Feelings

Gavin

I'm new to Buudhism and I nearly gave up recently as the point I've got to I interpreted it to mean we shouldn't mourn death. I can't remember exactly what I read but it was about attachment to feelings.

I thought about it a little more and I then wondered how often we actually choose to feel sad etc. Lots of people I know (well mainly women) choose to watch certain films as they make them cry.

The thing that actually scares me about taking Buddhism further is that if I want to become enlightened it comes at the expense of not being able to love somebody to the extent that we virtually become the same person, how when they are gone part of me will be gone and I will be inconsolable for a time.

RebeccaS

I think enlightenment is just like... Ultimate love (not everyone will agree with me on this point though). So maybe it would stop you feeling that way... But maybe feeling that way isn't love at all. And if feeling that way IS love, then you'll still feel that way. Either way, win win, still love

Cloud

Buddhism's not about giving up feelings, it's about recognizing the ways that we cause ourselves suffering by not seeing reality clearly. The reason we experience such pain at someone's death (someone close) for instance is that we haven't embraced the impermanent nature of life. We avoid death in all ways, even thinking about it, and so build up a picture in our minds of never losing anyone we care for. If we look death in the face and begin to become friends with death (we're all going to die after all), it becomes less painful to lose people.

We come to slowly replace "selfish" love with "selfless" love, or unconditional/universal compassion, the greater kind of love that doesn't depend on someone loving us back. We become like mothers to their children, in relation to others (even strangers). And of course when you love the world, the world loves you back. It's becoming "family" with everyone, instead of just a small group of people. You're becoming one with all of humanity and life! If you've ever read the teachings of Jesus, or read about him, it's like this... considering everyone to be your family, to love everyone.

These things happen naturally as we come to see things how they really are, and it leads to a great peace because life doesn't have to be such a struggle, such a pain in the ass. Life is beautiful and wondrous, and we should embrace it with our entire heart, our entire being.

Jeffrey

When my dog died I was so sad for some time, but my learning in Buddhism inspired me to just feel my feelings and ride them. I did not try to be any certain way, but just allowed myself to feel as I did.

As it is, as it is. Let all things be as they are.

footiam

Gavin said:

I'm new to Buudhism and I nearly gave up recently as the point I've got to I interpreted it to mean we shouldn't mourn death. I can't remember exactly what I read but it was about attachment to feelings.

I thought about it a little more and I then wondered how often we actually choose to feel sad etc. Lots of people I know (well mainly women) choose to watch certain films as they make them cry.

The thing that actually scares me about taking Buddhism further is that if I want to become enlightened it comes at the expense of not being able to love somebody to the extent that we virtually become the same person, how when they are gone part of me will be gone and I will be inconsolable for a time.

Someone told me there is love in Buddhism. It is called Metta.

pegembara

@Gavin

That is the problem. When alive, one cannot let go but when facing death, hopefully there is realisation/acceptance that one cannot hold one simply because nothing belongs to us.

Sabre

I'd advice to not get too much into intellectual ideas and fantasies about what the results will be like, especially when you are new to Buddhism. Instead, do the practice and see what results it gives. To imagine love without attachment while never having experienced something like that, is impossible. It's not really understandable how love without attachment is stronger than love with attachment. But it is. So don't worry too much about what will come. Enjoy your practice.

Also Buddhism isn't about should or shouldn't. It's about seeing things as they are. If there is reason to mourn, there is reason to mourn, if there is not, there is not.

andyrobyn

Being sad and mourning the loss which is a part of a full life does not have to be avoided to avoid suffering ... Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

Geoff-Allen

Yes, Sabre, there is a difference between love & attachment. Attachment leads 2 suffering; real love leads 2 joy ...

http://viewonbuddhism.org/attachment.html

Have a good one!

Geoff-Allen

Just found this as wlll -

http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/buddhapsych.html

Cheers