Dealing with the nonself

Pollyanna83

After years of meditation, I've come to a place of struggling with my own identity. Does this come along with a change of awareness and perception? How can I find a place to rest in within myself while struggling to understand who I am and where I come from?

genkaku

Everyone struggles and keeps on struggling until, perhaps, they simply begin to wonder what all the fuss was about.

how

The very essence of identity is actually an expression of an adversarial struggle.
Meditation is the slowly unfolding lesson that this struggle was , is and always will be, just a dream to wake up from..

lobster

Pollyanna83 said:

After years of meditation, I've come to a place of struggling with my own identity. Does this come along with a change of awareness and perception? How can I find a place to rest in within myself while struggling to understand who I am and where I come from?

:clap:
Be careful.
It sounds like you are close to a breakthrough.
What parts of your 'identity' rest outside of 'who am I', 'where do I arise from' etc.
In other words what do 'you' have in common with 'not you', or empty of 'you', 'identity', sense of self etc . . .
A something/nothing to identify . . . :wave:

Sabre

Hi,

While challenging your identity I think is a good thing, asking yourself the questions "who am I" and "where do I come from" are questions that can lead to wrong ideas. That's because in the question there is the assumption of an I-identity already. The sense of identity should be investigated using the five aggregates, not questions such as this, as seen in the sutta below.

When meditating put these questions aside, they are not important for the moment. Try to find a place of peace in the body, breath and in the mind.

Or else he is inwardly perplexed about the immediate present: 'Am I? Am I not? What am I? How am I? Where has this being come from? Where is it bound?'

"As he attends inappropriately in this way, one of six kinds of view arises in him: The view I have a self arises in him as true & established, or the view I have no self... or the view It is precisely by means of self that I perceive self... or the view It is precisely by means of self that I perceive not-self... or the view It is precisely by means of not-self that I perceive self arises in him as true & established, or else he has a view like this: This very self of mine — the knower that is sensitive here & there to the ripening of good & bad actions — is the self of mine that is constant, everlasting, eternal, not subject to change, and will stay just as it is for eternity. This is called a thicket of views, a wilderness of views, a contortion of views, a writhing of views, a fetter of views. Bound by a fetter of views, the uninstructed run-of-the-mill person is not freed from birth, aging, & death, from sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, & despair. He is not freed, I tell you, from suffering & stress.
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.002.than.html

Theswingisyellow

You practice long enough it's like you come full circle, but your much better for it.

Jeffrey

Sometimes awareness is foggy and some times crystal clear. It will always be that way I think just like genkaku said. So get interested in what is going on when you have the unclear question. Let it be.

lobster

How can I find a place to rest in within myself while struggling

You can't.

David

Be at rest with not resting.

lobster

Be at rest with not resting.

Just so.
This does not mean stop meditating. It means the flaws and impediments and the struggling are 'OK' - yes they are dukkha.

'Hi dukkha, hi samsara, hi struggling, hi wriggling impediments
Thanks for sitting/being with us.'

Perfection is for giant, omniscient, fantasy Buddhas. Always good for a little projection from Disney World Dharma . . .

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do

Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true

Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true

OM MANI PEME HUM