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Job loss and Indecision
Well, at least I can say I am trying to fight the good fight.......
In dealing with my reactive depression, I have been working like hell at remedying the core problem.....job loss. I have been unemployed for some time now, yet I have been doing every pragmatic thing known to man. I go to job fairs, network, etc.. Still nothing.
At the same time, I have realized I would like a career in the arts. But such a pursuit would not bring in income quickly enough.
I try to keep my spirits up, but I am emotionally exhausted. I am seeing a life coach once a week, and I do my assignments. But I am so tired. When I try to meditate, I come to the conclusion that things may not get better. Sounds crazy, but that's how it feels.
I am quite new to Buddhism, so my questions and associations may sound naive. But I have to wonder how practicing Buddhism can bring me relief in terms of these issues. (I hate to admit it, but I sometimes envy Christians--at least they have hope.)
In dealing with my reactive depression, I have been working like hell at remedying the core problem.....job loss. I have been unemployed for some time now, yet I have been doing every pragmatic thing known to man. I go to job fairs, network, etc.. Still nothing.
At the same time, I have realized I would like a career in the arts. But such a pursuit would not bring in income quickly enough.
I try to keep my spirits up, but I am emotionally exhausted. I am seeing a life coach once a week, and I do my assignments. But I am so tired. When I try to meditate, I come to the conclusion that things may not get better. Sounds crazy, but that's how it feels.
I am quite new to Buddhism, so my questions and associations may sound naive. But I have to wonder how practicing Buddhism can bring me relief in terms of these issues. (I hate to admit it, but I sometimes envy Christians--at least they have hope.)
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Comments
As ZenMonk says, sometimes a gracious opportunity presents itself when we least expect it....
The deepest feeling I have about not being able to find work, is that I know I have a great deal to offer, but nobody's taking me up on it... and I feel like I'm not doing my bit. It's a feeling of rejection that is sometimes difficult to put into perspective, especially when you walk away from yet another interview, knowing they won't follow up....
Whilst I will immediately say that Buddhism is not a solution per se for problems of a depressing nature, from a practitioner's point of view, my scant knowledge has helped me understand aspects of my life which I would once have considered inponderable... whilst still 'unpleasant', I am more equipped to put things into perspective and give myself a reality check....
Reaching out to others, interacting with people both on the net and in person, has led me to understand the great inter-connectedness of us all....
I sincerely and deeply feel for you, and whilst I can offer no immediate or concrete solution or advice (would I presume to do so anyway?!) I can sincerely hand on heart let you know you don't walk alone.
I still work in the art world every once in a while. But that is my choice. May I ask what type of art?
I am actually interested in becoming a writer--a fiction writer. I had attempted visual arts years ago, and discovered I certainly did not have the talent.:p
Being unemployed and adrift can give you the oddest feeling of worthlessness, especially in a culture where you are what you do. Currently, I am doing nothing, therefore----.
In a way, this situation is good practice. As I read some Buddhist texts and essays and attempt meditation, I find that I can apply what I am reading to my situation. Jobseekers struggle and struggle through the search--put on interview attire, brush up on the resume, and oh yeah, "look confident", even when you feel like dying.
I find my happiest moments are when I am doing nothing. Not dreading. Not thinking about resumes. Just enjoying chilly air during the post-Holiday season.:winkc: In those moments, I believe "miracles" just may happen.
In my original post I said I envied Christians because they seem like a hope-filled bunch regardless. Many of them have told me this is God's way of testing me. But when I explain I don't believe in a God who tortures to see if I trust him, I actually feel somewhat liberated.
Anywho-
I am totally with you on the feeling of worthlessness when you're unemployed. I used to feel that way everytime I found myself without a job. Its not suprising, looking at the way our society treats the "least of these".
They basically say, "If you dont have a job, you ARE worthless!" Yet, when those same people find themselves without work, then they get stuck in the same conundrum. The rest of society shuns them and turn their backs, then click their ignore buttons.
Look at the way society treats poor people. Look how they treat the homeless. "Worthless, they are." Somehow, they become less than human in their eyes. Same goes for people who cant find a job. It doesnt even matter if you're seriously looking, you are--in the eyes of society--worthless.
Then I find a job. Unfortunately its a job that a million other people could do just as well as me, if not better. This can make people feel just as worthless. Look how society treats people with "crap" jobs. Janitors, retail-slaves, those gardeners who trim bushes outside corporate offices, etc. You know what I'm talking about.
I felt exactly like these people for so long. Then I came across a buddhist teaching that simply said, "Skill yourself in something useful."
I was driving by a barbershop on my way to my "crap" job one morning. It then hit me. I asked myself a rhetorical question. "Whats the one job that hasnt changed in over 200 years?" BARBERSHOPs! Everyone, somewhere will always need a haircut! I could move anywhere, and people would get haircuts. I'm good with my hands and fairly intelligent. Why cant I learn to cut people's hair? I can do that!
I have been practicing meditation for a several months now, and it has helped me train my mind to be more positive and open to new opportunities. A couple of years ago, the idea of cutting hair for a living would've fallen under the heading of "crap job". It would've fallen under the heading of "something that would make me feel worthless and less than human". I felt this way, because I hadnt trained my mind to recognize good things when they appeared before me.
My sister said something to me the other day. She said, "Dont you think you'd get bored cutting people's hair, day after day?" I thought about it for a few minutes and responded, "Maybe. But I've been in the work force long enough to know what constitutes a contented working environment. Hopefully, this Barber thing will be relatively low stress. I imagine it'll be a job I can do while I'm there, then let it go when I leave for the day. Also, with meditation practice, I can train my mind to appreciate every moment of my experiences. Even with cutting hair."
Long story short. I'm now attending Barber college. Its a lot less money than going to another college or university. Its a shorter period of time to learn. And to top it all off---I'm becoming skilled at something usefull. Oh happy day. Not everyone knows how to cut hair (or at least cut hair well). I'm seriously excited and looking forward to what transpires. I'm not saying that being a Barber is right for You, I'm just saying that I was able to train my mind to recognize something that would be good for ME.
I dont know if this has helped. I feel like I just sort of rambled on about cutting hair. Hopefully I didnt go too far off topic or anything. :tonguec:
"Crap Job". When I worked in the corporate hell--I mean workplace--I remember seeing the janitors and cleaning ladies, and envying them. They didn't have to deal with Monday morning presentations, "File Not Found", all that jazz. And what makes me sick is that the whole "crap job" idea is what so many of us are told to avoid at all costs. After all, what will people think?
In all honesty, my fantasy, besides becoming a writer, is to just chuck it all, buy a big dumb van, and travel the country. Then I'd sell the van, and travel the world.
Your barber shop story really hit home. I have been thinking about what other skills I have besides writing. I did some thinking. "Skill yourself in something useful". I love food and the cultural anthropology of world cuisines. Maybe I will become a chef, go to culinary school.
I resent the fact I am made to feel unworthy because I am jobless. I also remember the homeless men and women I would chat with when I would walk down the street. These people had been written off as "worthless", yet I found them to be quite intelligent. This is just my opinion, but I believe these people just didn't have the best breaks in life, they didn't have the greatest support in terms of people connections.
Anyway. I love words, InfiniteKnot. Language. Terminology. "Crap Job". I think that term applies to every corporate position I ever held, including the one where my boss said to me: "Don't you want to emulate me?":mean:
Blahhhhhhh!!! Gimme a break.
I also forgot to mention. I'm a writer too. I think half the people on this forum want to be writers. I dont think being a writer is an unrealistic goal. In the past year I wrote my first book. Its still in the editing stage, and far, far away from being published (if ever). But I actually wrote a book in my unemployed time.
Move to Las Vegas. There are so many jobs here that employers can't fill the positions. Unemployment here is the lowest in the United States. 4.1 percent. That's why I moved back here. There is also tons of opportunity here. I was down at the local convienence store the other day and they were offering a 500 dollar sign on bonus just to be a cashier.
"Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it."
Kind of fits don't ya think?
Now back to where the discussion was...
Right, let me give you some idea of where i come from..
I worked like crazy to pass Technical College to join the Air Force (hopeless mathematician) well after some tutoring I was put into the top maths group at technical college! (Our family has a belief that none of us are any good at maths-well there's that theory gone! i changed my mind in what was the belief (family culture if u like).
I joined the Australian Air Force and got my trade as a radio Technician-ground radio systems. Thought I'd love to teach-shit job, but somehow thought I might like it. did the training at the AirForce's expense-whamo-Instructor! all of this took around nine long years. the military and me don't "get-on" let's just say...
Went into civillian life as a workshop supervisor- shit job -techs whine and carry on all the time and the boss was a total p***k!
never unemployed...
joined another small business where i tested automation equipment fro the stage "Phantom of the opera", beauty and the beast" etc... shit job but a slight pay increase..
Went on to teach electronics control systems PLC's (with Siemens(unfortunate name I know))-shit job, but teaching again slightly more pay.
joined a medical Imaging company as a MRI, CT and Nuclear Medicine specialist -not bad as far as prestige goes, but still a shit job, the hours were atrocious! nearly ruined my marriage.
A fascist european company bought the company-all of a sudden we were the bastard sons-no one got promoted, we were the troublemakers, we cost the company too much etc etc.
I started to get formal warnings (three and you're out) I was a liability-to them apparently... after four years of working closely with my customers, I was losing the company money??? all of a sudden (ever since the new company took over) I was "annoying" customers! well you probably know what happened next...
yes they sacked me.
At that instant I thought "OH NO I can never find another job that has the same great prestige, the same wage, and benefits,etc."
I was out of work for about 6 months-i looked at every shit job going, networked, interviews the whole rotten business. for never having been sacked before to being sacked-I blamed myself.
The Mrs. said it's not your fault-the company is wrong, but you always feel like it is your fault-but then again, so what!? MOVE ON!
I like the concept of the shit job-because I seem to have done a few of them! DO NOT DESPAIR! you are better than that! I worked as a Salesman (My dad used to say DON'T EVER BECOME A SALESMAN!, well I must say I actually quite liked it (even though I was programmed with the concept of sales=shit job). The pay was an issue so I left.
I spent some time mulling over what I was interested in -well writing is one of those interests-I am working on my last assignment for my course then I'm apparently a Writer WOOHOO! I've already sold three articles on photography (I know very little about it, but it seems that the photography magazine thinks i know enough)-BLUFF YOUR WAY IF YOU HAVE TO_IF its your passion -DO IT!
I am now working as an Instructor-yes I love it-reasonable pay, uses a lot of writing skills-they even paid for my proofreading course! all is sweet.
I tell people that i'm a Electronics Engineer, but I'm a Writer/Instructor as well! The job of a Writer i always felt was a shit job-no money etc. an Instructor-Those that can do, those that can't, teach" this is a perception -albeit wrong-I had to change my concept of what exactly is a shit job-we all do I think!
Change your idea of shit job to what is it you REALLY want to do! I did and I feel a hell of a lot better for it!
regards,
sorry for the long winded explanation-got to improve those editing skills!!
*Blush*
sorry.
I agree that our job is to discover our life's work and enjoy it. That is the type of philosophy I should have adopted back in school.:o
Vegas sounds nice.... Went out there last summer for fun with friends. The funny thing about Vegas is that people don't realize the city is not actually a casino. So yeah, I'll definitely look into it.
You know, last night, I thought about proofreading. I had worked as a proofreader before. I didn't love it, but certainly didn't hate it either. I can certainly think of much worse ways to pay bills (you know, like working for the corporate sector again :banghead: :banghead: ).
Another cool thing about a crap job, and I admit this may fly in the face of what others think, is that if it is a particular type of job, you don't have to sell your soul to a company and go nuts to get a promotion. I want to return to school, get my Masters, and would like to focus the majority of my attention on that pursuit. I would be a hardworker for whatever company I would work for, but I would still be able to have a life.
Hey, Xrayman, I'll think of you when I need help proofreading my school papers!:wavey:
W.S.Churchill.