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What I do is this. It works really, really good! Everyone at one point or another encounters other people who are irritating, annoying, people that you don't like that much, perhaps people that you really don't like, maybe even people that you hate, etc, etc.karasti said:
To learn to put myself in another's shoes. All the moments that cause me anger, frustration, and so on can be almost entirely alleviated by putting myself in that person's position, to think what their growing up was like, that their fears are, and so on.
""From inappropriate attention you're being chewed by your thoughts. Relinquishing what's inappropriate, contemplate appropriately."So if you encounter a person who is annoying, irritating, etc. This is what you do. You imagine what that person is going to feel when they get old, when they get sick, when they really start dying. You imagine what that person is going to feel when they are on their deathbed. You imagine that person dying of cancer or some similar ailment. You imagine what that person is going to think and feel when they finally realize that they are going to die soon and they can't do anything about it. You see them lying in there in their hospital bed, crying their eyes out, with their whole family doing the same, because they don't want to die. So much suffering there. If you can conjure up this imagery you can tap into that underlying genuine concern and bring it to the forefront thereby shifting your focus of attention from what is "inappropriate" to what is "appropriate". It's like pulling a weed out of the garden the moment it sprouts up. When the weed has just sprouted, it's quite easy to uproot. The roots are very shallow and it comes right out. But if you let the weed sit there and grow for a while, the roots grow deeper, become more established and it becomes more difficult to uproot it. The trick is to uproot it as soon as it sprouts. This of course requires "right mindfulness" or the ability to remember to do this as soon as the weed sprouts up.
"With regard to internal factors, I don't envision any other single factor like appropriate attention as doing so much for a monk in training, who has not attained the goal but remains intent on the unsurpassed safety from bondage. A monk who attends appropriately abandons what is unskillful and develops what is skillful.
"There are objects causing aversion; frequently giving unwise attention to them — this is the nourishment for the arising of ill-will that has not yet arisen, and for the increase and strengthening of ill-will that has already arisen.
"There is the liberation of the heart by loving-kindness; frequently giving wise attention to it — this is the denourishing of the arising of ill-will that has not yet arisen, and the decrease and weakening of ill-will that has already arisen."