying,

    "Oh God, give my son back! he has his life ahead of him! He's gonna be a doctor, he would be so good for people! I promise god, give my son back, and I'll go to the synagogue every day, I'll quit nagging my husband, I won't be picky any more... please God, please!"

    At that moment, another huge wave builds, and crashing on the seashore, deposits her little boy infront of her... coughing and spluttering but otherwise fine.
    She gathers him up, crying with joy!
    "Oh God, thank you, thank you! I promise, everything I said I would do, I will do...I'll go to the synagogue every day, I'll...."

    She looks at her son, then back to the heavens...

    "Scuse me but...You know... he had a hat..."

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    The lady doth protest too much, methinks!

    lobster
  • LionduckLionduck Veteran

    WE recently aquired a dog. She is friendly, playful and the household shredder. If she can get a bite into it, it will be shredded.. and we adore her.

    JeroenShoshin1
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @Lionduck said:
    WE recently aquired a dog. She is friendly, playful and the household shredder. If she can get a bite into it, it will be shredded.. and we adore her.

    Dog Behaviourist here, ready if you need me!

  • Shoshin1Shoshin1 Veteran

    @Lionduck said:
    WE recently aquired a dog. She is friendly, playful and the household shredder. If she can get a bite into it, it will be shredded.. and we adore her.

    If you haven't already decided on a name you could call her Shreddy .... :)

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Shreddy, beddy, GO!

    Shoshin1
  • lobsterlobster Veteran

    For easter I tried to teach my mother a Christian mantra/prayer. She has alzhiemers > dementia ...

    Lord Jesus Christ, Have Mercy on me A Sinner

    She managed:
    Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on my dinner

    Good enough! :mrgreen: Tuck in!
    https://www.learnreligions.com/the-jesus-prayer-542660

    JeroenShoshin1
  • Shoshin1Shoshin1 Veteran

    lobsterBunksLionduck
  • Shoshin1Shoshin1 Veteran

    WalkerlobsterBunksLionduck
  • lobsterlobster Veteran

    JeroenKotishkaShoshin1Lionduck
  • Shoshin1Shoshin1 Veteran

    BunksJeffreyWalkerLionduck
  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran
    edited May 4

    Only in Australia

    Shoshin1Lionduck
  • Shoshin1Shoshin1 Veteran

    BunksJeroenLionduck
  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    @Shoshin1 said:

    I thought you might get away with that on Waiheke @Shoshin1 ? :p

    Shoshin1
  • Shoshin1Shoshin1 Veteran

    lobsterLionduckWalker
  • Shoshin1Shoshin1 Veteran

    Is there a commonly mispronounced word or phrase which drives you mad?

    Please try and be as pacific as possible.

    howBunksWalker
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    bitch.

    BunksShoshin1
  • Shoshin1Shoshin1 Veteran

    BunkshowLionduck
  • lobsterlobster Veteran

    Came across this top tip on reddit:
    'I had my healthy appendix removed,
    just to show my other organs, I take no bullshit.'

    JeroenShoshin1
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited June 6

    Talking of pronouncing words, and errant letters (see this post and following...)

    Dame Margot Asquith, Meets Jean Harlow.

    J.H.: "That's a beautiful name! Is it pronounced "Margotte"..?
    M.A.: No, the 'T' is silent. As in 'Harlow'.

    To be fair, she WAS a bitch...

    Shoshin1Jeroenlobster
  • Shoshin1Shoshin1 Veteran

    BunksLionduck
  • Shoshin1Shoshin1 Veteran

    BunksLionduck
  • Shoshin1Shoshin1 Veteran

    BunkslobsterKotishkaLionduck
  • Shoshin1Shoshin1 Veteran

    Well did you say it slowly @Bunks ? ;);)

  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    @Shoshin1 said:
    Well did you say it slowly @Bunks ? ;);)

    I tried but it didn’t seem to work 😜

    Shoshin1lobster
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    BunkslobsterJeffreyShoshin1
  • Shoshin1Shoshin1 Veteran

    JeffreylobsterBunks
  • Shoshin1Shoshin1 Veteran

    BunksJeroenLionduck
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    I've forgotten how to program mine...!

  • Shoshin1Shoshin1 Veteran

    lobsterBunksLionduck
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Bah-dum, tch!

  • Shoshin1Shoshin1 Veteran

    BunkspersonLionduck
  • Shoshin1Shoshin1 Veteran
    edited June 29


    "Should have gone to SpecSavers"

    lobsterBunksLionduck
  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    Joke from my 8 year old:

    How does a tree get on the internet?

    It “logs” on 😆

    JeroenShoshin1personLionduck
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    badum-tch!

    Bunks
  • Shoshin1Shoshin1 Veteran

    BunksLionduck
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