Welcome home! Please contact firstname.lastname@example.org
if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations
must be manually approved which may take up to 48 hours. Can't log in?
Try clearing your browser's cookies.
Compassion towards abusive men?
So I have been struggling with something. I come from a long line of abusive men. My grandfather beat my grandmother and did such horrible things as playing Russian roulette with a .38 to her head more times than she could count. My father used to fight my mother as well, although she held her own. So I have always had some negative feelings toward them (the men). I have been trying to find compassion toward them because i want to let negativity go and just love.
My grandmother left my grandfather years ago and just disappeared. So since that time I haven't spoken to him or her. I got married to my wife and time went on. Recently we bought a house and have a really good life, so i decided to get in touch with them. I had my grandfather come over this weekend and we hugged and talked for a bit. He offered to help with things around my house if needed. I have realized that i can forgive him and love him but it feels wrong. almost as if I am betraying the women who took care of me ( he beat her and my mom when she was little). I then decided that day to call my grandmother. I had a long talk with her and she was ecstatic that i called. I found out that the reason she never contacted us (i have a little sister too) is that she thought we were mad that she left my grandfather. which is stupid to think but you gotta remember that she is for lack of a better word a "broken" woman. I let her know that she was totally wrong and i always wondered why she didn't leave him earlier. Now she says that she thinks its good that my grandfather and I are talking but i still feel guilt. It is a confusing feeling to forgive someone but feel guilty about that forgiveness.
I guess i'm trying to work all this out and i'd like to know other peoples thoughts on compassion and forgiveness as it would pertain to Buddhism and these types of issues. (i know i cant be the only one)