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Anti-Social?
As I've said elsewhere, I have very few positive things to say about college life. I mean school's just fine, but dorm life is a chore. If I weren't in officer training here, I'd be closer to home and commuting. Since I have no plan on quitting that, I have to deal with the situation at hand.
A few weeks ago, I felt like I was back in the driver's seat. I had built up my tolerance to the less savory people I had to deal with, and I've been sleeping much better lately. The real trouble has come from my roommate who has typically been my ally here.
As we've gotten to know more people around the dorm, we have obviously spent more time with them. It's been nice meeting new people and all, but that has come with a price unfortunately. By that, I mean that there is either somebody always coming to visit our room or my roommate is always going to other rooms with up to 10 people in them. I'm expected to come.
I get along with people just fine, but the prospect of always hanging out or being around these people is a bit daunting really and annoying. I like to have my private time. I'm a bookworm and I'm very devoted to doing well in school. I read two books a week on average and I frequently have papers to write. When I'm not doing that, I like to occasionally work on my novel.
I make my token social appearances. But God forbid if I don't feel like staying up until 3 and 4am on school nights just so I can sit in a hallway with people and talk. I go to bed around 11 each night because unlike some people, I actually have class before noon everyday. In fact, I have physical training at 620 every morning.
Of course, according to them, that's not all there is. I'm "anti-social." Apparently I spend all my time in my room and they had the audacity to suggest I live a sedentary lifestyle. (They backed off on that when I reminded them what I do every morning.)
Now of course, I don't spend all my time in my room, but who wants to listen to reason? The fact that I was gone all day yesterday doing some intensive battle drill training in snow up to my knees does not count I am told.
But how does one respond to the charge of being anti-social? I know I'm not, because I know that I have lots of friends who I care about and friends who care about me. I do grow tired of being hounded about "never doing anything" or some other baseless charge. It's frustrating.
As I type this, I know they're all crammed like sardines into some hauntingly filthy room. What are they doing? Who knows? I'm in my room being anti-social and getting ready for bed shortly. If I full asleep before my roommate gets back, I am fully expecting to be complained to tomorrow.
A few weeks ago, I felt like I was back in the driver's seat. I had built up my tolerance to the less savory people I had to deal with, and I've been sleeping much better lately. The real trouble has come from my roommate who has typically been my ally here.
As we've gotten to know more people around the dorm, we have obviously spent more time with them. It's been nice meeting new people and all, but that has come with a price unfortunately. By that, I mean that there is either somebody always coming to visit our room or my roommate is always going to other rooms with up to 10 people in them. I'm expected to come.
I get along with people just fine, but the prospect of always hanging out or being around these people is a bit daunting really and annoying. I like to have my private time. I'm a bookworm and I'm very devoted to doing well in school. I read two books a week on average and I frequently have papers to write. When I'm not doing that, I like to occasionally work on my novel.
I make my token social appearances. But God forbid if I don't feel like staying up until 3 and 4am on school nights just so I can sit in a hallway with people and talk. I go to bed around 11 each night because unlike some people, I actually have class before noon everyday. In fact, I have physical training at 620 every morning.
Of course, according to them, that's not all there is. I'm "anti-social." Apparently I spend all my time in my room and they had the audacity to suggest I live a sedentary lifestyle. (They backed off on that when I reminded them what I do every morning.)
Now of course, I don't spend all my time in my room, but who wants to listen to reason? The fact that I was gone all day yesterday doing some intensive battle drill training in snow up to my knees does not count I am told.
But how does one respond to the charge of being anti-social? I know I'm not, because I know that I have lots of friends who I care about and friends who care about me. I do grow tired of being hounded about "never doing anything" or some other baseless charge. It's frustrating.
As I type this, I know they're all crammed like sardines into some hauntingly filthy room. What are they doing? Who knows? I'm in my room being anti-social and getting ready for bed shortly. If I full asleep before my roommate gets back, I am fully expecting to be complained to tomorrow.
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Don't worry about being called anti social, if it wasn't that it would be something else.
(Unofficial motto of Balliol College, Oxford University)
If your time at college did not stretch you intellectually, you would rightly complain. It will also stretch you personally. This is the time when you decide how you want to be yourself as best you can.
From the point of view of your peers, you do sound as if you are "anti-social" in their terms. So, as in martial arts, bend with the attack, don't avoid it, embrace it. Enjoy being "quasi-social". Notice what goes on in you when you are called names:why does it upset you? Do you want to be seen as social? Are you secretly wanting to be popular? Look into the darkness of your mind, where the bits of yourself that you would rther ignore are hiding.
This is an opportunity to learn about your needs and potentials. It is a process whch may not be comfortable but neither is your physical training.
I do.
Discussing their fellow students. The ones not crammed into that room.
I guess that includes you mate.
Good on you though for doing your own thing. Let those tongues wag and do what's right for you. Sooner or later, when the honeymoon phase is over (say in the second year) they'll splinter into antagonistic little groups and bi*ch about each other.
Been there.
Respond as though it were a slightly annoying compliment, because that's really all it is.
Ravenna, OH. It was no more than 2 inches at Akron, but it was absurd out in the woods in Ravenna.
Very good idea!
I guess I'm not upset by the words so much as I'm just annoyed at being hounded. I could care less what they call me.
To me, the most important thing for me right now is doing as well as possible in school right now and reading as much as possible.
Palzang
Last night, I was in my room while the sleepless barbarians all sat out in the hallway. Suddenly, my door burst open and nearly gave me a heart attack. The fellow who came in said, "So KOB, what's you doing? Camping in your room like usual?"
I lied like usual and said I had homework so I could continue writing a poem I was working on.
I've never understood the people who complain to others about being anti-social. When I've met people in the past who don't seem interested in talking, I can take a hint. I just leave them alone.
Or they just can't be bothered to do something more constructive than idle chatting... I'm facing that too. If I study, they'll say that I am paranoid and obsessed with being the best. If I join them, all we will do is talk about other people... It gets very exasperating and annoying after a while... and I become even more annoyed with myself because I am throwing my integrity away just so I can fit in... and it doesn't make me happy.
So I guess you'll have to consider which is more important to you... or try to find a balance between hanging out with them and yourself. Don't please others though. It may be selfish but hey, your life is your own. So are your results.
I have become more removed from my friends and social status (what little i had) as of late. But is that bad? Space just gives you room to expand your mind and practices. Use this alone time to reflect on why their gatherings irratate you. Ask yourself if you want to be appart of their circle or keep the distance. And if you deep down want to be appart, dont be ashamed! Dont feel hypocratic, just do what u think will advance your dharma and well being
thats what i try to do
This is a thread from last year - so its possible that what was happening with KOB at that time may not be relevant now.
Kind wishes,
Dazzle