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How does one become more compassionate and Loving ?

It seems like every motivation I have is born of envy. Even when I am seeking to gain love it is because I want others to be envious of me. I do understand that since my motivation is for others to be envious towards me than I will only ever feel envy towards others . My connection with everything will be based off this envy. So I am assuming that If I seek pure compassion from others than I may find this pure compassion within myself. Than maybe the connection with everything will be based off of this compassion instead of envy. But it is difficult for me to let go of this envious motivation, maybe I fear that it is still of use?

This envious mentality has been successful in the past so part of me wants to hold on to it in the hope that I may be able to perfect my methods of obtaining others envy towards myself.

What I think I need to do is realize that the path of the heart is the right and only path. That this path of envy will only breed more envy, it will never free me. But how can I convince myself? Maybe if I can achieve some success while showing compassion I can than have faith in the path of the heart.But I feel that this may defeat the purpose, because if I am seeking acceptance from others I will also be once again entering this dreaded cycle of envy.
What methods can you propose for my predicament?

Comments

  • howhow Veteran
    edited November 2013
    Becoming more compassionate and loving is moving from a selfish view to a more selfless orientation. To the degree that you let go of your own self first interests is the degree that compassion and love will usually manifest.
    Invincible_summer
  • how said:

    Becoming more compassionate and loving is moving from a selfish view to a more selfless orientation. To the degree that you let go of your own self first interests is the degree that compassion and love will usually manifest.

    Is there any tiny methods to help build towards shifting my selfish desires into compassion?
  • howhow Veteran
    edited November 2013

    how said:

    Becoming more compassionate and loving is moving from a selfish view to a more selfless orientation. To the degree that you let go of your own self first interests is the degree that compassion and love will usually manifest.

    Is there any tiny methods to help build towards shifting my selfish desires into compassion?
    @heyimacrab

    Meditation is just not feeding the habituated impulses that power the delusion of self.
    If you diverted a small proportion of the time you put into posting here, towards practicing meditation, would that be a tiny or a large method?

    Talking about can be a tiny method with tiny results.
    The actualization of your answer you seek will be the dropping of all such mentality in favor of just practicing meditation.
    There, you will be the answer.
    Invincible_summercvalue
  • You want a method that accords with not doing what is required? Try chanting for a while . . .

    . . . or you can try the 'big book and hot water bottle method'.
    The book for wisdom. The hot water bottle to warm the heart.

    . . . or we could sit on the big book, chant to the water bottle for compassion and drink the contents.

    Magic = results by non effort.
    Dharma = 'non effort' as a karmic result.

    LOL
    howcvalue
  • It seems like every motivation I have is born of envy. Even when I am seeking to gain love it is because I want others to be envious of me. I do understand that since my motivation is for others to be envious towards me than I will only ever feel envy towards others . My connection with everything will be based off this envy. So I am assuming that If I seek pure compassion from others than I may find this pure compassion within myself. Than maybe the connection with everything will be based off of this compassion instead of envy. But it is difficult for me to let go of this envious motivation, maybe I fear that it is still of use?

    This envious mentality has been successful in the past so part of me wants to hold on to it in the hope that I may be able to perfect my methods of obtaining others envy towards myself.

    What I think I need to do is realize that the path of the heart is the right and only path. That this path of envy will only breed more envy, it will never free me. But how can I convince myself? Maybe if I can achieve some success while showing compassion I can than have faith in the path of the heart.But I feel that this may defeat the purpose, because if I am seeking acceptance from others I will also be once again entering this dreaded cycle of envy.
    What methods can you propose for my predicament?

    In a case like this, I would think: Seek and you won't find. You can't find compassion in others when there is none in us. The fact that there is none in us probably means that we won't be able to recognise it when there is one right before our very eyes.
  • It seems like every motivation I have is born of envy.

    This realisation in itself is a great deal more than most people achieve.

    This envious mentality has been successful in the past so part of me wants to hold on to it in the hope that I may be able to perfect my methods of obtaining others envy towards myself.

    Shedding old habits is not easy, and stepping away from the need for others' approval and envy is also scary. But through meditation awareness of these egoic thinking patterns will gradually chisel away at its hold over you, and in time you will be able to shift your trust to your own true nature instead of the fickle admiration of others.

    What I think I need to do is realize that the path of the heart is the right and only path. That this path of envy will only breed more envy, it will never free me. But how can I convince myself?

    You won't convince yourself through the intellect because it is controlled by your conditioned thinking patterns which are themselves aligned with the envious society you are living in.

    When you catch yourself in this envious frame of mind, look closely at the person who is the object of your envy. Imagine them sick, or old, or dying. Whatever it is they have that you desire is only fleeting and worthless at the end of the day. Let them have what they have with joy, knowing that it won't last.
    Jeffreybanned_crabcvalue
  • MaryAnneMaryAnne Veteran
    edited November 2013
    I have a question or two for you, @heyimacrab ...

    You have been a member of this forum community for about 6 months, and you have asked nearly a dozen very specific questions about understanding Buddhism and applying it to your life and/or your specific problems.
    Now, there is nothing 'wrong' with that -- many of us ask questions from time to time when things come up in our lives...

    But I'm starting to wonder if you are under the impression that just by asking questions, and getting the (mostly) opinions and anecdotes from others here, who self-identify as Buddhist, is enough to grasp the Practice and apply it to your own life?

    Personally, honestly, I don't believe one can 'learn & understand' Buddhism; the Noble Truths, the 8 Fold Path and Precepts - in a meaningful, and in-depth way - just by questioning people in a forum.
    Yet, on the other hand, I also don't believe the only way to learn and understand Buddhism is to drag yourself through the massive tomes of suttras or suttas, either.

    Buddhism can be profoundly simple, elegant, precise and meaningful - as well as accessible and understandable.

    So I need to ask you, what books - about Buddhism and or meditation - have you yourself actually read?
    I'd like to suggest a few (just off the top of my head) and I'm sure there are many more good, beginner and intermediate books on Buddhism (and meditation) others can recommend as well. :)
    I think reading some books will go a long way towards helping you see 'the big picture' of Buddhism and living the Dharma yourself -- not just asking others how they do it.

    * Start Where You Are; A Guide to Compassionate Living
    * Taking Tea With The Buddha; The Gift of Compassion
    * Buddhism Plain and Simple
    * Modern Buddhism (Volumes 1, 2, and 3) Geshe Kelsang Gyatso

    Sorry I don't list most of the authors. I'm really bad with recalling most authors' names...

    cvalueEvenThird

  • It seems like every motivation I have is born of envy.
    My connection with everything will be based off this envy.

    So I am assuming that If I seek pure compassion from others than I may find this pure compassion within myself.
    Than maybe the connection with everything will be based off of this compassion instead of envy.

    But it is difficult for me to let go of this envious motivation, maybe I fear that it is still of use?
    This envious mentality has been successful in the past so part of me wants to hold on to it in the hope that I may be able to perfect my methods of obtaining others envy towards myself.

    .....I will also be once again entering this dreaded cycle of envy.

    Why is the connection to envy a dreaded cycle?
    It seems to be working for you... but for the desire to change it or change tack to compassion.
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    A few comments, thus far:

    First, it's impressive that you want to and are able to analyze your feelings in the way that you are.

    I'm curious -- could you define more your concept of "path of your heart"?

    I am not sure that -- in and of itself -- a degree of envy is a bad thing. Let's say you envy a friend of yours who always seem to be doing good deeds for other people. What do you do with that envy? Feel jealous? Well, something along those lines is not productive. Emulate your friend? That might be beneficial to what you are seeking, because doing good deeds becomes more second nature to your persona.

    @How's statement that: "Becoming more compassionate and loving is moving from a selfish view to a more selfless orientation. To the degree that you let go of your own self first interests is the degree that compassion and love will usually manifest." really gets down to the core of what compassion is. There have been two stories lately about the Pope, one with the child who came upon the stage where the Pope was speaking and just clung to him and would leave, the other of the Pope physically embracing the man who was so disfigured from tumors. Both very outward examples of compassion, with little or no disregard for what he (the Pope) was doing himself.





    banned_crabcvalue
  • What is happening with you during the envy. What are you hoping to achieve? Do you want to be loved or something?
  • banned_crabbanned_crab Veteran
    edited November 2013
    poptart said:

    It seems like every motivation I have is born of envy.

    This realisation in itself is a great deal more than most people achieve.

    This envious mentality has been successful in the past so part of me wants to hold on to it in the hope that I may be able to perfect my methods of obtaining others envy towards myself.

    Shedding old habits is not easy, and stepping away from the need for others' approval and envy is also scary. But through meditation awareness of these egoic thinking patterns will gradually chisel away at its hold over you, and in time you will be able to shift your trust to your own true nature instead of the fickle admiration of others.

    What I think I need to do is realize that the path of the heart is the right and only path. That this path of envy will only breed more envy, it will never free me. But how can I convince myself?

    You won't convince yourself through the intellect because it is controlled by your conditioned thinking patterns which are themselves aligned with the envious society you are living in.

    When you catch yourself in this envious frame of mind, look closely at the person who is the object of your envy. Imagine them sick, or old, or dying. Whatever it is they have that you desire is only fleeting and worthless at the end of the day. Let them have what they have with joy, knowing that it won't last.
    Visualization of the impermanence of what they own dying is effective. Thanks, it will help me realize the impermanence of what they have.
    Jeffrey said:

    What is happening with you during the envy. What are you hoping to achieve? Do you want to be loved or something?

    I can recognize when somebodies admiration towards me is of compassion or of envy. I naturally desire others to be envious towards me but by having this desire I myself only create a cycle of envy, so I also experience the envy. In a sense, what goes around comes around so the more envy I desire and obtain the more I will have to personally experience. Although This is my natural desire Id like to end this cycle because I have realized intellectually that it is ineffective and only hurts me. I want to desire compassion instead, assuming the law that what goes around comes around, I believe that if I genuinely desire compassion than I may be able to experience it as well. My desire for compassion that I hope to obtain is simply because I felt a moment of compassion and realized that it is the right path.
    MaryAnne said:

    I have a question or two for you, @heyimacrab ...

    You have been a member of this forum community for about 6 months, and you have asked nearly a dozen very specific questions about understanding Buddhism and applying it to your life and/or your specific problems.
    Now, there is nothing 'wrong' with that -- many of us ask questions from time to time when things come up in our lives...

    But I'm starting to wonder if you are under the impression that just by asking questions, and getting the (mostly) opinions and anecdotes from others here, who self-identify as Buddhist, is enough to grasp the Practice and apply it to your own life?

    Personally, honestly, I don't believe one can 'learn & understand' Buddhism; the Noble Truths, the 8 Fold Path and Precepts - in a meaningful, and in-depth way - just by questioning people in a forum.
    Yet, on the other hand, I also don't believe the only way to learn and understand Buddhism is to drag yourself through the massive tomes of suttras or suttas, either.

    Buddhism can be profoundly simple, elegant, precise and meaningful - as well as accessible and understandable.

    So I need to ask you, what books - about Buddhism and or meditation - have you yourself actually read?
    I'd like to suggest a few (just off the top of my head) and I'm sure there are many more good, beginner and intermediate books on Buddhism (and meditation) others can recommend as well. :)
    I think reading some books will go a long way towards helping you see 'the big picture' of Buddhism and living the Dharma yourself -- not just asking others how they do it.

    * Start Where You Are; A Guide to Compassionate Living
    * Taking Tea With The Buddha; The Gift of Compassion
    * Buddhism Plain and Simple
    * Modern Buddhism (Volumes 1, 2, and 3) Geshe Kelsang Gyatso

    Sorry I don't list most of the authors. I'm really bad with recalling most authors' names...

    Ive found that reading books about meditation is ineffective. I prefer to read short articles, they offer a lot less to worry about.
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited November 2013
    Sounds good to me. It will be a long battle. So if I get you then you want to be compassionate because it feels good? Try metta meditation??

    Metta,
    Jeffrey
  • banned_crabbanned_crab Veteran
    edited November 2013
    Jeffrey said:

    Sounds good to me. It will be a long battle. So if I get you then you want to be compassionate because it feels good? Try metta meditation??

    Metta,
    Jeffrey

    Yeah Because it feels right.
  • Just work on it. Eventually as you go about your practice it will be like the envy is consumed by fire. You will vomit it right up.

    Stay with your motivation and feel how you want to be more compassionate. Touch on that motivation through your day. This is a wishful prayer and it has power because you will remember it when you have chances to be more compassionate.
    banned_crab
  • I think you should take a good look at what you want out of your life. You say envy has taken you far in life but has it really? Is it what you really really REALLY want to see when you look in the mirror, or are you putting up an image that others will like.

    In short, are you YOU or a sales representative. If you make choices based fully on your true own nature the competitive thoughts and feelings will go away, because if you are expressing yourself the way you are what will you have to lose?

    There would be no secrets, nothing to hide. If people don't like you, that would mean you are just not compatible. In this way it would only be natural to develop compassion because you would not have anything to lose by doing so. Seriously analyse the direction your heading at the moment and ask yourself honestly if you are doing it because you crave the approval of others or if it is genuine, honestly I do this a lot and your mind can be very devious in hiding motives, your love for something or someone might be the craving in disguise.
  • " Ive found that reading books about meditation is ineffective. I prefer to read short articles, they offer a lot less to worry about. "

    Those books I listed were not about meditation- they were about the basics of Buddhism and the Dharma.

    And as for only reading short articles - well (in the words of the ever-annoying Dr. Phil): how's that working for you so far?

  • MaryAnne said:

    " Ive found that reading books about meditation is ineffective. I prefer to read short articles, they offer a lot less to worry about. "

    Those books I listed were not about meditation- they were about the basics of Buddhism and the Dharma.

    And as for only reading short articles - well (in the words of the ever-annoying Dr. Phil): how's that working for you so far?

    Woah93 said:

    I think you should take a good look at what you want out of your life. You say envy has taken you far in life but has it really? Is it what you really really REALLY want to see when you look in the mirror, or are you putting up an image that others will like.

    In short, are you YOU or a sales representative. If you make choices based fully on your true own nature the competitive thoughts and feelings will go away, because if you are expressing yourself the way you are what will you have to lose?

    There would be no secrets, nothing to hide. If people don't like you, that would mean you are just not compatible. In this way it would only be natural to develop compassion because you would not have anything to lose by doing so. Seriously analyse the direction your heading at the moment and ask yourself honestly if you are doing it because you crave the approval of others or if it is genuine, honestly I do this a lot and your mind can be very devious in hiding motives, your love for something or someone might be the craving in disguise.

    you misunderstood everything
  • " you misunderstood everything "


    How so?
    How is recommending reading about the basic principles of Buddhism, (and giving you some titles you may find interesting), regarding your many personal and individual questions as to how other Buddhist do this or that, or reconcile problems in their lives.... misunderstanding everything?
    EvenThirdcvalue
  • howhow Veteran
    How does one become more compassionate and Loving ?

    - By manifesting compassion & love.
    Perhaps a good start would be offering something more than
    "You misunderstood everything"???
    cvaluelobster
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    MaryAnne said:

    " you misunderstood everything "


    How so?
    How is recommending reading about the basic principles of Buddhism, (and giving you some titles you may find interesting), regarding your many personal and individual questions as to how other Buddhist do this or that, or reconcile problems in their lives.... misunderstanding everything?

    Just a reminder that communication is a 2-way street. It can result from inarticulate output, as well as misinterpreted input.

    So MaryAnne asking you to clarify seems logical. I wondered, too.
  • MaryAnne said:

    " you misunderstood everything "


    How so?
    How is recommending reading about the basic principles of Buddhism, (and giving you some titles you may find interesting), regarding your many personal and individual questions as to how other Buddhist do this or that, or reconcile problems in their lives.... misunderstanding everything?

    vinlyn said:

    MaryAnne said:

    " you misunderstood everything "


    How so?
    How is recommending reading about the basic principles of Buddhism, (and giving you some titles you may find interesting), regarding your many personal and individual questions as to how other Buddhist do this or that, or reconcile problems in their lives.... misunderstanding everything?

    Just a reminder that communication is a 2-way street. It can result from inarticulate output, as well as misinterpreted input.

    So MaryAnne asking you to clarify seems logical. I wondered, too.
    This thread is not about MY personal issues alone. It is rather about OUR problem as souls living an illuosry sense of life in a human body. I simply would like to know how to trade my developed envious nature for a compassionate nature. This has nothing to do with my success and failures as an individual. Some of you are too busy concentrating on who you think I am.Whether your perspective of me is false or true is not an issue either. The issue is simply "How does ONE become more compassionate and loving?"
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    Sorry, since your posts in this thread contain the word "I" 27 times, I thought it was about you. My mistake.
    EvenThirdcvalue
  • MaryAnneMaryAnne Veteran
    edited November 2013

    This thread is not about MY personal issues alone. It is rather about OUR problem as souls living an illuosry sense of life in a human body. I simply would like to know how to trade my developed envious nature for a compassionate nature. This has nothing to do with my success and failures as an individual. Some of you are too busy concentrating on who you think I am.Whether your perspective of me is false or true is not an issue either. The issue is simply "How does ONE become more compassionate and loving?"

    * Sorry - the quotation box got screwy. I don't know how to fix it. *


    Rarely does one individual have problems that no one else has... however that said, Let me copy what I said in my first comment in this thread:

    " I have a question or two for you, @heyimacrab ...
    You have been a member of this forum community for about 6 months, and you have asked nearly a dozen very specific questions about understanding Buddhism and applying it to your life and/or your specific problems. Now, there is nothing 'wrong' with that -- many of us ask questions from time to time when things come up in our lives... " (new italics added)

    Before I wrote that, I made sure I wasn't mistaken and/or mixing up people here in the forum, (yea, it happens!) and I went back and looked at all your questions you've asked to start threads. That's how I knew how long you've been here and how many times you've started a thread with a personal anecdote leading into a question about (applying) Buddhism.

    I was taking into consideration all your previous questions regarding so-called 'problems' you were having with applying Buddhism (and in some cases, meditation) to them. Many of the questions were posted in the "Buddhism for Beginners" category.
    This is why I recommended a few books that you may have read to find many answers to your questions... So, I didn't misunderstand anything.

    OR, are we to think now that your personal/anecdotal questions are more for our benefit than yours?
    Are you just testing our knowledge- you know, like giving us pop quizzes?
    Because if that's the case... then I did misunderstand (for a moment there), but now I wonder -- why would you approach conversations like that?


    Added: And as for this comment:
    "Some of you are too busy concentrating on who you think I am."
    I say, Really? That's pretty snippy and a little paranoid, as well.


    EvenThirdcvalue
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