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Compassion
Michelle
Explorer
Oh....I am really struggling with this one right now. Does anyone else have a hard time showing/feeling compassion for those who seem to have none? I know these are the one's who probably need it the most...but dang...it can be difficult.
Peace,
Michelle
Peace,
Michelle
0
Comments
What do you mean? Can you elaborate?
So, since I obviously haven't worked this out yet, I limit association and sit with the memories of contact working on my own stuff.
You may do the same, I recon.
As a matter of fact, this forum, has been a pretty good place to face my hostile impulses in the face of imagined contempt. The urge to slap shows up in some sharp posts and not actually scaring the stuffing out of others when I turn into a demonic presence, which is quite easy when you're 6'4" 280# scarred-up dog-eared, old war-dog, who can bring-up the kind of intense energy that burns through the eyes and can be felt in emanating waves. Ever been in the presence of a cold blooded killer, ready to act. That's the life-long conditioning I get to transform.
The point is it's my own stuff, not the other's.
The compassion thing is your stuff to work with! You may imagine when you've been in the worst pain you've ever experienced then imagine the other is in that same place, I dunno, it may help.
The common criminals are different and makes mistakes because of ignorance.
Psychopathy (pronounced /saɪˈkɒpəθi/[1][2]) is a personality disorder whose hallmark is a lack of empathy. Researcher Robert Hare, whose Hare Psychopathy Checklist is widely used, describes psychopaths as "intraspecies predators[3][4] who use charisma, manipulation, intimidation, sexual intercourse and violence[5][6][7] to control others and to satisfy their own needs. Lacking in conscience and empathy, they take what they want and do as they please, violating social norms and expectations without guilt or remorse".[8] "What is missing, in other words, are the very qualities that allow a human being to live in social harmony."[9]
Psychopaths are glib and superficially charming, and many psychopaths are excellent mimics of normal human emotion;[10] some psychopaths can blend in, undetected, in a variety of surroundings, including corporate environments.[11] There is neither a cure nor any effective treatment for psychopathy; there are no medications or other techniques which can instill empathy, and psychopaths who undergo traditional talk therapy only become more adept at manipulating others.[12] The consensus among researchers is that psychopathy stems from a specific neurological disorder which is biological in origin and present from birth.[10] It is estimated that one percent of the general population are psychopaths
“In the practice of tolerance, one's enemy is the best teacher.”
-HHDL
Of course it's hard to feel and show compassion to these types, but in the context of liberation, what is really happening when an enemy or an evil person makes us angry? It's not really that they make us angry. Rather, it is more that we are seeing parts of ourselves when emotions arise. We are seeing our weakest points. We are seeing our psychological processing of behavior that repulses us and we are seeing the psychological process of repulsion as well. This is a great opportunity for deepening our practice if we can catch ourselves.
I am a big advocate of metta bhavana (loving-kindness) meditation as it can really open us up to the reality that all sentient beings are cycling in a really lowly conscious state. Every angry and selfish person is actually a lost and confused child trying to control an environment that is out of their control. And so am I most of the time. My emotional responses are an attempt to change my environment and put it back in balance. The problem is, these emotions are volatile and lead to unskillful mental, verbal and physical activities.
Anyway, I fail at this a lot, but I've practiced enough to know that I'm just looking at things from the wrong perspective when others make me upset.
Hope this helps in some way.
_/\_
Perhaps you can succeed where others have failed not that one comes across a psychopath that often.
Which actually means that psychopaths need our compassion greatly, but never from a position of being vulnerable to them.
A definition of compassion that I have heard in buddhist teachings is that compassion is the wish for another being to be free of suffering. In that case, even a harmful being wants to be free of suffering and is clueless about how to accomplish that. He or she instead continues to create the causes of suffering by harming others.
I had a personal experience with this in the last few years. A woman I had spent a lot of time with to help turned on me and took up being in a relationship with an abusive boyfriend. The boyfriend himself had been a dharma brother, son of a close friend of mine, and active in our buddhist community. Short version of the story, the boyfriend harassed, battered and assaulted me and I was forced to emergency move, sell my house, file a restraining order and talk to the DA about criminal charges.
I've been working with my own mind to feel compassion for these two individuals, both who betrayed me and took advantage of my kindness.
The truth is that I do wish for both of them to be happy, not because I feel such great affection for them. I continue to feel afraid and sad about what happened. But because if these two were truly happy then they would stop harming other beings.
Whether the other has the capacity to change is not important to the cultivation and expression of compassion. In my last post, I spoke about my own problem with being overwhelmed by the attitude of hostility toward those I imagine as having the characteristic of contempt. This is my problem not their's.
It's like being addicted to alcohol or drugs. If I cannot control the addictive behavior I need to stay away from places where I may associate with others who use those things until I accomplish enough control not to surrender to the habitual behavior.
It's the same with compassion. It's not lack of compassion but addiction/habituation to anger that's at issue. So, until you have control of the habit of being angry, when in contact with those you imagine as having no compassion, stay away from them if you can or find some way to separate yourself mentally from them (dissociate), if you cannot.
the 'harmful being' is the one who is defenitely going to be suffer in the future because of that harmful action
therefore the 'harmful being' is the one who need our compassion
the Best Wish would be the 'wishing all sentient being be able to get the Right View'
once one get the Right View one will be able to lookafter oneself
She recommends 'leaning into' that which causes discomfort, in order to look at, even study with a curious eye, our own pain, discomfort and suffering. Someone or something who makes you upset would be a great object for this. The idea is to simply study yourself, even if it is anger or judgement, demonizing the person or whatever.
She also says this is why you need to have compassion for yourself, because when we look at this we won't like it. We need to take a very gentle approach...
There is a growing discussion among researchers to suggest there may be a genetic influence that creates a psychopathic personality. The psychopath may lack the ability to physically feel what others identify as the physical sensation of guilt. They can feel fear, anger, sadness in the moment but not guilt for what they did or what they are about to do. Some sociologists believe that a sexually promiscuous psychopath who can live off others is a survivor and may represent one of many genes for survival in the human species. Even more surprising has been the observation that many adult psychopaths do not seem to benefit from support, counseling or therapy and may in fact commit crimes again and sooner because of it. Research using brain scanning technology has revealed that the brain of a psychopath functions and processes information differently. One famous brain imaging study showed that psychopaths can remain calm looking photos of dead bodies in automobile accidents where as other people were clearly upset. They don't use their brain they way others do. This suggests that they may be physically different from normal people.
http://www.crisiscounseling.com/Articles/Psychopath.htm
I stand corrected as I was under the impression that psychopaths has no fear, sadness or anger (like Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs) ie. they are free from suffering that they inflict on others unlike common criminals who clearly deserves our compassion.
Oh man, do I ever have a hard time with that one. It's one of my buttons.
When I come across contemptuous people it triggers deep seated anger in me. It's probably because when I was growing up my father and older brother had a bad habit of behaving with contempt and scorn toward others and when it was directed at me for whatever reason it often left me feeling deeply humiliated.
It didn't seem to matter to them that I was a young child. Their self-loathing was so great and their overcompensating arrogance was so ingrained that they didn't seem to notice the effect their ridicule and disdain had on others. On top of that, my siblings and I were forbidden to show anger of any kind towards my father so when he humiliated me I either had to sneak off to my room and scream into my pillow or swallow it and hide my anger and shame behind a smiling face. Very frustrating.
Nowadays when someone deliberately belittles me I hardly ever get those feelings of humiliation, which is thanks mostly to Buddhism. But the anger is definitely still there and it still bubbles up whether the contempt is directed at me or someone else. I understand intellectually why some people might behave that way towards others but that knowledge alone doesn't help me. I just have to keep looking for the correct perspective, the Right View of it, and hope I find it someday soon.
I just wanted to say that even if behavioral challenges have their genesis in the womb there is still a great chance that relearning can take place through cognitive means. One example among many would be autism.
And the second thing I wanted to say was that I just read an article in Reuters Health regarding the newest studies in psychopathology which indicate that it is more common than previously thought, not less.
That's all. Carry on!
1. All psychopaths are violent. Research by psychologists such as Randall T. Salekin, now at the University of Alabama, indicates that psychopathy is a risk factor for future physical and sexual violence. Moreover, at least some serial killers—for example, Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy and Dennis Rader, the infamous “BTK” (Bind, Torture, Kill) murderer—have manifested numerous psychopathic traits, including superficial charm and a profound absence of guilt and empathy.
Nevertheless, most psychopaths are not violent, and most violent people are not psychopaths. In the days following the horrific Virginia Tech shootings of April 16, 2007, many newspaper commentators described the killer, Seung-Hui Cho, as “psychopathic.” Yet Cho exhibited few traits of psychopathy: those who knew him described him as markedly shy, withdrawn and peculiar.
2. All psychopaths are psychotic. In contrast to people with psychotic disorders, such as schizophrenia, who often lose contact with reality, psychopaths are almost always rational. They are well aware that their ill-advised or illegal actions are wrong in the eyes of society but shrug off these concerns with startling nonchalance.
3. Psychopathy is untreatable. In the popular HBO series The Sopranos, the therapist (Dr. Melfi) terminated psychotherapy with Tony Soprano because her friend and fellow psychologist persuaded her that Tony, whom Dr. Melfi concluded was a classic psychopath, was untreatable. Aside from the fact that Tony exhibited several behaviors that are decidedly nonpsychopathic (such as his loyalty to his family and emotional attachment to a group of ducks that had made his swimming pool their home), Dr. Melfi’s pessimism may have been unwarranted. Although psychopaths are often unmotivated to seek treatment, research by psychologist Jennifer Skeem of the University of California, Irvine, and her colleagues suggests that psychopaths may benefit as much as nonpsychopaths from psychological treatment. Even if the core personality traits of psychopaths are exceedingly difficult to change, their criminal behaviors may prove more amenable to treatment.
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=what-psychopath-means&page=2
Even if psychopathy is more common than previous thought, and that might indicate changes in classification criteria or data collection, it is still a question of whether it is rare or very rare.:)
Looking forward to having a moment to come back and thoroughly read, absorb, and respond.
Thank you!
Peace,
Michelle
But on the specific topic....there is an almost palpable resistance or unease in me on the topics of compassion and loving-kindness, and I suspect its because on some level it feels like one of those "can't do it, why bother?" areas for me. At times I've wondered if I'm capable of developing compassion on the level that I often admire in some other people. I developed a level of emotional detachment early in life, and while there have been definite shifts in that, I do at times have a hard time "connecting."
Still, the truth is that any progress I've made (or choose to perceive that I've made!), in learning, in living, in growing spiritually, in becoming a kinder person -- all of it has come just a baby step at a time.
So now at the end of my morning meditation when I extend wishes for the people I love, I am including one person who arouses ambivalence or animosity or judgment in me, extending the very same prayers to them.
Some mornings I really don't want to do it!!
Baby steps work so much better for me than idealistic (and unrealistic) expectations.
May all beings be happy and free from suffering. Really.
I've just come across this thread now -and so I thought this might be helpful.
youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ixmba3jAEEk
Kind wishes,
D.
.
The fact they we can LEARN to be more compassionate and kindly seems odd doesnt it ? We tend to think some people are just born that way, and to some extent its true. But many of us need to practise those qualities in the same way that we can develop certain muscle groups by exercising. The exercises to strengthen our compassion muscles are called the Brahma Viharas. The vid. posted by Dazzle give a good intro to the Brahma Viharas. Thank you Dazzle.
Namaste
I imagine the work that goes into developing compassion is never regretted either.
Likewise, some physicians I work with can be... well, I'll be charitable and say they can be a "challenge" to work with sometimes. In fact, sometimes they can be downright nasty. But I know that kind of behavior is not about me, it's a problem they have (much like the posts about abusive personal relationships). I try really hard to have compassion for these people as well. Sometimes it works and sometimes it takes a while.
Mtns
Reducing the complexity of human behaviour to a few simple nostrums is not compassionate. Telling people that all they need do is pull themselves together, or relax, or even all they need to do is meditate, is not always compassionate on its own.
Interesting question: "having a hard time showing compassion?'.It initiates a further contemplation for me.
1.Do we 'show' compassion ? If we chose to show or not show is it not something that is coming from the 'thought process' which may or may not be authentic?
2.Extrapolating from the scattered Buddhist literature, Did ever Buddha divide people into the ones worthy of compassion and those who are not worthy?No.
3. Is compassion a polar thing? can you be compassionate towards one person and not compassionate towards other?Interestingly attachment,craving,romantic love etc are polar.If we categorize compassion as a polar feeling then are we not seeing at it the same way as we see other casual emotions.
4.Pure compassion is obvious(and only) interpersonal relation between a perfected being and others. us being degenerate 'believers' in the idea of compassion 'choose' our sphere of compassion according to our own volitions.
5 At any case if 'the compassion ideal' is to be set for the sake of setting an ideal, it makes more sense to make it 'unconditional compassion' for all rather than saying 'compassion for certain subset'.
(1) Every act of "bad" behavior is an attempt to avoid or cope with an underlying discomfort. This applies not only to the other's bad behavior, but also to my own reactions to it.
(2) I cannot begin to really "see" another until I have acknowledged and set aside my own reactions and poor attempts to cope with them.
When someone annoys me, I try to see and set aside my own reactions (not always successfully). If I can do that, then I can observe the other person more deeply ... and I always see some form of agitation (pain, helplessness, pride) that lies underneath their behavior.
If I can do this and really "see" the other person's discomfort, then and only then am I able to generate compassion.
Because we are all the same ... as Buddhism teaches, we are all only trying to be happy.
I hope things go well for your husband and his surgery.