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Child's Teaching
I thought I'd share an experience I had last evening.
I was playing cards with my family. My children are young, it was not competitive, but my oldest has the best luck, in fact it was such a run as to have continued now for weeks. Uncanny. But last night the luck ended. She had a hard time losing. It was evident that she'd attached very strongly to the idea that she was always a winner. My oldest is very responsible (first child syndrome I wager) but when something in her world shatters, she's a mess. In a few minutes she was crying uncontrollably. One of the benfits and motivations for my meditation practice is the slowing down of my reactions and increased patience. Fortunately I saw this as an opportunity to help her instead of a childish imposition on my time.
As she was laying there, I just sat with her for a time. Then I just told her to breathe and I did it with her. I began counting with her. I closed my eyes. I don't know if she did too or not. She calmed down and said she had begun to feel better.
I struggle alot with how to help my children understand the basic principles of life, which is what I find buddhism to be, without overloading them with 'buddhism' per se. We talked about the fact that winning can't always happen and just like the seasons come and go. It doesn't mean she is any less lovable, etc. When she gets up today, I'm quite sure she'll have forgotten about it, but perhaps in 15 years when she's troubled, she'll remember.
I guess I learned that we can illustrate these principles to our children if we can connect with the opportunities. I'm sure I've missed plenty, but was encouraged for what I could do for my daughter and for what it taught me. In the end the issues are different, but I feel like we all do this same thing. We may not cry uncontrollably on the outside, but we may be pitching a fit on the inside. I often feel so much like my daughter often if I admit it.
Thanks for letting me share here in this forum. I struggle with posting because I always seem to find a sense that my motivations are seeking praise. I suppose that is partly true but I imagine part of its just an initial discomfort. I find the comfort of connection though particularly inspiring.
Have a great day...
I was playing cards with my family. My children are young, it was not competitive, but my oldest has the best luck, in fact it was such a run as to have continued now for weeks. Uncanny. But last night the luck ended. She had a hard time losing. It was evident that she'd attached very strongly to the idea that she was always a winner. My oldest is very responsible (first child syndrome I wager) but when something in her world shatters, she's a mess. In a few minutes she was crying uncontrollably. One of the benfits and motivations for my meditation practice is the slowing down of my reactions and increased patience. Fortunately I saw this as an opportunity to help her instead of a childish imposition on my time.
As she was laying there, I just sat with her for a time. Then I just told her to breathe and I did it with her. I began counting with her. I closed my eyes. I don't know if she did too or not. She calmed down and said she had begun to feel better.
I struggle alot with how to help my children understand the basic principles of life, which is what I find buddhism to be, without overloading them with 'buddhism' per se. We talked about the fact that winning can't always happen and just like the seasons come and go. It doesn't mean she is any less lovable, etc. When she gets up today, I'm quite sure she'll have forgotten about it, but perhaps in 15 years when she's troubled, she'll remember.
I guess I learned that we can illustrate these principles to our children if we can connect with the opportunities. I'm sure I've missed plenty, but was encouraged for what I could do for my daughter and for what it taught me. In the end the issues are different, but I feel like we all do this same thing. We may not cry uncontrollably on the outside, but we may be pitching a fit on the inside. I often feel so much like my daughter often if I admit it.
Thanks for letting me share here in this forum. I struggle with posting because I always seem to find a sense that my motivations are seeking praise. I suppose that is partly true but I imagine part of its just an initial discomfort. I find the comfort of connection though particularly inspiring.
Have a great day...
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Comments
Thank you for the lesson - I will definitely use it in the future instead of losing my cool with her. This parenting business is hard work!!
Was it Buddha that said, "The fruit of a tree does not fall very far from the tree."
Anyway, thanks for the story - the are lessons we can teach to help other overcome attachments - and there are great, everyday circumstances that allow us to learn from others.
-bf
I have a 52-year old ex- who does the same thing....
Did I say that out loud....!??!:wow:
Have you been talking to my husband? I may not shed tears when things don't go my way, but I can pitch a prety good fit!
Let's just say I had a feeling...
-bf
yes, dear.
Palzang
Superb, Palzang. And what joy to have an extended family.
When it was my task to teach "religious education" teachers, I used to have a large notice which I put up at everyu seminar. It read: "Holiness cannot be taught. It can only be caught."
I don't think force feeding a child religion (or very many types of thought processes) is the way to develop a mind that can think on it's own.
I always said I would expose my child to a number of different thought processes and then let him decide for himself.
-bf