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Discussion often inflate the ego.
Discussion is very problematic, It is a rare person that does not care about criticism, humans generally want to be right want to tell other people how it is! The ego deflates badly when it feels under attack it wants to get it own back, it feels a 'mild' hatred to it assailant . While the apparent victors ego expands with joy I have won! I have won!. I am being melodramatic off course but you might know what i mean from past experiences. Let us all then be extra vigilant and mindful of communicating in a quality way. I must say I have seen some great examples on here!
How do you make sure (or at least try) you are speaking from a more detached but caring place?
How do you make sure (or at least try) you are speaking from a more detached but caring place?
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If your intent is to learn, then it doesn't matter whether or you're right or wrong; what matters is that you gained from the experience, and so did anyone who took part in or observed the discussion.
To answer your question, I make sure that I know "why" that I want to discuss whatever the topic may be (including this very post) so that when or if I am conflicted, contrasted, or even proven wrong, I walk away from the conversation 1% wiser than I was before I began it.
And if I am not proven wrong, at least then I could say that I can be more confident in my logic and the person who I disproved is now 1% wiser.
Luang Pu smiled a bit and said,
"That's pretty good. When there's no speaking, then no faults are committed by way of speech. But when you say that you stopped speaking, that simply can't be. Only the noble ones who enter the refined attainment of cessation, where feeling and perception stop, are able to stop speaking. Aside from them, everyone's speaking all day and all night long. And especially those who vow not to speak: They talk more than anyone else, simply that they don't make a sound that others can hear."
- Ajahn Dune
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/thai/dune/giftsheleft.html
I've been finding that feeling how the other person feels. Trying to feel and understand where they are coming from. This really helps with putting things into perspective.
It is very easy to be inflated with self cherishing and aversion, especially when we hold tightly onto the values and beliefs that help us move forward everyday. but when we place emphasis on the heart, we can learn to let go of our grip and just open to whatever comes.
not sure this helps, but it sure has helped me.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/15/arts/people-argue-just-to-win-scholars-assert.html?pagewanted=all
Says that we only argue to win and that reason is merely a tool to bring about that gratification of winning. Discussion and argument are quite different. Both have different intents. I believe with discussion, there is a search for meaning and knowledge. In argument, there is a battle of knowledge.
This leads me to believe that we're all enlightened to a degree; that's part of the reason why we searched, and applied for membership to this forum in the first place.
This is merely one website; what I'm more concerned about is how can we open our doors, and/or spread the messages of what we know and learn to those who don't know about this forum? How can we prevent being a closed community and contribute our thoughts and ideas not only to the members of this website, but to everyone in the world in general? People are sometimes put off by the word "Buddhism" because they don't know enough about it to understand it, and it's only natural for we humans to fear what we don't understand. But true knowledge is universal; whether it flies under the flag of "Buddhist" or "Christian" or "Hindu" or any other creed, religion, or philosophy for that matter, is irrelevant.
How can we take all of the wisdom or morality shared here, strip it of its "Buddhist" title so that less people fear it, and help people grow from what we write here?
when another is hungry, i feed them.
smile and keep your heart and mind open.
what else is there to do? when conditions are ripe, we help and then we move on.
we work with the immediate, then we can work on other things.
the whole world is occupied with the top down mentality. the macro to micro. thinking that policy, politics, and philosophy will save us all.
in actuality it is merely the open heart with clear seeing that allows us to function moment to moment. when we see an itch, we itch. when we are burning, we move our hands from the fire.
I think the more we lay our self bare in the mirror and to our teachers, the less our ignorances and mistakes impact our buoyancy. Its often when we're afraid of who we are and what we've done that stress arises from compliments or criticisms.
Either stubbing a toe or having a cookie... great, there it was. Here and now, though, there are more things to do, breaths to breathe, thoughts to abandon, questions to answer, people to love. Who has time to cling?!?
Bhikkhus, I do not dispute with the world, it is the world that disputes with me. A speaker of Dhamma does not dispute with anyone in the world.
S 22.94
Wanting what’s good, without stop:
That’s the cause of suffering.
It’s a great fault: the strong fear of bad.
‘Good’ & ‘bad’ are poisons to the mind,
like foods that enflame a high fever.
The Dhamma isn’t clear
because of our basic desire for good.
Desire for good, when it’s great,
drags the mind into turbulent thought
until the mind gets inflated with evil,
and all its defilements proliferate.
The greater the error, the more they flourish,
taking one further & further away
from the genuine Dhamma
Ajahn Mun
You said it man!
From personal experience, when two people meet with conflicting ideas, it's only natural to want to be the one who is right. It takes a bit of maturity before one, who was socially programmed by our society, sees being wrong as a potentially good thing.
Because of the natural impulse to want to be the winner, when we do win, we tend to walk away gloating within ourselves (or even to others) because of it.