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freak out

edited June 2010 in Meditation
I have been practicing meditation for about a week now, and every time I do it is a new and uplifting experience, completely different to the last. I feel like I'm scraping another layer of dust from my long abandoned mind and discovering new depths.

Last night I attended my first meditation class at my local Buddhism centre and couldn't wait to meditate with others under the guidance of someone experienced.

We talked about Metta and began our meditation by wishing ourselves well, wishing ourselves happiness and wishing an end to our own suffering. It went on, but after I started trying to 'love myself' I burst into tears, came out in a cold sweat, and had what I can only describe as a small break down. I kept it quiet and I don't think anybody but the teacher noticed.

After that I couldn't get back into it, and every time I tried I just started crying again. It was horrible! But afterwards I felt like I had unearthed something, and when I meditated first thing this morning my mind felt much clearer than it has before.

Has anybody else experienced or know of somebody who has experienced such a sudden emotional reaction when meditating? :confused:

Comments

  • edited June 2010
    Can you think back to the experience and recall just what thoughts arose in your mind? I haven't heard of anything like this but would guess that your mind perceived something profound to cause such a reaction.

    Namaste
  • edited June 2010
    Its a bit of a blur now. I remember the crying more than the actual cause. It was something to do with having to wholeheartedly wish myself well. Its not something I find easy.
  • edited June 2010
    Hmm weird. Sorry I can't come up with anything, and haven't heard of anything like this either. I'm sure it'll get resolved though.

    Namaste
  • edited June 2010
    Yes, I have seen that in retreats. In fact, I have seen people totally falling apart in tears during meditation retreats. It isn't all that surprising. Crying releases emotional tension and it typically occurs in reaction to something that is perceived as overpowering, such as profound frustration, sadness, and -occasionally- bliss. The role of meditation in this phenomenon is that it relaxes the mind to a degree where a previously suppressed/subconscious issue can suddenly break through to the surface and cause this feeling of being overwhelmed which in turn causes crying. It's probably worthwhile to investigate the underlying reasons for this feeling. If you say that it has something to do with wishing yourself well and that you don't find that easy (whereas most people do), then you might want to look for some deeper cognitive experience that may have caused this, such as guilt, remorse, self-loathing, insecurity, inferiority,etc.

    Cheers, Thomas
  • edited June 2010
    Well one thing is for sure, I feel amazing today after 'letting it all out'. I can't wipe the smile off my face.
  • GuyCGuyC Veteran
    edited June 2010
    Well one thing is for sure, I feel amazing today after 'letting it all out'. I can't wipe the smile off my face.
    Great! It was obviously beneficial that you faced this feeling of unworthiness and saw through it. Its just a feeling, its not permanent, you can go beyond it and it looks like you have. It may or may not resurface later on because, for something to create that kind of reaction, it seems that you have been carrying it around for a while. But if it does resurface, it probably won't be so intense next time and eventually it won't arise again. This is what meditation is all about.

    Well done! :)
  • patbbpatbb Veteran
    edited June 2010
    yes, i believe this is fairly common to.

    Many people cry in retreats, even sometime for reasons you just cannot think of... you just feel like crying, letting it all out, and it is good.

    we didn't even know there was anything like this to let out, but once you begin to meditate, you scratch the protective shell that you have been building to cover and hide whats inside, and you begin to see whats truly inside of you.

    don't worry too much about it. Things that were building up inside are being released. this is good.
  • JetsFan366JetsFan366 Explorer
    edited June 2010
    That sounds like an all around great experience - the experience then the resolution.
    If I may offer a piece of advice - I experienced similar things at the beginning of my practice (about 6 months ago). The bliss and the bubbling up of emotions. One thing that I wasn't prepared for though was, what I call, the end of the honeymoon phase. I had come to expect the great feelings from meditation, and when they started to subside and I began to feel restless, bored and agitated when I meditated, it was startling and discouraging. But I realized that I had fallen into a bit of a trap and became too attached to the good feelings.

    If this doesn't happen to you, that's wonderful. If it does, stick with it, accept it, and keep going.

    best -
    twaitsfan
  • seeker242seeker242 Zen Florida, USA Veteran
    edited June 2010
    cnairne wrote: »
    Has anybody else experienced or know of somebody who has experienced such a sudden emotional reaction when meditating? :confused:

    Yes and yes :) It's not that unusual actually. But, isn't it interesting that yesterday it was horrible and today it's great? Funny how things can change so quickly!
  • edited June 2010
    cnairne wrote: »
    Has anybody else experienced or know of somebody who has experienced such a sudden emotional reaction when meditating? :confused:

    Yes, I have. I've nearly cried a couple of times in class, and once practicing at home I did burst into tears.

    I'm not usually a particularly expressive person, however, so partly I think it's the mental relaxation allowing stuff I've held onto out. I've certainly read that it can sometimes happen during meditation, so I wasn't too freaked out by it.
  • lightwithinlightwithin Veteran
    edited June 2010
    I wish I was so in touch with myself and my feelings for this to happen to me. I mostly feel flat (emotionally) and half dead. I think it's part of my condition. So sad.
  • edited June 2010
    Yes. I have cried many times before when I really realized that I'm worth loving. I've also cried during meditation, though usually not so much crying as tearing up. Like the other day I noticed the sun coming in through my window while I was meditating and I cried because it was so beautiful. I think it's just the contrast...like, when I'm feeling really closed up and fearful or whatever, I can at least take heart that when I finally do wake up a little again, it'll feel wonderful. :) Seems to happen most of the time in grocery stores. I walk in and see all the people going about their business and feel compassion and sympathetic joy for them, and I tear up and it's just so great an experience. And I've never been to a temple, but I have a feeling the first time I go I will cry because I will feel welcomed. I think I've just built up so much ill-will towards myself over the years that it will take quite some time to reverse it...but I guess until then I can enjoy all the crying! :) Anyway, I'm glad you're feeling so good and I hope it only gets better!
  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    edited June 2010
    Such reactions are quite common, and suggest that your practice is proving effective.
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