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HELLLLLLLLLLP!!!!!
Jerbear
Veteran
Hello fellow boardsters! Hope that didn't scare you but I really wanted to get your attention. I've been having some real problems with meditating the past week. Things were going quite well and I was getting to a point where I thought I was making some real progress in my practice. This week, I feel like I know nothing of the topic and haven't made any progress at all.
The problem is the monkey mind. It has been in hyper drive this week and can't seem to quiet my mind at all. I try to be patient and gentle with myself while doing it and there pops up another thought. I realize that they are just thoughts but sometimes I wonder if I've meditated at all during that 30 minutes or just chased my thoughts away. I really try to just name them and let them go. It's been a real challenge to stay on the mat. I actually stopped to post this and going to try again a little bit later. It's getting a tad frustrating and don't know what to do. I refuse to give up on this. Any tips would be greatly appreciated!
If this is helpful, I've really been thinking about what has happened in the past 6 months since getting serious about my practice. I realized that I'm really getting into it and it is scaring me a little. I swore after leaving the church that I would never get involved with any religious organization again. When I started this, I wanted to go to temple just to have the support of other practitioners. Now, it seems like I want to run the other way. I've completed 2,000 of the 3,000 bows for taking the precepts and I do feel a change going on inside. A bit scary and a bit exciting. Not sure if this plays part in it or not. Look forward to any input or insight into the matter.
The problem is the monkey mind. It has been in hyper drive this week and can't seem to quiet my mind at all. I try to be patient and gentle with myself while doing it and there pops up another thought. I realize that they are just thoughts but sometimes I wonder if I've meditated at all during that 30 minutes or just chased my thoughts away. I really try to just name them and let them go. It's been a real challenge to stay on the mat. I actually stopped to post this and going to try again a little bit later. It's getting a tad frustrating and don't know what to do. I refuse to give up on this. Any tips would be greatly appreciated!
If this is helpful, I've really been thinking about what has happened in the past 6 months since getting serious about my practice. I realized that I'm really getting into it and it is scaring me a little. I swore after leaving the church that I would never get involved with any religious organization again. When I started this, I wanted to go to temple just to have the support of other practitioners. Now, it seems like I want to run the other way. I've completed 2,000 of the 3,000 bows for taking the precepts and I do feel a change going on inside. A bit scary and a bit exciting. Not sure if this plays part in it or not. Look forward to any input or insight into the matter.
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Comments
Well, D'UH...!!
Jerbear, as you well know I am the last person to give you any opinion or insight into the practise of Meditation, but it seems to me from what you say that Monkey Mind has found the big tree called 'Resistance' to leap around in, and he's gone totally doo-lally!!
Overdrive!
Yay!! swing that thing!!!
Leap!
LEAP!!
From branch to branch!
High!!
Low!!
across!!
Arm past arm past arm!!
Wheeeeeeee!!
Come on.... we've almost got him.....
A bit more of this and we can make him give it up for good!
He knows he's onto a good thing....
he knows that Patience, Perseverance and Practise, make perfect!
What, he could change an intravenous drip and run a ward after a few attempts....?
I don't think so!!
How long did he train to be a Nurse....?
HOW LONG???!!???
Jeez!!
That Long? Really??
Wow! No wonder he's good!
Let's hope he gives up Meditating before then, because otherwise he'll be good at that too!!
Swing, King, swing....!!
Monkey & Tree in perfect Harmony....
Get my drift....?
my problem is bipolar though, im either too settled and feel really sluggish or keep wandering off completely. I cant seem to find any middle ground.
I have also wondered about joining the FWBO, which is an Order not too far from me. Just to try and take it to the next stage. I am hesitant to do this as im not too sure its the right thing yet for me or if im at all ready.
I think it was Simon or Zenmonk or Palzang that had a statements about something like this once. I believe it went something like...
Meditate for meditation's sake. You're meditating and dealing with the monkeymind that all of us deal with. But now that you're dealing with the monkeymind more than you have in the past doesn't discount the "practice".
Maybe there are more things going on in your life at the moment. Maybe things that you don't even realize. Some things, you obviously do recognize.
But don't look at having to deal with thoughts that contantly interrupt your meditation as being "bad" or "good" - they just are. Acknowledge them. Recognize that these scurrying of thoughts are what is happening at "that" moment. Smile at them since you now recognize them for what they are. Be at peace with what is happening and embrace it.
I believe in "fighting" them - you give them more power because you feel you're fending something off that 1) is not what you want to have happen 2) and since what you desire to happen is not happening, you find yourself embattled with them.
This will pass, my friend. I'm glad about the steps you are taking towards something that obviously means quite a bit to you.
-bf
It's a good step to get involved with a sangha. It is good to know you have others around who understand what you are doing and you can share the joys and struggles we call "The Path". I don't regret joining the temple I go to. I've found it great as someone is there saying "Where's Jer?" when I'm not. Everyone knows I work nights so they say "Were you at work?". It's rather nice.
I learned how to meditate initially from someone who was from FWBO. It was done as an online course. Bodhipaksa was the coolest. But if he is an example of the kind of people their, you are wise to go. Sangha (aka Mark) may be able to tell you a little bit about it as he attends one of their temples. Hope you find a place to practice.
Thanks for your input. I realize that practice makes perfect. Yes, I learned how to start the IV, prime the line, run the ward, and kiss a doctor's behind all at once in approximately..................NOPE! I won't kiss a doctor's behind. I don't run the ward as I tend to be a bit strict. But yes, it took me several times to learn how to do IV's. Now, it's a snap.
I have no intention of giving up. Just seems like every 5 or 6 breaths I have to deal with a thought. I meditated for 15 minutes before the post and 20 minutes this evening. I'm sure I will hit the mat tomorrow morning before I head to my hometown to see my dad and friends. I realize I'm onto something here. I honestly feel like I've found something more than what I set out for. Just a tad overwhelmed at the moment. I'm trying to take Rev. Genryu's advice. "Don't just do something-sit." One day when I'm an experienced meditator and some one new asks me about it, I can think back to this day and say "You know this baldness, it came from the monkey mind!" Just kidding got a tiny bald spot that you have to look to notice.
Something popped into my head while I was meditating this morning. I'm getting angry at having thoughts while meditating. That is so clinging to them. Instead of looking at them nonjudgementally, I was getting ticked about it. Not sure why, but started to let it go once I realized it.
By the way, have you meditated today?
What you perceive will 'be', but only in YOUR eyes....