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Being Patient with Impatience
Shoshin
No one in particularNowhere Special Veteran
We more often than not like things to go our way, and if they don’t we might feel a little(or a lot) frustrated and annoyed…
Would you say you’re a patient or impatient person ?
(in other words do you get annoyed or frustrated easily ? )
What techniques have you developed to help curb your impatience and or frustration ?
Do you feel that others are to blame ?
1
Comments
She must of had a brick in that bag.
For 'special' occasions.....
I think I am a patient person (although not with myself as much as I should be!)
Learning to remain patient while raising children is a skill my wife and I are getting better at. It's not always easy but is for the best I think.
Turning back inwards and stabilising the breath when stressed are good ways to curb impatience.
What about you @Shoshin?
I would have to say very patient @Bunks...
My children are young adults now, (so have been there and done that "terrible twos times four")
Plus the work I do now, involves having a lot of patience, when having to deal with lots of fragile people...
Ongoing meditation on anatta helps loosen the sense of self, so less attachment to situations as they arise....
If you are impatient there are plenty of opportunities to practice on that.
Very true @Jeffrey,
And if you are patient there are plenty of opportunities to practice on that too...
I used to think I was more patient than everyone else until I discovered that I just had different priorities than everyone else.
I find my patience level fluctuates quite a lot, I think it's do with how mindful I'm being.
As an example, if I am waiting in the line at my local supermarket and there is an elderly person having a chat with the cashier and holding things up. If I'm being mindful and aware I'll realise that maybe that elderly person lives alone and doesn't have many people to talk to, so some human contact with the cashier is quite important. Also that the cashier probably knows the elderly person and realises this too, so makes a point of having a quick chat when they come in.
Stuff like that.
Must HAVE. Yes, I'm a grammar-nerd. Get over it.
I am infinitely patient, tolerant, understanding and I remain calm in most situations, and have definitely improved over time.
"working" here has been of enormous help.
However, Grammar errors grip my schytt.
It's so unnecessary with all the constant, repetitive, un-ending ever-present corrections to be found on-line......
Two I love....
and this one made me laugh...
It's my very own OCD.... and I'm not entirely sorry!
For my impatience, most definitely . . . however when I am calm, serene and patient . . .
. . . the credit is all mine . . . [Mr Cushion has just pointed out the flaw in my credit system]
list? You want a list
and back in credit . . . . 
(nearly lost my air cushion\rag/bag . . . phew . . . )
More clues? Be kind (it takes practice)
Sure . . . I forgot something on that list . . . it'll come to me . . .
ah yes . . . PRACTICE (no shouting)
I was watching an Alan Wallace video on Youtube, and he talked about the people who piss you off, like cut you off in traffic or dump their purse to find the coupon in the grocery line. He said we humans have a tendency to 'blame' other people's stupidity on some bad personal quality they MUST have, rather than look to that person's environment for 'causes'. I've heard this a hundred thousand times but just then understood it a little better.
A couple of weeks ago I stood behind a lady buying four or five items in the quick check out line, but she had some coupons or SOMETHING that the clerk had to go through bit by bit. And they were chatting like neighbors over the fence. My ice cream was melting LOL. And I had a rock in one shoe.
My first thought was "This is a quick check out line. Have your checks READY, right? Wonder what they say about having six coupons for four items? And there they chat like it was Saturday afternoon and they are having a barbecue. WTF people? Damn my foot hurts!" My second (much less well articulated, still practicing) set of thoughts were "It's a lot of work to cut coupons and then remember to bring them. Saving money is important to this woman, for all you know, it could be vitally important. And their friendly interchange is nice, I always chat with a couple of checkers I've gotten familiar with over time. A person can't have too many pleasant acquaintances in this world." My damn foot was throbbing and I wanted to rip my shoe off right there in the store, so that part didn't get included, but I did think her coupons and their friendly chatter had no pernicious connection to the rock in my shoe or my pain, so suck it up Buttercup.
I'd heard of Ted H agg ard but got interested in him for some reason and read about his shenanigans for a while yesterday. Zowie. So EEEEASY to puff myself up, but what about his 'environment'? An evangelical Christian who is gay but shouldn't be. A person with a sex and/or drug addiction, lots of people have those issues, but his faith forbids him to even acknowledge it much less seek help (until he was forced). It was a whole NEW way of looking at someone. It 'felt' softer, and I felt softer, like something in my chest literally relaxed. I wouldn't invite him to dinner but he's just incredibly human in spite of the pressures he's put on himself. It actually felt better, inside me, to avoid attributing foul personal qualities on him, as if in doing so it caused me pain.
So in the long run, perhaps it is a direct way to ease my own suffering to take a breath and go to a different place when someone is in my way or making a public spectacle of themselves?
Gosh @Hamsaka, you write amazingly well....
It hardly ever happens...talking about waiting in line at the store/cashier, where the person ahead of you has a STACK of coupons...just picture if the people behind her (yeah it's always a woman)...if they would actual do in real life what they're thinking:
Nooooo~
What baffles me is people in supermarket lines who don't have their money or card ready to pay. The cashier puts it all through and waits expectantly, then you see this slightly confused look, like "Oh, you mean I have to pay for this?"
My mother, standing behind a lady who proceeded to remove what looked like a decade's worth of coupons from her purse, loudly asked "Could somebody please get me a chair? I think I'm going to be here a while...!"
Please be patient with me...I'm the coupon lady! lololololol
I see all the side stares and huffs and puffs in line...but look, coupons is how I get a basket full of grocery items worth $200 down to $89. We have 5 people to feed on a budget of $100 a week...sorry guys...I try my best to have them all sorted out and such...but yes, it takes alot of time. The stores should have coupon lanes/lines, I think....
Hi coupon lady! ;-) I suggest the markets make a special lane for all you coupon ladies!
I suggest as you take your shopping out and put it on the conveyor belt, you put the appropriate coupon on the specific item.... Just sayin' that's what I do....
The whole coupon thing is a bit of a game really. In the UK Tesco introduced Clubcard where you get points for purchases, and also coupons. It's a clever strategy because the cards provide Tesco with lots of information about customer shopping habits. That information is commercially very valuable,
Yep...It's an art, if on the consumer side, you learn how to gain the advantage, without giving up too much info....
Oh, I do!
But people get pissed bec it takes so long to scan all the coupons. The cashiers remove them off the item, check to see if they match, then stack them up on the side to scan at the very end. I dunno....I'm not gonna lie...no matter how many ways I have tried to make it go smoother, people seem to get soooo mad at me......and you can't attempt (swipe debit card ahead of time or any money transactions until all the coupons are scanned)...It takes a few more minutes, that's for sure.
I'm not one who dumps out of the purse at the last minute, though......Damn, there goes that Self...See? I do it better than at least someone else? hahaha...I saw that as it was unfolding just now...
Well that was silly of me - you'd just said that! Maybe a better idea would be to have a security guard frisk us all as we enter the store. We're used to it at the airport - why not the supermarkets?!
and then there's the bit about the customer having read the coupon wrong and have to decide to pay for the item or exchange it OR the coupon has expired and they were trying to see if they could get away with it....wicked peeps!
Seeing that we are on about "At the supermarket/store" spare a thought for the poor tellers who have to deal with all kinds of shoppers and the attitudes they bring to the checkout....
Wait just a lobster lickin' minute!!!
Doz we have a plan yet?
How to: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Patient
I occasionally get to use Semi Attended Customer Activated Terminal (SACAT) tills, then I only have myself and technology to be impatient with. However self service tills always seem primitive. Last time I could not find the self checkout receipt and as usual had to ask the assistant, who showed me and admitted it was hidden away. The software did not help me, no light appeared telling me where my ticket was. Who designed this checkout software . . . Willy Wonka? When can I have an electric drone delivery service? Also if I am being employed as an unpaid cashier I should get free coupons, staff benefits etc. The technology seems to improve each time I go. For example the self checkout at the gardening superstore had a bar scanner gun. Did not realize you keep it still when reading, thank goodness for the technology assistants. Today went to buy spices from a temporary pop up supermarket, practically empty, so a bit of banter with the cashier as they had no technology to play with. When they move back to the new refurshibment I will probably move too . . . Before that went to a Korean supermarket as a treat. I enjoy shopping and standing in queues. I lead a rich and fulfilling life.
If all I have to worry about is the 'coupon lady', then I am karmically fortunate.
My point exactly! While I grumble at the total for my grocs and slide my card LOL, you've saved this enormous amount of money. You've 'rung' all the bells for sustainability, frugality, non-wastefulness, etc etc. And you check out with a smile on your face. Who's the 'stupid' one
?
NOT having coupon lines builds character in the rest of us.
Not that I ever think this while in line (with melting ice cream or all the other errands I must run in one hour), but you and your coupons in front of me in line may cost me a maximum of two or three minutes. Two or three minutes. I could have wasted that amount of my 'precious' time in uncountable ways just after internally bitching at you for wasting my time. It's like I can waste my time but you'd better RESPECT my time dammit. Once it's in the wash, it doesn't matter WHO made me pause. It's quite ridiculous. Now to remember this during such an episode LOL
To me this is a bit of what Alan Wallace meant.
waste of ice cream is sad
Oh no, no such thing as not eating ice cream that isn't perfectly firm. Heck no, pour it in a bowl and slurp it (it was Ben and Jerry's New York Fudge Fanatic or something like that). It's just more difficult to scoop out a small portion when the ice cream is melted, so, I had to eat most of it in one go.
Well spotted.
The Boddhisatvas weep with you
There is a certain point where it becomes more like milk, and that I will not go beyond.
I thought of everyone here this afternoon as I approached the checkout line at the store..hahaha....I admit, maybe I was more patient with the situation....before unloading all my stuff and doing the coupon dance, I checked the line behind me...anyone that just had a handful of stuff, I offered to let them skip me in line.....I even caught myself scoping the baskets for any ice cream....hahaha....2 ladies and a gentleman took me up on my offer and went ahead. It made things a little more relaxing on me and I think the cashier too.
FWIW...I filled the suggestion box with our idea of a coupon lane
Pah! In the Western Buddhist shrine builders manual . . . not yet available . . . it is not uncommon to offer frozen ice cream to the Buddha in a meditation bowl and watch it gently change to just the right constituency. Then we get to eat Buddha blessed, mantrad ice cream.
OM MANI PEME BEN AN JERRYS
I prefer this to watching paint dry . . .
When I'm impatient and not listening
bugger off;
when you are the same
just bugger off...
When you are patient and listening ,
I'm here for you,
like-wise also,
I am sure...
I have been wondering about this for a little while. I notice for me that impatience tends to surface when I am sure I know what somebody else is going to say, or when they are criticising me. The latter then tends to trigger aversion, that my attention wanders and my mind goes off and insists on doing other things.
I am not usually very inclined to impatience, but sometimes it flames up within me and then it takes me over at a moments notice, and I can be ready to explode! It's something I am not sure how I should cope with it.
This approach I like.
Perhaps more kindness and a greater effort to be more understanding of others is an avenue that will bear fruit, slowing down the impulse to judgment and allowing a more mindful dissipation of the energy of impatience.
coupons...they need to be able to be loaded on a smart phone like you can do with payments and the system needs to suck the coupons off the phone automatically all in one sweep. There's no reason this shouldn't be able to happen, the technology is already there. And you can already load coupons on your phone. But they have to scan them via your phone like normal, at least as far as I have seen. But I have no doubt that this is coming the ability to scan coupons to a phone rather than cut them out and have them taken out automatically at the terminal. Of course, the people who are still writing checks probably don't have smart phones, so no help for them, lol. I write one check a month and haven't balanced my checkbook in 10 years.
I live in a really small town. it is extremely common not just to get held up by the post-church Sunday folk at the store talking to the cashier about her sick parents, or who died, or who has cancer. I take my turn as well. Just part of life. We move at a slower pace, and it works out. It's also not unusual to get stopped on the highway because a few people stopped to chat up a neighbor (we are all neighbors) in their car. On the road. Happens all the time, lol. But just part of life in a small town. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I wish more people could enjoy those interactions and know how to slow the &%$# down. Where does everyone think they are going so fast that they need to get irate waiting 30 seconds extra for neighbors to have a chat? So you can get in your car just to sit in traffic and then get home just to watch tv? Obviously, yes, people have deadlines, but most of the time we're in a hurry for nothing, and I remind myself of that often.
Ah, bless you @karasti, I thought I was the only one who doesn't balance the checkbook - I'm allergic! Love the last line, "...but most of the time we're in a hurry for nothing, and I remind myself of that often." Wonderful, wise words.
As visitors and locals alike drive off the car ferry when arriving on to the island where I live...
This sign greets us...
One of my mother-in-law's favourite little ditties:
Patience is a virtue
Possess it if you can
It's seldom found in woman
And never found in man