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love..
any advice for the pain and joy experienced in 'love'?
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My advice is:
For the joy - just enjoy them
For the pain - refer to above
Oh wait...can't do that anymore.
Enjoy the ride....it goes up...and it goes down.
Both are self-inflicted.
Love with attachment, will always cause pain of some degree for the joy can not last for ever.......and will come and go.
Something like, "It's amazing how closely the traits of love resemble the traits of insanity."
When you experience it - it's gonna hurt. Damned if I know why - but it will.
-bf
Palzang
EWWWWWWW! :zombie:
Palzang
My advice would be to cultivate dispassion towards pleasnt, painful and neutral feelings in an effort to abandon both resistance to the painful and passion for the pleasant. In that way, whatever arises in the mind will inevitably cease to be a cause for suffering. Not that this is as easy as it may sound mind you.
Regards,
Jason
oh, yeah, and enjoy the ride--it's your life.
LMAO!!
Celebrin,
I second Palzang and Elohim, but then again, I'm finished with romantic love. You may have more to explore in that area. But if you follow Elohim's advice your suffering may be less.
One more little thing: Affairs of the heart hurt so much because they're not actually of the heart, they're of the ego. Nothing hurts more than our damned egos. Nothing. I was sick for years over lost love until I figured out it was my ego making me suffer. Remember, shit happens. People get dumped. People break up with their lovers. It happens all the time. Shit will happen to you. Say "So what? No big deal, eh?" and go on.
people have connections to one another. romantic, platonic, and all the other varieties matter. love matters. of course, love can hurt. in my little experience, love hurts more than it doesn't, but that doesn't make it NOT worthwhile. it's part of our human experience, part of what it means to be alive.
my ideal is not the ideal of the isolated monastic, devoted only to being awake among those who have the same goals. my ideal is to be engaged in the world, encounter people who are different from myself, and yet, still have my ideal of being AWAKE. the burden is on me, and no one else. I am responsible for my life, just as each of you are responsible for your lives. being responsible, however, does not necessarily mean being hermetically sealed, romantically, sexually, or in any other way.
being engaged also means being present for others. being in a romantic relationship does not necessarily preclude being AWAKE. in cultures other than Western, that has been the norm, but Buddhism also adapts, as it is adapting to Western social norms and experiences.
I'm no bleary-eyed romantic, but I have witnessed the transformative power of romantic love because it's bigger than two people. it counts as experience. it counts as being alive. the trap is not to identify oneself with one's beloved nor with the relationship. the trick is to find balance, not to identify oneself too much or too little. nothing more, nothing less.
romantic--and any other kind of love--is also subject to karma. capitol D Dharma is also the way to approach love of any kind, just as it instructs us in our behavior towards ourselves and others in all kinds of ways. but dharma is not exclusive of love, romantic or otherwise.
peace,
Sorrow
Kensho
i dont feel anyone else shares this with me.. understands me.. or is me.. more than my girl..
'The greatest thing, you'll ever learn, is just to looooove...and beeee loved...in return.'
What's important is that all parties involved need to AGREE on what the definition of love actually is.
Not even that, perhaps....
(Am I arguing with Brian - ?! Jeeesh!)
What's important is that both parties give it equally, and feel equally validated by the person loving them....
I gave Nick a small pendant for our 'anniversary' last year...
It consists of a gold triangle, which stands for 'Perfect Love'... The three sides denote the three aspects of Complete Love:
Philos, Eros and Agape....
Philos - is the Meeting of Minds, the mental communication between two people who, though their ideas and opinions may differ, are still able to discuss, engage and converse fruitfully....
Eros - The sensual, sexual, physical love, engaged in on equal footing, with dignity, respect and admiration for one another
Agape - The Love which puts the other first - not on a pedestal, or as superior, but the selfless Love which strives to ensure the complete serenity, tranquility and acceptance of and for the other person...
The whole, goes up to make the ' Perfect' Love...The three sides may not always be equilateral (!) but if one side's missing altogether, then all you have is a 'greater than', or 'lesser than'...so to speak....
Cool, huh?
In the end, the love we get may be equal to the love with give. The Beatles may actually have got it right.
crush:your email: email of crush 1 : email of crush 2 : email of crush 3<o:p></o:p>
then click web search button. Let the magic of love makes all of you happy.<o:p></o:p>
A lot of what we call 'love' is attachment or exaggerated bias.