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Hello all, new to the site, I come seeking guidance. Thanks in advance for any and all help.
I've recently reached a point in my meditation practice where I've become very aware that the self isn't real. There's a growing understanding of this thing that calls itself "I" and the extent to which it is and always has been in the driver's seat. There is this sensation now of being in an almost continual state of observation. There is a sense of watching the self go about its days and not directly identifying it. There was a period of about 3 days where there was an experience of "egolessness." The self, predictably, tried to hold onto this experience and reverted right back to egocentricity. Now I let this sense of observation come and go; even that cannot be held onto.
I believe I'm at kind of a crossroads here. My awareness is increasing daily but the self remains. There have been a couple times where I believe I have experienced the "void" or nothingness. Each time I have turned away, I have not embraced it fully. I'm concerned of what's on the other side, and the mind is fearful. I don't know if this is "enlightenment," a form of mental illness (schizophrenia, depersonalization/derealization), and of course I'm concerned I will actually die if I let go into presence completely. There is nothing for the mind to hold onto and I predict it will dissolve.
How best to face these fears? How do I know if I'm moving in a positive direction?