Quarter Life Crisis
Mingle
Veteran
Hi NB me again. I know I just seem to put up negative posts on here and it must be exhausting seeing them but I do really appreciate your replies and you are a friendly, wise and down to earth bunch. I'd just like to trouble you for a bit more wisdom though.
I'm 26 and I'm at a crossroad in my life. Life has not turned out how I planned, It all seemed so simple when I was an ignorant teen and all I cared about was partying. Now though I feel life expects so much of me and I cant deliver, the years just feel like they are wizzing by so quick with no real excitement anymore.
I'm currently still at home with my dad and younger brother and I don't drive, I have realized that I need to get serious about my future so I've been taking an electrical installation course. Meanwhile I'm working in a shop to pay the bills and for my course. I know there is lots for me to do but I just can't find the motivation yet I battle with the fear of becoming 30 and not achieving anything.
Maybe its all part of my spiritual journey as I know we just move from one desire to the next and I can see it for what it is; Just the longing for meaning in my life. I feel like water, just still and stagnating.
My 20's has been a time for really finding out who I am and looking deeper into things, this isnt all good though as it has distorted what I thought my life was all about.
Yunno the move out get a job, get a car, get married, have kids and that ol shpill.
As young women seem to be these days I don't even feel marriage is in the cards for me (I don't mean to offend by this), I just don't see what is so great about it.
So my worldview and expectations have just been discarded and I'm left wondering where I fit in with everything and trying to find something that will give me passion and meaning. Right now its just same shit different day
Comments
Paragraphing is your friend.
( Moderator note: Taken care of.)
Did you not go to college? If not, why not? What have you been doing since you graduated from highschool? Take a look at your local community college program offerings to see if there's anything there that appeals to you.
I am at college. I didn't go when I left school though. I wont lie I have wasted alot of time which Is why I'm so freaked out now.
Freaking out does nothing to help the situation. Instead, take full advantage of opportunities you have now to put yourself on a solid course for a better future. Study hard. Get internships to give yourself experience and an attractive resume for when it's time to apply for jobs in your field. Internships or other relevant job experience are key to employability these days.
You're on the right track. Stay focused. There's nothing to worry about, since you're already on a constructive path. Make the most of it.
P.S. Do your studies and career goals not give your life meaning? If not, why not? Have you chosen a course you're not interested in? You can choose to imbue your career, or life in general, with meaning. It's up to you.
Also, examine your conventional and conditioned need to accumulate materialistic advantages, and ask yourself, in comparison to others who have such things, how happy it will make you.
@Mingle
If our suffering in life is caused from our attachments, can you observe from your opening post what your dominating attachments might be?
Until one actually starts addressing our subjugation to our own attachments,
existence will only offer various expressions of suffering.
Any ideas on how to stop creating and maintaining one's attachments?
Yes you are right about the meaning bit. Motivation has always been an issue with me, work has always been something that I've done because I have to do it not because I want to do it.
I need passion but my god that's not easy to find. I thought being an electrician was my passion at one point but I find studying to be just as much a chore as everything else. Have you found your passion at all? if so I'd love to hear what it is and how you found it. Can meditation help me find passion?
It seems everyone else is motivated by money, children, partying, the opposite sex but I just can't find what makes me wanna jump out of bed in the morning. I mean I'm in my 20's and this is my prime, this is when I'm supposed to do the serious grinding.
I don't think I am in the minority at least. Today it seems like 20's are the new teens as it is much more accepted to still be living at home and the youth is taking longer to grow up, so in that case perhaps I am doing the right thing. As I said my 20's has been when I have really turned my focus inwards and have learned much about my self and I'm still learning where I fit in to everything. Perhaps my 30's will be when I have everything figured out and I can start grinding with purpose. Maybe.... I hope. If 20's is the new teens 30's could be the new 20's.
I am rambling lol, thanks for your input though.
It sounds like you fell in with the wrong crowd in highschool, and still haven't found your way out of that type of scene yet. Everyone else is motivated by partying? I never knew anyone who was into partying when I was in college. My recent college grad friends and relatives similarly are not, nor ever were, into partying. There's a whole world out there you need to open your eyes to, that could be a source of inspiring friends.
It sounds like you haven't found something that speaks to you, OP. And yeah, they say that electrical work is a "trade", and therefore not heavy on the intellectual side, but there's a lot of science that goes into learning to be a good electrician. And building codes, etc. etc. TONS of math involved in getting your journeyman's license, for better pay options.
Nothing much worth having comes easily in life, OP. If you want to make a decent living, study is required. It sounds like you missed an opportunity to develop discipline and good study habits in highschool, so you're feeling lost now, in college. Go visit your college's tutoring center to get help organizing your studies and developing an m.o. , a discipline.
Good luck! Your life got off on the wrong foot, that's all. You can fix that, if you really want to. Where there's a will, there's a way. Do you have the will?
Do complete the electric installation course, it will be a very useful string to your bow. What are the possibilities once you've completed it? I got a job as an electrician with a small firm when I completed my course years ago, later I went self-employed. It's quite cool being a sparks, you can talk technical and play with live wires!
Can you afford to take driving lessons or whatever? That will increase both job opportunities and your independence.
How about some new interests or hobbies, is there anything that appeals? Or is a holiday or retreat a possibility?
Yeah, sometimes it is SSDD, but every day is a new day and things do change.
Take on step at the time, do the best with what you have right now.
Its always two things that makes us suffer.
1) We have one thing that we dont want to have.
2) We dont have this thing that we want.
solution:
Can you do something about it?
1)Yes, so start now and try to find out a way out of the situation
2) No, so stop complaining and try to be a friend with it.
To change a situation you have to start small, and use your endurance, courage and see it in a positive perspective..
Only a happy mind can change a situation to the better.
so Good luck!
And in case you're feeling a bit sorry for yourself....
Lol I cant wait to start wait to start talking like that when I'm that age. Think I'll exaggerate just a bit for fun. Whilst there cooking roast dinners with there IPhones.
I hate to be that guy but you don't know how long you will be alive so it could be a mid life crisis or you could die tomorrow.
Whatever you are going to do perhaps now is a good time.
I know a guy who was directionless and completely confused about his direction in life. He then traveled to Asia, lived as a Buddhist Monk for a while and almost committed to a Monastery because wordly life just made no sense to him. But then he came back to America and seemingly magically chanced upon the love of his life. To my great astonishment, they are now getting married.
Love conquers all.
Thus have I heard.
... and now back to sparks ...
'N nothing is waste, unless you throw it away. So I've heard.
And if all else fails there is ice-cream...
You mentioned you still live at home. Have you ever left? Has home always been the same place? Have you ever traveled, experienced things you didn't grow up with? Often time people feel stuck because they haven't bothered to move around. The key to getting unstuck isn't to sitting more and thinking about why you are stuck-it's to get up and move. Do something different, meet new people, learn something new. Life is more than getting a job, paying for a home and car and paying bills until you retire. You seem to be at a point in life where your responsibilities to others are minimal, or nonexistent. You are lucky. Life is not pressuring you, only you are pressuring yourself. The society we live in has standards that are not worth living up to. Create your own.
Don't fall for the trap that tells you success is in a job that allows you to buy stuff you still can't afford so you are forever stuck with a job. It's an ugly circle and there is far more to life than that. There are other ways. Sometimes, we have to do things we don't like to get where we want to go. But your destination doesn't have to be the same as everyone else's.
Going to college and taking on debt, then getting a job to pay for that debt, and taking on even more debt to get a car and apartment/home so you can get to the job you need to pay for the college debt...there is more to life. Find your something more.
Yes, even if they are small moves...leads to more. Nice post, @karasti.
I've been learning about those small moves ever since my heart surgery June 30, 2014.
Sometimes (sometimes) those fools that rush in...aren't so foolish. Unless they are.
@Mingle Hope this doesn't sound, umm, patronizing... but you're only 26. And you've stepped out on a path to a career. The stuff that seems, oh so important (driver's license, car, own place to live, etc. etc.), will sort itself out in time. When I was your age, I had 'obtained' some of the things that seem so important to you now, but I really didn't know squat. I still don't know squat, lol.
I'd say concentrate on your studies, and try to fit in the things like the driver's license, car and own flat as you can. As far as the life partner goes, you'll most likely meet someone that is compatible in due time.
Probably the most important thing is that you are questioning what's really important in life. In today's society there's so much emphasis on money, consumerism, and fleeting experiences. Really, what you need for your material body (food, shelter, medicine) seems to just work itself out. The same can't be said for your spirit. I think you've started to figure that out much earlier than the average person.
All the best to you in the challenges you face ahead!
P.S. My wife is also an electrician, she didn't get her journeyman's ticket until she was 31. It's funny how many Sparkies that you meet in passing
Here's what I wish I'd known when I was 26:
Where you are right now matters very little. Really. What matters is where you want to go. What would you truly like to do (not what do you think you SHOULD do)? If you could wave a magic wand, what would the mature, wise component of your psyche wish for? What would your life be like 26 years from now?
Then start.
Yes, it can be a bit of a shock... [groan]