Conquering Impatience

Talisman

Recently at work I have been transferred to a new department. It's a lateral change so no promotion or raise, just new operations and team. I'm doing collections for a durable medical equipments company. It's not what I consider a pleasant job.

One aspect of being part of this new team is that we are dealing with new computer programs, standard operating procedures, developing commission strutures, etc. Earlier today, after taking a call with a patient I became extremely frustrated with the slow and unpredictable computer system we are using to the point of anger and hostility.

My supervisor, obviously concerned, took me to a back office after I finished with the program to speak with me. I was embarrassed and apologized profusely for being so impatient and frustrated. It was foolish of me to react the way I did considering my other teammates and my supervisor are all learning this system together. The stress of performing well and meeting the high expectations have just grated at my nerves along with this shoddy program. Not to mention we have 4 VPs constantly surveying every call we make, making sure everything is going perfectly with their new client.

I hate that I responded so negatively to such a small source of frustration, and it made me think about other areas where little things cause me to "blow up." Not necessarily violectly toward anyone just defensively and often vocallizing vehemontly my frustration with a particular situation. I study Buddhism all day, and I meditate frequently, and I do feel like I am a kind, intelligent, and compassionate person, but it's disheartening when I feel like I can't control my impatience with myself, with others, or with situations that are out of my control.

I want to me known as a patient and loving person, not a short-tempered or angry person. I also don't want to just bury my frustrations down inside where they can come boiling up to the surface at some later date. Are there any mindfullness techniques that you might know of that could help me deal with stressful or frustrating situations more constructively?

nibbuti

Are there any mindfullness techniques that you might know of that could help me deal with stressful or frustrating situations more constructively?

Avoid irritating sense input when possible and have a cup of camomile tea instead.
This will help with temper in the long run.
Just notice "anger, anger, anger" when it comes up.
This will diminish anger within seconds.

compassionate_warrior

have you discussed the computer system with your higher-ups? You could tell them just what you told us; you're working hard to learn the system and do a good job, you take pride in your work, but the program doesn't seem adequate to the tasks assigned. You could ask if there's a possibility of getting a better program in the future. (And hope they don't blow up and say, "It was good enough for your predecessors..." etc.) Emphasize that a better program will help serve the new client better. It's worth a shot.
Taking positive action (like meeting with your VP's and others about this) will help dispel the sense of frustration.

Jeffrey

It might help if you verbalize your anger to colleagues so that you can vent and they can know what you are dealing with. You can do this in a non-victim way. Just saying 'this is so frustrating'!

That was my therapists advice to me when I have an overwhelming emotion and I am with people. If possible express it in an appropriate way. Chances are they won't fault you for feeling frustrated.

Often anger is due to fears about failing. At least for me. So I can relate to you. When my father and I discussed my desire for a volunteer job I spun out into anxiety and defensiveness. Its a real puzzle.

I think if you can just be there with the anger. Know that despite it feeling so negative that really it is just a raw juicy energy state. Whats the worst that can happen? The anger itself need not destroy your creativity and integrity. So I think the rational thing is to express it and take the needed time to calm down. Perhaps even your anger can bring attention to the disadvantages of the computer program and bring the collective resources of the office to bear. As compassionate warrior has said.

Jeffrey

This occurs to me from http://www.friendsoftheheart.com/meditation_resources/left/actions.shtml


10.


Avoid reacting with distaste or aversion when others speak with false authority. Instead, practice awareness of cause and effect and take refuge in truth.

Talisman

The tough part about "voicing my frustration," is that it is viewed by many of the higher-ups as negative behavior and that it produces poor company moral. They have fired people before for complaining. Also, the other people on my team know that the pragram is s#*% so it's a bit redundant and often annoying to keep hearing about it. I don['t want to seem whiny or annoying.

In regards to cultivating patience in the face of frustration or stress, I'm having a difficult time not only at work but also in personal relationships. Particularly, there are times when I know my girlfriend or brother is going to be difficult and I prepare myself to be patient and calm, but there are still times where I just lose my head and end up hurting their feelings or instigating further animosity.

I suppose I should also learn to be patient with myself. I am young to the path and probably shouldn't beat myself up when my imperfections reveal themselves. At least I am learning to recognise them.

Thanks for the input guys.

Jeffrey

Trying not to be angry truly does cause additional stress. This is part of the path. From here investigate the process of the additional stress from trying not to be angry.

The next step you are working on is to welcome the anger. The rejection of the anger is needed to pull you out of the most negative karma. Until you learn how destructive anger is it is impossible to progress to welcoming.

After welcoming it becomes just energy that is in your experience. And you can get on with your life despite having that energy.

But thats not where you are right now. Right now you are sensing the pain and misery of the situation. Most of that isn't caused by the anger. Rather it is caused by the layer of thinking that tells you that you cannot be having this. The non-harming sense is wise, the rational fear that you might harm yourself or others.

Its a subtle point. Analogous to wanting to get up from meditation because pain in your legs. Your mind tells you that you have to get up. But if you just sit with it that voice in your mind breaks. And then there is peace.

You are not in control with when the penny drops giving you peace. The best thing you can do is try to be light hearted about this. See the silver linings and and put things in perspective. Ten years from now you will be doing something entirely different. Twenty years ago you were stressed about college or prom or whatever.

Does the additional stress actually help solve the problems? In some sense the pressure can be used. But you need a light touch and rational mind. Heart and head.

Jeffrey

I am really sorry that you are not allowed to voice your concerns. It does seem unfair to me. Do you think your assessment of your company is truly accurate?

compassionate_warrior

I suppose I should also learn to be patient with myself. I am young to the path and probably shouldn't beat myself up when my imperfections reveal themselves. At least I am learning to recognise them.

Yes, be patient with yourself, and don't beat yourself up. You're learning mindfulness, that's the first step, and an important one.

Well, I had in mind a private meeting between you and whoever, about the computer program, but it sounds like they already know it's a lousy program, so discussing it, no matter how positive a spin you try to put on it, probably will backfire.
Look at it this way: with the lateral move, you're learning more about the inner workings of the company. That may pay off, someday.

Letting go of perfectionism seems like it might be helpful. Sometimes we hold ourselves to such high standards, that frustration is the result (especially if the computer system is cheap, haha!)

Talisman

It's not even our company's system it belongs to the client we are working with so when I pointed out an issue to our IT guys they just laughed. "Nothing I can do about it!"

lol Oh well

compassionate_warrior

It's not even our company's system it belongs to the client we are working with so when I pointed out an issue to our IT guys they just laughed. "Nothing I can do about it!"lol Oh well

Oh, well that explains a lot. So that's your cue to just relax and roll with the punches, and do your best under the circumstances. Let yourself off the hook for perfection.

Even though we haven't really solved anything, this seems like it was a productive conversation. I hope it was helpful. Let us know how the rest of the week goes for you.

NOTaGangsta

I actually found my own paitence improved alot quicker when I started the practice of prostrating to the heart sutra word by word (about 260 prostrations I think...). Much quicker than simply trying to will myself to do it. Mind you, I was doing sitting meditation alot before that, but progressed slowly because I fall asleep too much

Jeffrey

Thanks for sharing NOTa. I haven't heard to many accounts of prostrations.

federica

There's a difference between suppressing anger, and dissipating it.
make sure you do the latter, and not the former.

mithril

Do you have a chance to learn about the computer system you use? Sometimes knowing why it takes time or does something can also help with being patient because than you know it has to do it something in a certain way because of the way it functions. Maybe you could even come up with suggestions on how to improve it - instead of telling people you don't like it, suggest what could be done better, why, and how it would improve performance/costs, and how easy it would be to make it so ?

That's the fun thing about technology, when you tell other people to do something, you can rationalize your anger; when a computer does it, it simply follows what it is told literally, never out of greed or pride or w/e...

So no use for being angry at a broom for not fitting the corner like you want it to Try to remember that computers are essentially the same^^

fivebells

Are there any mindfullness techniques that you might know of that could help me deal with stressful or frustrating situations more constructively?

Yes, metta meditation.

I want to me known as a patient and loving person, not a short-tempered or angry person.

And joy and equanimity for this. You're not a bad person because you lost your temper in this situation. You don't need to worry so much about how other people think of you.

Sabre

Dear Talisman,

I once got quite annoyed when I had to do a research with a certain simulation program on a not-so-great-computer that took ages and liked to hang. Also on top of this my word-processor liked to destroy my progress every now and then so I had to keep doing parts of the research again and again. As you can probably imagine this really got me on my nerves because I also had a deadline to make..

At a certain moment I had enough of my impatience and decided to take all the time the computer was thinking as a mini-meditation. Just focused on the breath for at least 3 breaths. This can also be eyes opened and nobody will notice. This proved to be the best stress reduction I can imagine. At a certain point I even laughed because the program crashed again. "Hey guys look at this error, it's even stranger than the previous one, haha!"

Maybe try this too. There are also mindfulness-bell programs you can install on a computer to remind you of this. (although these might crash the computer even faster )

I hope you can find some fun at your work again.

With metta,
Sabre