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Is Wanting Something 'Better' Always Bad
FairyFeller
Veteran
I keep reading how wanting something better is a bad thing, that wanting to change something in life will not make me any happier.
Am I interpreting it wrong?
I can understand it with buying stuff, buying the later gadget won't make me any happier but marking certain life changes can make a difference to happiness?
Am I interpreting it wrong?
I can understand it with buying stuff, buying the later gadget won't make me any happier but marking certain life changes can make a difference to happiness?
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Comments
But Buddhism suggests we keep an eye on such things -- not disdain or elevate, just keep an eye on them. What actually happens? Is what was imagined as "better" actually better? Is an "improvement" purely an improvement? These are not rhetorical questions in which one person knows the answer and another does not. They are questions that practicing Buddhists answer for themselves ... assuming a serious answer is sought.
Wanting something better for yourself or your family is not a bad thing in itself. However, if wanting something better starts to interfere with your life or the lives and happiness of your family- THEN there's something to think about. That is something that needs to be addressed as a form of attachment and cravings.
For example, you want to better your life by making more money for material things for you and your family. Well, that's not 'bad'... some level of ambition and worth ethic is needed for us to get out of bed every morning and go to work, right?
But let's say you start working 50+ hrs a week. That overtime is great for the extra $$ - but it's taking time away from your family and other responsibilities you share with your spouse. You need to balance that out.
Is it a short term goal you are working towards? Not too bad, because soon you'll be back to sharing time with family. Or has this craving for $$ turned into something that is going on and on? How does your partner feel about it? What are you ignoring or neglecting to pursue this extra $$?
See what I'm saying? Balance. And the wisdom to know what's really important in your life- a few extra material things -- or time spent with your family or partner?
As for any change, it can not be avoided. Change is what Life is about. Nothing is permanent, not even death! ;-) Just try to keep a balance in life and prioritize the wants vs needs for happiness.
Our health is included in that, and often one area we greatly overlook and take for granted. Over the past 2 years I've spent a lot of time being grateful for a healthy mind and body, as I watch my grandma struggle with significant health problems. But even when reflecting on that, I wasn't as far along as I thought, lol. It does help every time you do something, to think about how lucky you are to be able to do it or for what you have, no matter what it is. I blew out my knee a few days ago, and I have more appreciation for good mobility now than I did a week ago. Now I have to have my husband help me get in and out of the shower, in and out of bed, and in and out of the car. It's also a time I'm thankful for the people in my life who can help me with such things, because if I lived alone I don't know what I'd do. It's easy to try to be grateful for some things. Other things, not so much until you no longer have them. It's a good lesson
I am thinking about changing jobs even though I have only had my current job for twelve months and it was a job I thought I'd been aiming towards. 10 years ago when I first thought about Buddhism my career path consisted of finding an easier, more impressive job for more money. I decided on finding the 'Right Livelihood' and became obsessed with it and lost the time to think about my spiritual path. After following a few turns down the career path, working every hour I could I graduated from University into a nursing career in a busy Emergency Department a job a lot of my class mates wanted but for me it was just another job. It's fast, furious and dramatic, a lot of people want the job for this reason but I'm still in a place where I am too tired for my spiral path and it gets in the way of my home life. I'm thinking about trading it in for a nursing job that some would see as mundane by comparison but it would allow me regular hours, this in turn would allow me to develop routine allowing me to focus on my life and not my work.
I seem to have what a lot of my peers want but in turn I want what they have but I think my reasons have the right motivation.
It's all very well helping save the life of somebody stabbed in the head by being part if the team stitching them up but being by the bedside of someone who's recovering from cancer surgery who can't sleep and want's to talk about their fears is just as important. I find the instant fix of emergency nursing less of what I am about and the being there for the patient is the type of nurse I am.
The whole trying to be something I am not is in danger of taking over my life. This actually raises another question for myself, am I making a change by altering my career path or am I actually trying to change myself by forcing myself to stay on the path I am already on.
when I first got the job I thought I wanted nothing more then to do investigations.. it was "cool" and was the "best" job.. after two years I wanted out, it felt like all I was about was numbers and I lost the feeling of dealing with the people. I'm back in permanency now dealing with a million little silly things, it's a harder job.. but the connection to people is more rewarding. I have a little section of my pod that I hang up all the cards I've gotten and the things children make/give me.
Even though I know I can't change anyone and I make little to no difference in these peoples lives, there is that once in a while time where you can help someone that makes it feel like the job is worth it.
Fiddling with an arising "want" by either suppressing it or grasping onto it is a risky business.
Do that and in no time, wanting will evolve into suffering.
For me, the real question is not whether the object was worthy or not of my wanting but have I transformed it into an
attachment or not.
His problem was of suffering or dissatisfaction.
He had a burning question and desired a solution to this problem of suffering.
We have to work with desire. There is no way to escape it. We have to choose desires that are beneficial to ourselves and others. From a Buddhist point of view it isn't that desire is the problem but rather our relationship to desire. We should cultivate healthy desires and we should understand the motivations for such desires.
But ultimately the notion of there being a better situation is a facade or dream. There is always a dreamed better situation and we usually look towards quick solutions to fix the surface level problem. And there isn't anything wrong with that as it is human and normal to try and alleviate problems.
But really what Buddhism is asking us is to examine the underlying causes/conditions which in turn give the perception of suffering.
To many a baseline of positive qualities and equanimity is needed such as a healthy, moderately good lifestyle where food and material problems are not an issue. For others they join the monastery. And for some no conditions are necessary and the full journey is made in their lives as they are.
So the interesting thing about desire is that it in itself isn't a problem. But what desire calls us to is the basic problem of dissatisfaction. And until we are absolutely dissatisfied with every single thing in our lives, well that means most of us won't really practice and investigate what Buddhadharma is pointing to.
We too must have our hearts wrecked open and we too must see how we try to make a ground to create some sort of temporary stage of happiness. And we too must see how there is a path and goal that leads to ultimate happiness. Not an escape from life but freedom in life itself.
Best wishes.
I aspire to being a Buddhist . . . and being happy. What will achieve that for each of us is different. I aspire for others to have life basics, do I do enough to make this happen? No.
As a Westerner, I have choices and luxury, even if quite poor. Work out what is important. For example being kind is a great wealth.
Wish you had more or less?
http://www.freecycle.net/
My brother in law was showing off his two new Hd 3d Tv's over Xmas. Very nice.
I love quality consumerism as much as the next gadget fiend. I would say they are not 'must haves'. Other things are more important . . . like the ability to overcome the tendency to 'must have' . . . .
@FairyFeller -- Hold that thought! Consider it from the patient's point of view. Every hospital stay, whether dramatic or pedestrian, is a death trap for the patient -- a reminder of what ordinary life implicitly or explicitly holds at bay ... you are in a cell, under the control of others, with no friendly pictures on the wall or dust in the corner. The bland sameness is unremitting and speaks in very specific ways of mortality and uselessness. And under such circumstances, who wouldn't give a lot for a friendly smile, a dirty joke, a bit of conversation about sports or the kids ... something human and humane?
Nope, you won't get a gold star and you probably won't get a pay raise ... but what you will get is better.
LOL Shame on you, @Jayantha!