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The Problem With SEX in Buddhism
I came across this article and found it very interesting. It...ahem...addresses some of my own concerns.
http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma5/sex.html
The part I'm most curious about was the line---
"The only way to have sex and not suffer, is to have no desire to have sex. It sounds like a 'Zen Koan' doesn't it? To end our suffering we need to end our desire, our craving, our thirst."
Sooo...ummm, how does one exactly do that? I concern myself with this issue sometimes. I'd like to have better luck in relationships and not worry so much about the sex.
Sometimes I find myself putting the Sex first, and the other person Second. I dont want to do this.
What are some good techniques to train my mind not to do this anymore? Any ideas? How exactly does one still have Sex, but elliminate the desire to have sex??
:eek2:
http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma5/sex.html
The part I'm most curious about was the line---
"The only way to have sex and not suffer, is to have no desire to have sex. It sounds like a 'Zen Koan' doesn't it? To end our suffering we need to end our desire, our craving, our thirst."
Sooo...ummm, how does one exactly do that? I concern myself with this issue sometimes. I'd like to have better luck in relationships and not worry so much about the sex.
Sometimes I find myself putting the Sex first, and the other person Second. I dont want to do this.
What are some good techniques to train my mind not to do this anymore? Any ideas? How exactly does one still have Sex, but elliminate the desire to have sex??
:eek2:
0
Comments
There has been an increase in sex on television in the movies, print and especialy on the internet. There is a lot of empahsis placed on sex in the media and advertising. In my opinion to the point where it is over emphasised, this is creating pressure and confusion on young people today. Sex should be part of a loving relationship, outside of that it is reponding to a craving or external pressure. There are also other aspects such as aids and unwanted pregancies that cause untold suffering. This is something that one has to take a responsible and balanced approach to.
One can't have sex without desire.
Sex is conditioned by kamupadana.
Kamupadana means "clinging to sense objects."
A better question is--How can I be more skillful?
If you have sex, do so with wisdom.
Learn from your desire and actions.
You'll be ok.
Jason
P.S. It's not desire which causes suffering, but tahna (craving).
There is a difference. Desire can be skillful or unskillful.
Craving, on the other hand, can never skillful.
Just something for you to think about.
You really have to investigate desire and know it for what it is. You have to know what is natural and necessary for survival and what is not necessary for survival. We can be very idealistic in thinking that even the need for food is some kind of desire we should not have. One can be quite ridiculous about it. But the Buddha was not an idealist and he was not a moralist. He was not trying to condemn anything. He was trying to awaken us to truth so that we could see things clearly.
Once there is that clarity and seeing in the right way, then there is no suffering. You can still feel hunger. You can still need food without it becoming a desire. Food is a natural need of the body. The body is not self; it needs food otherwise it will get very weak and die. That is the nature of the body — there is nothing wrong with that. If we get very moralistic and high-minded and believe that we are our bodies, that hunger is our own problem, and that we should not even eat — that is not wisdom; it is foolishness.
When you really see the origin of suffering, you realise that the problem is the grasping of desire, not the desire itself. Grasping means being deluded by it, thinking it's really 'me' and 'mine': 'These desires are me and there is something wrong with me for having them'; or, 'I don't like the way I am now. I have to become something else'; or, 'I have to get rid of something before I can become what I want to be.' All this is desire. So you listen to it with bare attention not saying it's good or bad, but merely recognising it for what it is."
- Ajahn Sumedho
passion?"
Joshu said, "Buddha causes passion in all of us."
The monk asked, "How do we get rid of it?"
Chao-chou said, "Why should we get rid of it?"
From the world of passions returning to the world of passions:
There is a moments pause.
If it rains, let it rain; if the wind blows, let it blow.
- Zen Master Ikkyu's first poem after his Enlightenment
Thanks for the reminder, Elohim. I keep forgetting...
Craving: Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
The Noble Eightfold Path
Jason
And what does tantra have to do with sex? A common misconception, no doubt arising from a confusion between Hindu tantrism and Buddhist. Not the same thing! And yes, I have been busy, Fed, though not in the way you imply. Every weekend we're doing retreats to try to save the life of the 3 year old daughter of one of our sangha members who has metastatic cancer in her lungs. So that's where I've been.
As for sex, there's nothing "wrong" with sex. It's our minds that have the problem with it. That old attachment black magic again. If we weren't attached to it, there would be no problem. Sex is just sex. Can't make new bodhisattvas without it. True, monks and nuns take vows of celibacy, but that's not because sex is "bad". It's just a way to curb desire, which, of course, is the source of all suffering. Once again, however, desire is a product of mind, so fix your mind, and you're home free!
Palzang
Apologies Palzang, but I didn't know...
just trying to keep things lighthearted....
If this were also wrong, then, my apologies would never cease....!
And while not exactly on purpose, I have been without a sexual relationship for nearly 8 years now. It doesn't bother me anymore, and if someone should step into my life I would accept them in that capacity with love, not just the need to be with another driving me forward.
My point is that sometimes it is not so much the sex itself we crave as the need for the other person and that is just as unhealthy. Having examined myself long ago over it I have thankfully moved past it and will not make the same mistake again.
No, apologies necessary, dear Fede. I just know what goes on in that mind of yours! He he he...
Palzang
Too bad you couldn't bottle that mindset. You'd be a millionaire. Then you could get all the hot <insert desired gender> that you wanted!
Yeah!
-bf