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Anger
Today, I was driving to the park with my girlfriend, and somebody was riding my butt. I "voiced" my annoyance out loud and quickly realized that it wasn't something to get worked up about. I told her that little things like that aren't worth getting upset about, but she felt that it's unhealthy to not let out your anger.
How can I justify being mad at anything, when it is only a momentary state of existence, or mad at anyone, who are all the same as myself?
How can we let out anger, I ask, in such a way that is both healthy, and mindful?
How can I justify being mad at anything, when it is only a momentary state of existence, or mad at anyone, who are all the same as myself?
How can we let out anger, I ask, in such a way that is both healthy, and mindful?
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Comments
Jeez, I didn't think that aggressive drivers were that awful.
We should transform it, into compassion. For ourselves and for others.
Anger is the one thing the Buddha told us it was right to kill.
But killing in itself would pre-suppose sufficient anger to kill...So we should generate the concept that the only way to 'kill' anger, is to over-ride it and replace it with a more positive and generous attitude.
Just as you did.
I see your girlfriend's point, but the more you make Effort to transform Anger, the less it will arise.
understanding and transforming anger is really..key...
not my way..but it's the best way...
try this, every time you are angry enough..take note, and do 50 push ups.
eventually you will be such a beast..trust me after a good workout, anger fades, and what you have left is a wonderful high..and a sexy body. Then when you are making sweet love to your girlfriend, you can remind her, this sexy body is because of that asshole who cut me off,..and you will both love that guy...:D
Great advice Found
If you did it right, the anger should vanish and you should experience a moment of clear-seeing. You've just discovered the root that keeps anger from transforming naturally into a source of wisdom. Anger, more than any other emotion, triggers our resistance to reality as it is; although we think what we are angry about is the external circumstance, really we are angry at having to experience anger at all. At the heart of this resistance is the deep-seated belief that life should be pain-free. Buddhism is about transcending this tendency to avoid all negative emotions and cling to all positive emotions. When you accept your anger, it dissolves and automatically turns into a source of wisdom. You can see what is bothering you and its solution without resorting to blaming, stubbornness or violence.
The next time you are angry look at your mind and ask, where did the anger come from. Not what is the reason for your anger, but what is its cause. If you look at your thoughts, they just pop into your mind with no seeming cause. If the other person's action was the cause of your anger, then everyone who finds themselves in the same situation as you would also become angry, and we know this is not the case.
Failing to find the cause, where is your anger now? Does anger, or any other thought or emotion have a location? Is your mind one thing and the anger another, is the anger in your mind, like a person is in a building? If that is the case, the anger is one thing and the mind another, so how could it affect your mind? If the anger is outside the mind, the same question applies. If the anger is your mind, how could you be aware of it? It would be like your face, invisible to you unless you look in a mirror.
When you release your anger, where does it go? If you hold it in, where does it stay? Do metaphors like this make any sense?
If you combine this sort of analysis with the practice of meditation, one day you may come to a remarkable discovery: neither you nor your thoughts have any reality. And that will be the final answer to your problem with anger.
*namaste*
I recommend a wonderful book by Pema Chodron called Practicing Peace in Times of War. It has helped me immensely with realizing that anger only hurts me and does nothing to the person I'm angry with. It truly epitomizes what the Buddha said...
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
Amazing advice for anger on this thread!
I copied both Glow's and Jinzang's to keep and use for myself. Awesome advice!
I realized how ridiculous that was and it made me angry that I was really angry at my self...
after that I just got confused and was defeated by myself..
hence I gained a victory .
I am an angry person. God knows I have tried A LOT of different things. So far I have tried (with low to moderate success):
*Slowing down my breath;
*Tonglen;
*Any sort of activity that stops the mental chatter; (I noticed that the whole mental chatter of '100 ways in which I could get back to that person' only gives rise to more angry feelings, so I came to the conclusion that from a certain point I am just making myself angry);
*Stop the name-calling (by that I mean thinking that the person is evil incarnate - does everybody think of that person like that? is he or she always like this? is this situation playing a part? how would I react if I were on his or her shoes?);
*Talking about it with someone;
*Being reasonable (ok this person said I have two noses, but do I really have two noses?);
*You will notice that even when the person is right, you agree with them, if you know their intentions were bad you will still be raving mad with anger. I haven't found a good solution for this one but I am full of theories. x-)
I think when we know someone wants to harm us for amusement, to con us or in order to feel they are great (this is an extreme scenario, but it does happen) it is time to just to tell them to take a hike, really. If by some reason you can't do that at the moment or for a while then you have to accept the whole situation as a fact of life and find ways to move on. Try to focus more on the situation as a whole than the person itself and in what you can do to change.
If you get stuck on a fact of life, and by that I mean a situation from which you can't run or hide, the important thing is to keep moving. You will most likely continue to feel bad, but don't let that stop you from feeling good at the same time. I know it's weird and hard to explain, but it works moderately well (Am I just encouraging myself now? :P)
Yes indeed.
When fierce anger arises and you notice the intensity of the feeling that is there, just place your awareness with breathing... and completely relax into the anger. It disappears.
In many situations when one can become suddenly angry, there simply isn't time to start conducting an in-depth analysis of the anger, so in my own experience, I've found that paying attention to the breath can be more suitable in the short term.
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Now I thought it sounded silly, but when I caught myself getting angry, I followed his advice and guess what?
I smiled at the silliness of following the instructions and the power of the anger dissipated. It worked. But there's loads to the book, so may I suggest Amazon and don't follow my advice which is given from memory.
Raven