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A chōka

VimalajātiVimalajāti Whitby, Ontario Veteran
edited October 16 in Arts & Writings

Inspired by @adamcrossley, I decided to post a poem of my own.

Pain without the pained.
Deeds without their doing-man.
Peace, not a one calmed.
Not what is “wanted”, dreamt of.
Instead: peace and calm,
deeds and the fame following,
the ending of pain,
with the lingering of me
to enjoy it: what’s “wanted”.

Comments

  • federicafederica seeker of the clear blue sky Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    (Looked up "chōka; ...hmmm... a multitude of definitions...!)

  • VimalajātiVimalajāti Whitby, Ontario Veteran
    edited October 16

    It's not the strictest chōka! It mostly just has the 5-7-5-7-5-7-5-7-7 syllable structure.

    The kireji is meant to fall on "Instead:", my meagre attempt at authenticity O.o

    ...but that's not even the way they are supposed to work. The "cutting word" is supposed to create a natural pause in the rhythm. Instead, I have a pause at "dreamt of." and a kireji on "Instead:". Alas! =)

    paulyso
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