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how to deal with jealousy

ThailandTomThailandTom Veteran
edited February 2011 in Buddhism Basics
I have come to realize that I am often jealous of certain things or people. Be it people getting lots of attention and me being ignored for a few minutes, somebody looking at my girlfriend in a certain way, there are many many situations where I have come to realize I am jealous.
One example would be that I have little money, that is not really what I want, lots of money, but there is a girl who has a husband with lots of money who sends her thousands of pounds each week from England. She buys things for people such as clothes or jewelry because she literally has too much money. I help people, am compassionate and do things that are not materialistic, yet she is highly regarded as somebody great as she has 'the shiny things'. When she comes back with all these things for herself and sometimes for other people, they swarm around her and I can feel inside this emotion of jealousy. I know i should let go and bask in their happiness but I cannot seem to.

Going off the subject a bit, I went to an AA meeting yesterday as I have been drinking 2 beers every night for a while with my medication, i went there and did not realize how heavily orientated around god it all was. I explained I was a buddhist and they said this is fine, as long as you accept that there is a higher power that you cannot control.. I think that I shall not go to another meeting as they seem to believe certain things I do not. Although, I did see many similarities within their christian beliefs to buddhism.

Anyway killing jealousy, anybody have the handbook on this?

Comments

  • PietroPumokinPietroPumokin
    i cant comment on jealousy slayings, but a "higher power" can exist comfortably within buddhist practice, and other than that I think AA meetings are beneficial aren't they? the main point is not to indoctrinate but to rehabilitate and support?
  • SupertrampSupertramp
    edited February 2011
    Going off the subject a bit, I went to an AA meeting yesterday as I have been drinking 2 beers every night for a while with my medication, i went there and did not realize how heavily orientated around god it all was. I explained I was a buddhist and they said this is fine, as long as you accept that there is a higher power that you cannot control.. I think that I shall not go to another meeting as they seem to believe certain things I do not. Although, I did see many similarities within their christian beliefs to buddhism.

    Anyway killing jealousy, anybody have the handbook on this?
    It all depends of your definition of "a higher power", I think the words are totally wrong to describe this. The earth and everything around you is something you can't control, but you can control the influence it has on you, imo. Or rather, how you experience the influence. If you use that definition of "a higher power" why wouldn't you be able to go to AA meetings?
    That being said, I don't believe in how americans put blame of addiction somewhere else (a higher power) and say you're just a victim. So I wouldn't go to AA meetings either, however if you feel you can't deal with your addiction alone I would seek help in others.

    On your part of jealousy, I struggle with that too. It helps to be mindful when those feelings happen though. I know it doesn't seem like much advice but it helps me.
  • missnikkimissnikki
    As for jealousy I find investigating it within myself helps me to see it as not a big deal - for example if I find myself jealous I think, "ok, I'm feeling jealous, isn't this interesting... Why am I feeling this way? What is it I am truly jealous of? Am I going to let this impact my life or happiness? Hell no." Maybe this could work for you. Good luck and remember everyone gets jealous at some point in life about something, you are not alone.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    I have to say, amongst the maelstrom of different emotions I know I experience (and by virtue, observe)I can honestly say hand on heart that jealousy is not one of them. If ever I am envious, it would not be of people, but situations, but it passes as quickly as it comes.....

    What's the point?
  • Seeker567Seeker567 Explorer
    This is a question I've been asking myself for a long time. for me, practicing  "joy at the success of others" really cuts down on jealously.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    Indeed.
  • MountainsMountains Veteran
    Absolutely. Telling someone else congratulations on an accomplishment or a good fortune is a great way to eliminate jealousy in yourself.

    Also, be careful of what you're jealous of. Sometimes what appears worthy of jealousy on the outside, isn't really so great looking at it from the other side. An example - many years ago a client of my mother's (she's a financial planner) won US $25 million in the lotto. Wow! We're all so jealous! Not really. She said it was the single worst thing that ever happened to her. It ruined her life in many ways. Sure, she didn't have to worry about being poor anymore, but she inherited a WHOLE bunch of new problems she'd never have had without the money - some of them pretty awful.
  • Seeker567Seeker567 Explorer
    I guess just observe your self and the situation to it's fullest :) that always seems to work
  • VilhjalmrVilhjalmr
    Sure, she didn't have to worry about being poor anymore, but she inherited a WHOLE bunch of new problems she'd never have had without the money - some of them pretty awful.
    Like what?

    Peoples' lives are usually ruined by a lottery when they spend all the money and end up with massive debt. That is, it is their own fault, and not an intrinsic problem with winning a bunch of money, as people like to assume so they don't have to feel jealous... or that's my theory.
  • MK2011MK2011
    I have been the victim of others jealousy and it is not good all around. I respect you for owning it though. I think the best thing to do is really be the best person you can be. Money isn't bad, its a passion for greed and materials that isn't healthy. Maybe try to make more money, don't compare yourself to others but if you feel jealous, start creating and developing in your life the things they have. Work on being the best you and you will feel less jealous. I respect that you think you are alcoholic BUT drinking two beers a night, does not sound like an alcoholic. Good luck and peace.
  • ThailandTomThailandTom Veteran
    Thanks for your comments and I think if you need to drink every day, even if it is one beer you are an alcoholic. Anyway, I have pretty much stopped drinking now, still tapering off my valium at a faster pace than my doctor advised, but I feel ok.
    The jealousy issue, yes I think it is something many of us find it hard to deal with in life, being jealous. It is that greed part of the human nature, the ego. For me it is less to do with material possessions and more to do with respect or attention from people if I look deeper at the situation.

    the lotto scenario sounds pretty crazy, i hope that person is okay. I heard a monk say that he was surprised that still in this day and age we think that material things and having lots and lots of money will make us happy. But then again, the vast majority of us are ignorant....
  • [DeletedUser][DeletedUser]
    If you know full well that they are truly yourself, Buddha, you would not be jealous. Try practice recognizing their Buddha nature instead.
  • rainbowwarriorrainbowwarrior
    The green eyed monster is just an illusion. Recognize the feeling that you experience as jealousy and let it go. Rather smile and send that person a happy thought.

  • MellowViperMellowViper
    edited February 2011
    Well, I think there is a higher power we can't control, and that's the eb, flow, and continuum of the greater reality that exists outside of the control and will of our own egos. Mind you, they probably are friends with them through a shallow pretense. Well, I don't know them, but most likely, a lot of them aren't real friends that would be there if she didn't have that money. I wouldn't really dwell over it too much, and if they're not jerks to you or anyone else, I'd just remain open and relatively friendly and try not to be taken in by petty envy. I try to be a person that respects all people, despite what they can or can't do for me. Maybe other people are like that, but it doesn't mean I have to be. It doesn't mean I have to be overly judgmental of others either. There's more than one way self superiority can manifest itself.

    We all have a divine and carnal potential. I guess the best thing to do is to keep this in mind in context to yourself, as well as other people.
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