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Confusion
Pollyanna83
Explorer
As I look back on my experience with Buddhism and meditation, Ive notice a trend in increased confusion! This may sound completely silly to some, but for me it's frightening because I don't know where to rest my mind. I can't find roots in anything. I have not had a teacher over the years and have attempted to go down this path alone. It seems the only place I've gotten is to a point that I'm so frightened to experience the fear and confusion that I have been, that I'm loosing desire to go into this any further. Maybe some of you can relate? Maybe I need a teacher to help me push past this point in my practice?
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Comments
Try not to beat yourself up too much if possible.
Rest in refuge.
Trees have roots in earth but earth itself is spinning in space... roots are in my opinion somewhat overrated.
If you were not to go into it further, what would you do instead?
Try that and see how it goes - you'll have a comparison atleast.
A teacher may well be able to assist but equally this could be the point where you call upon yourself to push on with your practice.
Vipassana/Vipashnaya is impossible without detailed and thorough going instruction.
Almost certainly what you have been practising has nothing to do with Vipassana.
This however is easily remedied...Vipassana instruction is now widely available.
My post is not about whether you should find a teacher or not. It's just about confusion.
Confusion is often just noticing things that you formally glossed over.
There is nothing wrong with confusion. It's the practioners who are "certain" that really
have the potential for screwing up.
Confusion is just next thing for you to meditate within. Accept that it has the right to be what it is and treat it as you would any other phenomena in meditation.
Meditation is actually an invitation to your ego to bring all his/her identity building blocks to the table. Your practice is to just stop share playing with those blocks.
I once had an experience that blew my socks off. It left me literally laughing and crying at the same time. The experience was as full-on as being hit by a bus. I called my mother and told her about it as best I could, which was not very well. She was cool as a cucumber: "Don't worry," she said, "the ego is just scared. Take back some dirt. Watch television or something."
I'm not suggesting that what worked for me will work for you. I am suggesting that there is nothing saying you can't give things a rest for a while -- back away from whatever it is that you call "Buddhism." Just give it a rest. Stop trying. Get a quart of Ben & Jerry's and kick back. If scared and confused is what you are, why would you be unwilling to honor that situation? You're a smart cookie ... honor yourself. If Buddhism can't get along without you for a while, well, it's probably not worth the price of admission anyhow. Give yourself an intermission. Regather your ducks and then line them up when you feel more comfortable about doing it.
Just thinking out loud.
You are lucky to have a mind. We did not know we had a mind. Confused? We were so confused we did not know where we where.
You need a rock as a teacher (not to be confused with The Pop-e) Consider its ways. How it sits.
Would it be a form of medicine?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medicine_wheel
No? What form?
In a deep sense a Pollyanna attitude or fluffy bunny positivism can and I stress can mask underlying 'stuff' [a technical term].
For me martial arts exercise and Guru Rinpoche dissipates the arising of body fear, where the act of sitting may bring them up in the early years. That is what works for me.
What will work for you? You are a smart cookie and I feel you have an emerging plan?
:wave:
It's just possible that it has wanted and unwanted results known only to those who have tried it.
In fact of all the forms of meditation found on books and videos etc Vipassana is THE one not to attempt without hands on instruction. It's is the one most likely to have unintentional consequenceswhich cannot simply be adjusted by trial and error and making 'mistakes'.
This is just my take. As I say, I have no known experience of "Vipassana." Feel free to chalk me up as a blowhard.
I've found meditation allows me to see things, my surroundings, my attachments, my perceptions, from a very different angle. I learn to let go of long-held beliefs and perceptions, or at least realize that they're open to question. It's disconcerting, but I realize that when I had the certainty and confidence it was actually unsupported/misplaced. The confusion was higher then, but I didn't know it. Now that I see, it feels like I'm flying, floating, but the secure-feeling airplane that used to surround me was illusory.
Personally, I keep teachers at a distance. I don't have a guru, or the the right personality to tolerate one. I love dialogue and conversation, and I love to read on my own, but I also love the freedom to step back, explore other paths, or sit still.
However for those who want to practice Vipassana instruction is absolutely vital.
Only those who have no personal experience of Vipassana at depth would claim differently.
There are practices , like Samantha/ Shine or The Brahma Viharas which can be practised without instruction, but Vipassana is not of that nature.
i´m anexperienced arhant and i would like to recommend you the Pali-Canon, the basic buddhist literature. There the Eightfold Path gives you relistic instructions and in the 8Jhanas you can control your progress on the path.
This method of Gotamo Buddho is being prooven by millions of people, successfully.
Pali-Kanon is not the original but it´s the most original buddhist literature that is available to us. Try to get a translation with a highly qualified translator, this might help you best.
sakko
Please PM me for applications & licensing fees.
I am sure we are all familiar with the havoc which can be wreaked by amateurish arahants...heaven forfend.